Hello Claireemily6.  I am sorry to hear of your worry about your mum.  I - like others on this forum - have no medical training and have know way of knowing what is causing your mum's neck problems.  Has your mum put on any weight?   Has she been seen recently by her doctor and what does s/he say about the situation as it currently stands?  Was it the doctor who said she will be referred for palliative care?   Your mum sounds to be getting weaker but - again  - I am not in position to give a professional opinion.  I have helped care for cancer patients and their illness and its progression varies so much it is difficult to give a definitive opinion in any event.  What does your mum say about how she is feeling - aside from the neck problem how is she feeling in herself?  This must be so difficult for you, worrying and longing for some improvement.  What are your own thoughts about your mum's condition?  I realise that your hopes and fears are all mixed up together in this and wish I could be more helpful.   Reading my rather muddly response to your post I think I am just trying to put the facts into some sort of order and I imagine that you are very much in this position too. Annie

Hi thank you for taking the time to reply, my mum has accepted the fact that it is terminal, she had throat cancer 3 years ago so this is where it's come from, we lost my dad to lung cancer almost 5 years ago so it's a bit like deja vu, it's been very hard to get my head around it as the week we found out her news I was having to have a colposcopy to remove abnormal cells I'm clear now tho so that's a relief! It's very hard for me to be with my mum all the time as I work full time and have a son with special needs.

The consultant has refered us to palliative care but we have yet to hear from them, we go back and see her in just over a month xx

Hello again.  Thanks for putting a bit more information  - I realise I have a habit of asking questions to get a more rounded view.  You have had a difficult time recently - thank goodness you are clear.  So it seems to be the case that this is terminal care - I hope they get back to you before the next month's appointment as it sounds as though your mum is not comfortable and needs a bit of palliative care (for her neck) now as she will not be getting more treatment.  This is a painful time - wanting to do your best to let your mum know you are totally there for her and want to do as she wishes and at the same time having to come to terms - if you can - with the fact that you are going to lose someone so dear to you.  I hope your son is getting professional support ( as well as the best support in the world - from his loving mum) ; much as you want to do the best you can for your loved ones it is difficult to find time for yourself.  Please do keep posting here if it  helps during this difficult time.  Annie

Hi Everyone 

My mum has today received the news she has secondary lung cancer and is to frail for chemo and they have made a refreral to palliative team. It’s been  8 years since she was all clear with Bowel cancer. She was so brave today just hope I can be to. Just now need to look at ways I can help and support her. 

Hi Annie thanks for your reply, sadly my mum lost her battle in September, she was such a strong and brave woman who faught till the end, she wanted to be home when they time came and her wish was granted, palliative care team were fab and said they had never seen anyone deteriorate as quick as she did, I never left her side at all and take comfort in knowing she's back with my dad as that's where she wanted to be for such a long time xx

Hello again.  Bless you for being so thoughtful to let me/us know the situation.  I hope you derive a little bit of comfort from the fact that she died where she wanted to be - in her own home, surrounded by the people she loved and who loved her, and with superb palliative care.  I hope you are okay and that your son has coped with the situation.  Life can be so full of emotions - good and bad and we seem to just have to go with it and find our own way through.   Annie