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Lost the person he was.

Brenda26
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My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just before Christmas.  He had major surgery at end of Jan which we always knew would be a hard journey to take after. He has lost 3 stone altogether. Is now waiting for chemo but not strong enough yet. Unfortunately he has always been a fussy eater but now is even worse and all we seem to do is argue over food. I feel like I have already lost my husband as he has gone from being a really motivated positive person to a grumpy little old man. To everyone else mentally he seems the same when you talk to him so I don't feel like anyone would understand where I'm coming from. I feel like a terrible person thinking the way I do. All I am trying to do is get him to eat and get well enough for the chemo. 

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    Brenda I can understand completely. My  husband was diagnosed August 2014 and had the whipple procedure september 2014. Unfortunately he passed away August 2015. I can tell you the operation is extensive and removes so much that it is difficult to eat and digest anything afterwards. You should get your husband on digestive enzymes right away because without these he will not be able to digest anything. Once he is on these it will be trial and error as to how much to take with each meal. The doctor will prescribe an amount but until you actually go through this operation you just cannot know how much your body needs. Also food now is going to taste completely different and what your husband was able to eat before he may not want to eat it now. You can talk to a dietician as well but my experience again was you have to go through this to know what is gong on inside your stomach. This disease takes so much out of a person. You may want to start with a drink supplement like boost. I would recommend becoming a member both you and your husband with the website Whipple Warriors. Here you will get so much information from people who have had the operation and also caregivers. Take care and make every moment count.

    Cindy

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    Hello Brenda, your not a terrible person at all, I think the emotions your feeling are perfectly normal and anyone caring for a loved one with cancer would tell you , I am caring for my fiancé who has terminal lung cancer and two brain tumours, I get angry with him for the same reasons as you, he too was a fussy eater but I feel he doesn't even try to eat, I go through all sorts of emotions anger, hurt, guilt sadness, and I too feel I'm losing him every day, I do everything for him go into the hospice every day all day most days I work two days a week, I take his washing in all ironed nicely, clean his room take him out in car, the nurse comes in to give him his tablets and he says "hello gorgeous" he has never called ME gorgeous, it I know it's silly but it upset me so much I came home, so then I feel guilty, sometimes I think emotionally it's much harder for us careers, I wish you both well x
  • Offline in reply to chitch

    Hi Cindy  I am so sorry you went through all that and still lost your husband.  Thanks so much for your advice.  Will certainly look at the website you suggested.  Have now seen a Dietician who is working with the chemotheropy team and she has been very helpful and supportive.  I do hope you are coping with your loss.  It must be so difficult.  Will certainly try to make every moment count as do realise that this can come back at any time.  Regards.

    Brenda

     

  • Offline in reply to felixkatie

    Hi  So sorry you are going through such a terrible time.  Your fiance sounds a bit like more husband as he has never been one to give too many compliments to me but unfortunately that is just the way they are and doesn't really mean to say they don't care.  Please try not to let it upset you.  I'm afraid this is human nature that the ones closest to us we all take for granted.  I hope you don't take his comments to others too much to heart.  You sound like a really gorgeous person to me who has been served a really rough deal.  xx

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    I feel the same as you do about my husband, he has changed a lot. He had a heart attack the same week he was diagnosed and it put the surgery back. He has bladder cancer and bleeds constantly , goes to the toilet constantly,  some embarrassing moments have happened and he can't deal with it. He is now getting a lot of pain and always snaps at the slightest things. We argue as I don't feel he's fully excepted his diagnosis. He pushes himself too much to the point he is now getting tired. I only want to help him!

  • Offline in reply to Dawnm

    I do hope things get better for you and your husband can have his surgery soon.  Must be so hard for you both.

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