Hello,

I hope that today goes as well as it can plus I’m thinking of you. Lost my my on 4th March and it’s horrible not being able to pick the phone up. I constantly go to say to Dad on the phone “how’s mom” forgetting for that split second. Life just changes, I thought I was stressed before but this has made me realise how stressful things are now having to pick up the pieces with my broken hearted dad. My husband doesn’t always know what to say and he’s lost his mom so knows what it’s like. Mine just try’s to get on with life and definetely didn’t grieve the way I am. We all handle things differently and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. He probably just wants life back to how it was, as we all would give anything for that. I understand how you feel saying you feel alone because that one person who you’d turn to now isn’t there. My friend understands and said this is a new normal for us now and it will get easier. I hope it does, I haven’t gone to the grave much I’m not sure it will help other than upset me more thinking too much. I’m not crying as much as i was but I do have bad days, it was my birthday this week and a cried all day and the day before building myself up to it. X

Hello Serapine; I recognised your name as soon as I saw your post.  So a year has passed; when you hit the year anniversary of a loved ones death it can be very painful - as though your mum (in your case) is drifting further and further away from you.  I know I did.  How does the rest of the world carry on as normal I wondered.  I (by the way) still talk to my mum who died many years ago; I can imagine what she would say and see her in my mind's eye; I still carry her love (and that of others I have lost) in my heart and mind but not to the stage where it overwhelms me.  I feel that they have become part of me and nothing will change that.  Don't be too hard on your boyfriend; he is just being honest and unless you can tell him what you would like he may feel a bit lost and worried about how to help you.  Have you tried bereavement counselling?  We are lucky to have had such lovely people in our lives and the people we are now have been fashioned from the people who raisesd and loved us; that is a blessing.  Annie

Hi yep its sure hurts .i have to say before i lost liz l dont think i would know what to say to make it easy other than a cuddle but sorry your feeling down this month i i think when we loose a parant we loose that bit of child left in us or some of it and now we are the adults but thats just my thoughts hope you pick up a bit soon you certainly had it rough with not much support .best wishs paul 

Hi Seraphine8,

Reading your post resonated so much, my mum passed away Sept 26th last year and it is her birthday tomorrow, I just stood in a shop and the same card I bought mum last year was on sale; it breaks your heart all over again, my neice said to buy a card to put on mum's grave but I couldn't do it, how do I buy a card when mum's not here.

I think our grief is so individual, so personal to us that it is difficult for others sometimes to comprehend and you're right when you say about the uncontrollable crying; that stops but it's the longest time we've been without our mum's, that's so very hard.

My auntie died on Monday and it does bring everything back, my poor dad, I could see how it affected him. That's strange you said about the sunny day for your mum's funeral, we were the same, it was pretty miserable weather and the day of the funeral, I said to dad, mum sent the sunshine for us.

I hope your friends dad service went as well as can be expected and you're ok.

I know you said about feeling lonely, I'm sorry to read about what you're going through, sending a virtual hug, thinking of you at this difficult time.

Take care

Hi. Happy belated birthday. The first birthday without or loved one is the hardest, I think. My mum used to always call me up in the evening and remind me what time I was born (11 something at night). 

You are still very early days, two months in. That is still really really painful. 

Thank you for your heartfelt reply. That brought tears to my eyes. I imagine how she'd reply to things, and I write to her. It is too painful to have contact completely cut off. I do wish my boyfriend was a bit more empathic, but he's still been loving. He knew yesterday was hard, going to the funeral and the day before to a viewing. He hugged me and asked me if I was ok. He feels badly, I know that. But he's not grieving so he doesn't know exactly how to help at this point. I am going to look into bereavement counselling. I think it would be really nice to be able to just sit down and let it all out, and there is no one in my life that I can really do that with. 

Thank you Paul, you are spot on. I do feel like the last bit of youth has been drained from me now that all of my elders are gone. How have you been getting on with your one year milestone losing Liz?

Thank you. Gosh that is so sad seeing the same card on the shelf. It's the small things that trigger us, isn't it? My boyfriend was picking out a card for Mother's day to send to his mum and as soon as I saw the card section with all the mum cards I lost it. Had to walk away. I couldn't look at the card he bought, couldn't sign it. Nothing. Way too painful. 

Somehow I got through my friends dads funeral. It probably helped that the priest had a thick accent and I couldn't understand most of what he said - and when I caught a word here and there it was usually religious words, so I found myself able to just stay distracted and observe the beaufiful church. Plus the music was lovely, so I focussed on that. It also helped that I was going to Marillion Weekend last night. It was a really strange day.

Hi there dont worry you will get a bit of that youth back that little silliness called sence of humour sucks thoe ime doing ok thank still struggle a bit at times but thank goodness nothing like it was yet i feel less lonely thank i ever have maybe because i feel liz still we were talking about sometime ago funny never would have beleived it but do now hope your feeling a bit better best wishs paul