Lost my mum

Mum died 6 weeks ago from brain cancer, one year fighting everything was a mess the last 3 weeks. Being told different things by professionals, they told me and dad and sister she had weeks going into months, we could see her going downhill, it feels like no one took it seriously  she knew she was dying and we kept hoping she would perk up like she had before. Now she is gone. She was right after all. All she wanted was to go home not be in hospital or then the care home that quite honestly all were poor treatment. Her dying wish was to go home and she didn't make it. The care home billed her for treatment for another patient sent to her address so my dad received. Mistake by them but as if we are not traumatised enough. It seems everyone lied to us and now she is gone. The care home can't find some of her belongings didn't deal with her death appropriately me and my dad were with her that last day which we didn't know was her last day and a foreign speaking Russian nurse pulled back the sheets from her feet and muttered something like this is sign circulation then offered us tea. 20minutes after we left dad got a call mum is dead you need to collect the body it can't stay in warm room. 

  • Hello Samanthapink; welcome to the forum.  I am so sorry your mum's last weeks and days were such a matter of confusion and unhappiness.  I have lost family and friends to cancer over the years and long since became aware of how impossible it was to pinpoint how long they had left.  It does seem to vary a great deal even between patients with identical stages of the same disease.  A dear neighbour went on a long time after his death was anticipated while my son's father seemed fine on the evening I spoke with him but died in his sleep during the night.    I am sorry your mum didn't make it back home for her final days and I think you should make a complaint about the care home - but that may be low down on your list of priorities at the moment.  Your mum will always be a part of you; I have kept items belonging to my mum (and my dad who died a few years after my mum); amongst my favourite is their wedding photograph and I "talk" to them quite happily.  I can still hear their voices in my mind.    Six weeks ago is very recent - go easy on yourself; I hope your family are all helping each other and sharing your grief and memories.  Do whatever helps you to get through this but remember that your mum is still part of your family.  Annie

  • Thankyou I talk to my mum but didn't feel her she said before she got worse that she will never go she will be flying around the universe and will always be there when I need her. Last week music came from my phone Irish music I never had any app or radio on my phone I hope that it was my mum sending me something. I agree the care home etc is low on priorities I am sorry for your loss and hope they really are in a better place xx