Im currently studying abroad, so I didnt knew she was ill. Just one day I received a phone call from my Dad he said she was hospitalised and had to get into emergency ward at the hospital. I couldnt stop praying and crying since then and just a couple of hours later my sister called me and said that she passed away. I felt like my whole life has fallen apart. 

I quickly took multiple planes to get home from Europe to Asia. I cried the whole journey. I cried in public. I didnt care anymore.

I arrived home 2 days later(due to long transit at multiple countries). I didnt get to see her before the burial. The last time I spoke to her through video call was 2 weeks before her death. I sensed something was wrong when she didnt reply my messages but I was too busy to think about it because I was struggling with the few final weeks of the semester. 

I had so much regrets. I didnt get to tell her every single day how much I love her. She is very important to me. We kept on talking about the future and decided which city we should live in together to spend her older days. We talked about how many grandchildren I will give her and that we should all go to city where Im studying abroad in Europe soon. Now shes no longer with me and the dreams vanished. 

Im still trying to cope up with her loss. Everyday I feel heavy and broken living in this house where we used to live since I was small. Her stuff are all over the house it makes me feel like she’s still alive. Her clothes still have her smell, and I couldnt take it anymore. Im in so much sadness sometimes I wish I was dead with her. She is always in every single detail of my life. From shopping, eating out, cooking, sending me off to schools and colleges, picking me up from the airport, she was always there. Now Im living without her, but every single thing I do reminds me of her, because we were always together when we had the chance.