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Lost My Dad (my hero)

3 Jan 2018 12:05

Lost my Dad on Dec. 29th, 2017 to Intrahepatic Biliary Cancer

I just can't feel anymore, keep crying and crying until my eyes run out of tears...

I can see him everywhere and I can't stop this loneliness and sense of emptiness...

 

How can I kepp on going if I lost my best friend, my kids lost his Grandpa, My Mom lost the love of her life..

All I think is about how much time I wasted, how could I have done everything differently and how much I still had to prove to him and to show him so he could be proud of me.

Help me! I'm at a loss and I can't seem to get up. I miss him so much!

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

3 Jan 2018 12:38 in response to Spawn1997

So sorry about your Dad; what an awful end to the year.  I remember my own Dad dying, just slipping away and nothing I could do to prevent it.  I thought about the times when I had been a pain in the backside and how he would have worried about me when younger.  Then eventually I realised it didn't matter, he loved me anyway for what I was.  He knew I loved him too I hope.  We are human beings not perfect angelic specimens.  It is horrible, horrible when we lose a parent and yes, life is never perfect and there were probably disagreements but there was always the love and I am guessing that this was the case in your family too?

Your pain must be raw at present but try to discuss this within the family and with your friends.  He may not be there physically but his memory is ever-present and always will be a part of your life.  Nothing I or anyone can say will help you in your present grief but please hang on in there and talk about him.  Sorry I cannot do anything to stop the pain at this moment but please believe me that while you will miss him you will look back with love and the memory of good times which will ease things in time.

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

3 Jan 2018 14:17 in response to Annieliz
thank you Raw.. that is how it feels.. just raw pain that wont go away. Trying to work but find it VERY hard. Even watching a movie since my love for the cinema comes from HIM, he made me a movie fan/critic.. it was OUR pastime, our way to bond. now that is gone FOREVER. Also I realize that is VERY selfish from me to try to have him stay...but how can't I ?

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

4 Jan 2018 02:24 in response to Spawn1997
Hi Spawn feel the need to reply. First of all I offer my condolences. Cancer is so cruel. I am a single mum with a 12 year old son who was raised by my hero (my dad) unfortunately my dad was diagnosed with head and throat cancer he went through radiotherapy and ended up being tube fed for 9 months he went through seven operations and practically lived at the hospital.my 12 year old learnt to help feed him through his peg tube and care for him as he was so poorly. I feel empty but you learn to adapt each day. My heart is breaking not just for my me but my son as he found it so hard as he was like a dad to my son too. Your allowed to feel so many emotions as it’s raw. We only lost my dad 8 weeks ago. You are strong and will get through it. I felt compelled to respond. Maz.x

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

4 Jan 2018 15:19 in response to maz2104

thank you Maz; I found an album full of photos and all I did was cry as I looked at each... but it helped me in realizing that I had never, not once have being mad or angry at my Dad. 

My kids miss him terribly adn my daughter cries herself to sleep at night. I try to comfort her but I end up running out of her room because I start to break down.

My son wants to seem strong and holds back on his tears , he is braver than I could ever be, he doesnt want to speak about it, but I know he is hurting too.. wish I could comfort them both.

everything is so damn grim and grey...

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

4 Jan 2018 16:04 in response to Spawn1997

To Spawn and Mazz.  Just a small contribution which I hope might be of use.  Whilst looking at the Cruse Bereavement Care website I came across a section headed Children and Young People which gives advice about helping children cope with their grief.  I just wanted to mention it in case (a) it is of use to you and (b) you had not already seen it.    My best wishes to you.

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

4 Jan 2018 17:46 in response to Annieliz

thank you I will check it out

 

 

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

4 Jan 2018 23:08 in response to Spawn1997

Thanks Ananieliz. Maz

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

4 Jan 2018 23:18 in response to Spawn1997

Hi Spawn.  I am so sorry I wish I could tell you it will go away but it takes time.

It must be hard and I still cry in front of my son, Who holds back the tears. He is what keeps me going. I know I have to stay strong as my dad would be cross.  My son will not talk either but I know it kills him. I spoke to our local children’s counciling service which I accessed through the hospice where my dad died. He goes and sees a child bereavement councillor 1 every month. At first I felt funny like I was letting him down but it’s the best thing I did,Maybe this is something you could do for your children? It’s open to all families and it’s funded by children in need. Depending on your area there is a wait but believe me it’s worth it. I hope this helps. Always here if you need to post. If you need support to find out info in your area I would be happy to help.

take care, stay strong Maz

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

5 Jan 2018 17:46 in response to maz2104

Thank you Ma..... I live in Puerto Rico, not in the UK

 

I came across the forum searching for answers on coping with loss

I cant avoid to feel anger and a need for answers as to why this happened. He was the hardest working man I knew.. He NEVER did anything wron gto anyone (no matter how much they deserved it)

He always taught me to love everyone and to give your best to everyone.... 

 

I will miss him for all eternity

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

5 Jan 2018 21:15 in response to Spawn1997

Hi spawn your dad sounds so similar to mine never had a bad word to say. I was raised by him ( he was a single parent too) And he was the only family me and my son had, but with my dad around it didn’t matter.  I myself last night felt angry and cried my heart out. I was looking at a artical on survival rates for throat head and neck cancer. I ask myself why he didn’t make the survival rate which is high. It’s normal to feel the way your feeling, unfortunately it’s the cruel part of grieving which just takes time. the pain and loss never goes away but you learn to deal with it.

If you need anything just to chat I am here for you. 

Maz

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

8 Jan 2018 14:22 in response to maz2104

thank you Maz.. very much appreciated.

 

you know.. on Friday we had the Three Kings mass @ church (Catholic) and I did the confession and was able to take communion,.. Upon receiving it I felt my Dad''s presence, he was there with me... I felt him.

Something it has helped me is that when I go to sleep I wish my Dad good night out loud.. somehow I can hear his voice again in my head.

My kids are praying for him every night also

 

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

8 Jan 2018 15:49 in response to Spawn1997
Hi Spawn I really get it. My dad was catholic too. I talk to him and I find comfort in visiting his grave. I talk to his picture. You do what ever feels comfortable for yourself. Maz

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

8 Jan 2018 19:06 in response to maz2104

sent you a private friend request Maz

Re: Lost My Dad (my hero)

8 Jan 2018 19:35 in response to Spawn1997

Hi how do you get a private friend request. Your message shows it but does not tell me what I do to accept. As I would. Maz x