Hello glitterbug62, 

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It must have been so traumatic for you especially as your mum was only diagnosed 9 weeks before she passed away. It is normal for things to still feel rather raw and to still be painful for you. There is helpful information on this page on Coping with Grief which I hope will be useful to you. How lovely of you to have looked after your mum at home until she passed away. I am sure she really appreciated your attention and your care. 

You have come to the right place to meet others who have also lost a parent and I am sure they will come along shortly to share their experience with you. It does help to talk to others who have also lost a loved one in similar circumstances. We're all here for you anytime you need to talk. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi, 

I'm new too. I lost my dad to liver cancer two weeks ago after him being diagnosed only 10 weeks before. The shock of the diagnosis still hadn't really sunk in and he passed away very suddenly so feeling like my world has been turned upside down really. Like you I helped take care of him in his final weeks until he passed away at home, we really bonded in those weeks though and I missed him almost immediately after he was gone. I know what you mean about it being different to the loss of a grandparent, a completely different level of utter grief. It's comforting to know that you have been through a similar situation. X

Hi Louise,

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad. 
It must have been such a shock and I understand completely, my Mum was in a similar situation. 
We thought she had had a stroke at first as her balance, vision, writing were all off. She went into hospital where they found 4 brain tumours and bone mets in her hip. She had a lung biopsy 2 weeks later and 2 weeks after that we were told she had stage 4 lung cancer so the primary was found last. We went to another hospital a week later where she got put on some decent pain relief.

She deteriorated really quickly but I managed to keep her comfortable for the most part which I'm so glad about. I took time off work to care for her as all the family like you had had their lives tipped upside down.

Mum could hardly get her head round it all as well as try to be brave for the rest of the family.

I hope we can be friends if you like on here. 
I wanted to talk to people who truly understand what this feels like, especially at these cruel and constrained times. 
You take care and look after yourself

GB

Hi GB, 

I think that's one of the things I found hardest, that it was too late for any treatment and there was nothing anyone could do. My dad didn't want to find out how long he had left so the speed of his deterioration really shocked us. But i feel there is some comfort that he wasn't suffering for months on end though and we managed to keep him at home. I'm sure your mum really appreciated that you took the time out to look after her.

Think I am still struggling to process it all at the moment, so trying to let myself express all my emotions as much as possible. The funeral isn't for another couple of days so hope there will be a sense of closure that comes with that.

Of course that would be great. I've got lots of friends and people around me who are very supportive, but not many that can really empathise what it's like to lose a parent so suddenly x

Hi Louise,

I think the funeral does give a sense of closure, I found it all a bit surreal at the time - like I was there but I wasn't, I think I was still in shock. You'll get there and having good family and friends is a blessing for sure. As you say though, you can't always chat with your own friends no matter how great they are, where as people who've experienced similar loss get it and are more impartial. My own family are great but they are quite closed off emotion wise, and I can't talk to my Dad cause it makes him upset.

I hope the funeral goes ok, take care and stay safe

GB xx

Hey,

Um, so yeah, I lost my father, well I called him Pa or Papa in June from stage 4 non hodgkin's  lymphoma.  I desperately miss him so much. Him and I were thick as theives and I jist adored him ao much. He passed away at home with me my mum and my brother. Luckily I was furloughed so was able to support my mum in cleaning him etc. He has left the biggest whole and it isn't easy at all, I know people say it gets better in time but for me, just nah. Im 29 and the thought of never having Pa walk my down the aisle and everything else tears me in two.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your lovely Pa.

I understand where you are coming from, my Mum and I were best buddies and did so much together, she's left a massive void. I think that's why it hurts so much, when they've played such a big part in your life, when they aren't there it feels weird. I feel a bit lost without my mum to be honest, she guided me a lot (I'm 46) and I still took her advice and enjoyed her company, we would have a great laugh out shopping, looking back they were really good times. It is getting a little easier, I still have days were I miss her like mad, but I feel ready to open up a bit more now and I'm glad to have found this forum and meet people who've experienced similar loss. I hope things feel better for you soon, keep talking and crying and remember those good times too! 
Take care

GB

Thank you for your kind words and obviously I am very sorry for your loss too (sorry i should of acknowledged that first post).  I totally get you though, Pa was 74 and just cheeky. He had the best sense of humour.  It's lush isn't it when you genuinely enjoy theor company. It's nice that you have such lovely memories to look back on, my goodness I can think of all the things I've done with Pa. We always did Xmas late bight shopping just the two of us every year, we would always have tea out. Its hard because he had such a rough ride this year. He had a stem cell  transplant  in january this year, got neutropenic sepsis,  had a fall and got an acute subdural hematoma,  ended up in ICU for 6 nights. But he came home and tried to get better but he just had a tought time and never recovered. Gosh this year has just been terrible for people in so many ways and cancer, well cancer just makes it worse. Im glad you feel ready to chat, it helps, ive talked about it to my boyfriend and mum but my mum doesnt always want to hear it cause its upsetting. She knew Pa since she was 19, shes now 66. Like yoi said to me keep talking and crying. Don't feel bad for it. I would never let anyone make you feel bad for being upset (if they do or have done) nothing will ever take away the sadness of losing someone you love, and gosh, I certainly love my Pa more than anything. Keep well. 

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mam at the end of August, so I can understand the feelings that you have.

She was such a big presence in my life and that's gone, leaving me a bit numb. That's the only way I can describe it to people when they ask me, I feel numb and a little bit lost.

My Nan passed away in 2019 and I didn't handle her death very well at all. They were both a critical part of my life  but you're right, it is a different feeling when you lose a parent. 

Hi Glitterbug62 I'm new too, we lost our mum in June as well she was diagnosed on the 4th and passed on the 27th, it was a huge shock that everything progressed so quickly and with zero symptoms and to be honest still doesn't feel real, I can't believe it is October I still think it's June xxx