Hi Jools

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about the loss of your husband. I too lost my husband but not to cancer, the grieving process can be difficult so if your really struggling don't hesitiate to seek help from your GP or bereavement counselllor. Take care x

Hi what a rotton thing this cancer is it dosnt take one partner it trys to take the othere one to i understand i lost my partner over a year ago now but we have to go on .its not easy but theres help out there . Its I horrible lonely road the pain does dwindle and turns into a dull ache but you will cope i thought the same like you we were together 24/7 so every minute of the day it goes round and round like i  wish i had said this done that the false guilt is awfull .you can get counciling from your local hospis it helped me as the loneliness is crushing but thats gone now to a point theres a post from sarhpine8 called signs after loss you may find it a comfort  wish i could help more .paul

Hi Jools

Im so sorry for the loss of your husband I can feel your pain as I am going through this too as my husband passed away 7th September from having cancer and getting infection just after his first chemo he too was only 54  and we have been happily together 26yrs with two beautiful children 16 and 18. This is a real tough time and no-one can prepare you for this but you just have to go on day by day living. I still cannot believe it has happened to us as our life was so perfect . We only found out he had lung cancer in July this year so we did have time to discuss anything . Try and keep strong and carry on  x

Hi Victoria

So sorry that you have lost your husband too. Life is so unfair

We had always be so fortunate that we have never lost any family members...both sets of our parents are still alive and we always thought we would be like them and had so many plans. My husband was a very fit healthy man and part of the sporting community...the cancer appeared without any symptons. He was so brave and tried to live his life as normal as possible in between treatments even travelling to sport events.

We have a huge outside support because he was well-known locally but it does not help me at all I cannot venture out as do not want to see people. Our 3 grown up children are staying with me for now but I really cannot see a future without my husband...he was the strength of our family I have always been the weak one. The fact we did spend all our time together is making this even more painful as I am on my own so much now and have never ever been before...the loneliness is so horrible. 

Everyone around us has got back to normal routines but we are left in limbo...the sadness is horrendous I just hope as time goes on it does ease. 

Thankyou for you post Paulus and so sorry that you lost your partner too.  Spending all our time together was fantastic and we are fortunate we were in these sort of relationships that we could be together 24/7.. but now they are gone I do think it makes it more painful ..

Have looked for that post you mention but cannot find it.

Thankyou for you post so sorry to hear you have lost your husband too...life can be so cruel. Had never experienced death in our families before so really do not know what to expect or how to cope with grieving...x

Hi your right it makes it harder as they are like a part of that missing but ime having to make a diffrent life now not what i want but its the one ive been delt so . Its I lovely post its got seventy seven replyes all about when people have lost a loved one and had unusual experiances being visited in dreams but there younger feathers seem to happen a lot things that happend to me would scare the pants off people but to me were a great comfort ime not to good with computer i use my phone .look for sarhapine8 then backtrack on her posts . Or maybe the moderaters might see this and help out .but i do think our loved ones never realy die in the sense we think the energy that is us call it soul or whatever ime not religious ime very logical . Is still there in fact its there till the end of time our bodys where out but the energies that are us is there .but like any energy we cant see it but we all know its there .theres more going on that we will ever understand or are ment to . Ime not lonely anymore as for a while i could feel the warmth of liz round me a strange feeling nothing you could put your finger on but was definatly was there and many other things we will all find out eventualy but we still have a life to lead cancer trys to take that to ime not letting it like you and eye we will see them again but not just yet we have to keep going so they are rememberd they live on through us and our children .best wishs paul

I think the thread Paulus is referring to is this one by Serapine8 'Seeing Signs from Deceased Loved Ones' which indeed has 77 replies! 

Hope this helps ;) 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Jools

i can relate to yours too , my husband was fit he liked to play squash and surf. He had so much talent to give to this world with signing and art.  We also did not see this coming it just stared with a cough and then diagnosed which seemed to take for ever until they decided it was cancer, but it was too late then as it had spread from his lung ( he had not smoked since he meet me 26yrs ago) we had so many plans as our children have grown up enabling us to spend time together . He had worked so hard on our house but not having the time to enjoy .how old are your children ? I have got a puppy for my daughter and I and this has helped tremendously it does take your mind of things and keeps you busy ! I have managed to return to work 2 days a week it was hard at first meeting people but it makes you feel you again . Like you I miss him terribly i cry every day and cannot stop thinking about our memories. going to bed is hard I put his pillow by my side . Like you I feel I am the weak one too. But there is nothing we can do but be strong now and  keep going that is what our husbands would have wanted to keep being you . Xx

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I lost my husband. Trev, in February and first posted the day before his funeral. I know how alone and bewilderd you must be feeling but can assure you that it does get easier. Trev was my soul mate and like you, we spent every minute together as we worked at the same school then came home together.

You did the right thing reaching out for advice from others on this site and it might also help you, when you feel ready to engage in some bereavement counselling.

You will never forget your dear husband but there will come a time when you can remember moments together and smile rather than cry.

Wishing you all the best

Jo