Hello Dezzie; I am so sorry for what you are going through.  Your beloved husband may be in a better place but as he is no longer with you it doesn't help you at the moment.  You are bound to be devastated at this time no matter how ill he was; you were caring for him and he was still there.  People are trying to be kind but unless they have lost a loved person they will not understand what you are feeling.  It is very early days so please be kind to yourself.  I hope you have family who are supporting you.  Do you have to go back to work so soon?  I don't know the nature of your employers and their policy over losing a spouse.  Some - perhaps mainly public sector but some private sector - have a special leave allowance in these circumstances.  If you cannot cope - and that is hardly surprising - perhaps you should speak with your GP about getting further time off.  Some people I know want to get back to work quickly but it is not always a good idea.

There are many people here who have been through similar circumstances and will feel for what you are going through.  There is no set pattern for grieving so do what feels right for yourself.  I hope you will continue to post here.  Do whatever feels right to you.

Thank you so much for these very kind wonderful words. In South Africa we don't get much time but my boss has been very understanding so far but I have to go back tomorrow unfortunately.  I will keep posting and writing as it is so nice to talk to people who have gone through the same. 

Xxxx

Hi I'm so glad you joined as i realized I just needed to talk to people who feel like I do. We both have to do this work thingy tomorrow. I live in South Africa so we only get a certain time off.  At least I know you and I are both going through this tomorrow together. I will keep you in my thoughts. Today was so rough. Spent most of the day crying. Not sure what tomorrow holds but I lay it at Gods feets and one day at a time. I just keep asking why Mike he so amazing even though it's not for me to question.

sending you lots of love

xxxx

Hello there,

I lost my wife to lung cancer in December last year I also took care of her untill her last breath  she died at home.  The pain is almost  unbearable but I must move on I visit  her grave at least twice a day. I allow my self crying as it comes. I miss her terribly but she at my side when i working in my wood shop on her staff which I have promised to her before her death. I'm on the phone with my old frinds almost every day remembering her that may fill up void in my heart. I letting  my grand sons getting very close to me. I'm listening to music some time looking pictures we took together by loking at her pictures that triggers a vaves of grieving but I must  do that. I go to bead always the same time that helps me to sleep better. I walk our doggy every morning following her foot steps listening to water fall in the park and talking to her about the size of the water fall like we where talking when she was a life. Im missing her badly. We from  Europa our friend's asking me when i gonna come back and visit them ? I may go there next fall. I will plant lots of flowers in our garden i will offer those flowers any one whom wants it that will be  in her memory. You must be strong because he wants  you to be strong In the park looking up to the sky and asking her how im doing? So fare so good So you must doo the same. 

I imagine you are at work now (SA being 2 hours ahead of the UK I believe) so just saying "welcome home" when you get back from work.  I don't imagine you will have had an easy day.  And the same for everyone coming back to an empty house.

So pleased 51yearsof love has now posted here.  A lovely man. 

Dear Dessie 

I lost alan about 15 days ago my 2 children have both struggled to go back to work I do not plan to go back to work for another 2 weeks my Gp has kindly helped me out with a certificate.how was your 1st day back at work, please be gentle on yourself and make time to heal

Hin Dezzie,

I'm also copping with a loss of love one It is hard too cope with. I joined group  of grieving people that may help a bit. Fortunately I having my grand sons over for the weekend we visited theirs grandmother grave site then the bowling alley were (like always) beet then.     Also  they looked over my shoulders were i was working on the coffee table top which will honor the memory of my  be loved wife. Last week I had opportunity to visit hospice which they offered us their help during our  struggle with cancer. I donated some of our money to them in memory of wife also I hope they accept my self as a volunter for their organisation  Please taken care of yourself

Thank you so much for these very kind wonderful words. In South Africa we don't get much time but my boss has been very understanding so far but I have to go back tomorrow unfortunately.  I will keep posting and writing as it is so nice to talk to people who have gone through the same. 

Hello connectsitaram.  I think you are having trouble with posting messages - if you are not used to it then it can be confusing.  I am sure you didn't mean to copy an earlier message!    Just press the Reply box on the post you wish to answer.   An empty box will come up and you can start typing in there.  You don't have to touch the post to which you are replying.  Give it a go and see how you get on.