Cancer Research UK on Google+ Cancer Research UK on Facebook Cancer Research UK on Twitter

Let's beat cancer sooner

Re: Loss of an adult child

10 Dec 2017 19:31 in response to Annieliz

Annueliz you are not sticking your nose in at all,It's good not to feel so alone,my daughter didn't ever get home for a visit in the end I worry I carried something in with me.We have had contact with my ex son in law,grandson was staying with us whilst his mother was in hospital as he had little contact with his father,after her death my grandson asked for his dad so we contacted him and he does seem to be stepping up.We helped to settle them in to my daughter's home as my grandson was so desperate to go home with his stuff and his cats.i feel like I am treading on eggshells.i had a lot of contact with my daughter and grandson and she usually sought my advice on things.Now I have to be so careful. I made the mistake of saying about how my daughter used to do something and ex son in law got a bit annoyed,they were such a huge part of our lives.She was so happy this year,happily single and had a job she loves and was making so many plans with her son.Her house is a housing association property and her ex husband was still named on tenancy so moved in to lo9k after my grandson,housing association have been horrible and say they may not be able to stay.All my grandson memories of his mum are there and he just wants to stay there.Its all too much ,so much worry with all of this stuff and the costs of funeral etc.I feel unable to spend time grieving and have to pretend to be brave .I shut myself in the bathroom to cry and in bed at night,I can't sleep.I miss her so much .Thanks for your kind thoughts x

Re: Loss of an adult child

10 Dec 2017 22:20 in response to Finleynan

Thanks for your longer post.  I spent almost my entire career working for the local council managing  - over the years - all aspects of council housing management.  I would advise you and your ex-son-law to get together to put in writing a letter explaining why it is so important for your grandson to stay in his home.  Also, bear in mind that the housing association cannot force your grandson and his father to leave without a court order. If they do decide to try to evict then they will have to serve a notice saying they are going to seek possession.  That usually expires after 28 days after which they can apply to the local county court for a possession order. It will take them a few weeks to get a court date (or longer) and your son-in-law will be notified of this. If it comes to that then you should both attend the court hearing to explain your case to the judge.  County courts are not as frightening as criminal courts athough I realise all courts are frightening if you are not used to them.  In the years when I used to attend these court hearings for the council there were always people on hand to give the residents advice.  For free.  I think it unlikely they would really try to evict but you never know.  Of course if they did evict then the local council would have a legal obligation to rehouse them but that is not the issue here; your grandson needs to stay in his familiar surroundings.    So many stresses at this time; pleae look after yourself.  Feel free to ask me if you want any information about the husing and I will try to help.

I understand that you feel you are treading on eggshells with your ex-son-in-law; this is not an easy time for anyone but you both should make an effort to keep things friendly as you both have your grandson's needs as your priority.  Once your ex-son-in-law realises that you are not deliberately giving him a hard time then hopefully things will calm down a bit.

Re: Loss of an adult child

16 Dec 2017 16:52 in response to Wendys1

I have lost my beautiful daughter aged 35 to colorectal Cancer I am so angry as she had been visiting GP with bowel related problems and time and time again been sent away as beingtoo young . By the time she was diagnosed in A and E when presenting with pain the cancer had already spread to her liver . I am overwhelmed with grief I also lost my husband to cancer 15 years ago . At the moment can’t look to the future I feel I have no future what on Earth can I do.

Re: Loss of an adult child

16 Dec 2017 21:00 in response to hEatherdeco68

dear heather,

I read your post with great sadness and am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.  It is the the nightmare that will never go away.  My 35 year old son died this year 19 Jan 2017, same story,many gps visits and then turned away from A and E twice, the last time his bowel was actually blocked with the tumour and we had to fight to get him back to hospital where fortunately he was finally admitted to a surgical ward and diagnosed with stage 4 colcorectal cancer and full liver mets.  This was at the end of April 2016.  He was due to marry on 15 may 2016 which he did ten days after his tumour removal and he fought so bravely until he could no longer.  I feel your pain as each day that passes reinforces the knowledge that I shall never see him again.  I think the medical profession need to wake up and realise the young people get bowel cancer, I wish i could give your words of comfort but this path we travel is a lonely one.  My two daughters have lost their beloved brother and we are all trying to learn this new life, living without him. I hope that you have friends or family to help youxxxx leslie

Re: Loss of an adult child

2 Jan 2018 18:36 in response to Wendys1
Hello, I too have lost my daughter to Bowel cancer aged 35 . I am so destraught I am unable to do anything other than cry. My husband also died of cancer aged 59.

Re: Loss of an adult child

2 Feb 2018 14:00 in response to hEatherdeco68
Hello my daughter 46 found out last week that she had advanced liver cancer , and the prognosis is week or months . I am devastated I don't know what to say or what to do . I feel so useless Dads are suppose to know what to do . I cry when I think about her and just find it so difficult to understand what is happening .

Re: Loss of an adult child

2 Feb 2018 15:02 in response to Wendys1

Hi Wendy ... Oh my , in my eyes there's no pain worse on this Earth then loosing your baby ... My baby (36) got diabetes at 14 and come so close over the years to loosing him ... I still get flashbacks and every day I'm thinking and praying he keeps safe ...

I don't know if l could get through loosing him .. but pray I'd still have part of him in his babies and brother ... When you look at your other two daughters they will have a part of her in them and l believe your daughter would want her mum to carry on for them ... Listen to your heart and hear the words she would say to you ... You knew her better then any one ... 

I found this in my late mums keep sake book when I was feeling lost ... 

I send you butterfly kisses... Though you don't know I'm there ....but it's me peeking round the courier ...or touching a strand of your hair ....  She will live in your heart forever ... My mum loved to see people laugh and her eyes showed how much she cared ... I bet your daughter would say go on mum , I'm right here beside you ... Sending you a big big hug chrisie