Hello again OnlyoneWinnie,

You really have a lot on your plate don't you? Juggling so much and having to cope with all these financial pressures while also dealing with your own health issues as well as looking after your husband. The stress of soon going on zero pay is no doubt understandably adding to your anxiety.

I think in your complex financial situation you could do with talking to a financial advisor, someone who is aware of your particular circumstances and takes into account the fact that you are a carer for your husband and about to go on zero pay. Have a good read of our detailed financial support information on our website which you can find here. There may be benefits and  charity grants you may be eligible for and a number of organisations offer financial advice so don't hesitate to contact them. I am not familiar with all the elegibility details myself but there is for example a Carer's Allowance - you can find out more about it here.

Macmillan also have a very good financial support tool which you can access here. I'd also suggest you contact your nearest Citizens Advice Bureau and they will be able to offer you financial advice. I know that's a lot of reading I've just inflicted on you but it is worth finding out what you are entitled too. Make yourself a cup of tea and a biscuit (or two!) :p while tackling this minefield of information.

Finally, I am sure there have been other carers on this site who have faced similar financial struggles and I hope they will post on your thread soon to share some tips based on their own personal experience.

There's only one of you and you probably feel very alone with all this, but we are all here for you if you need to chat or offload a little bit of the incredible weight that is on your shoulders.

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Lucie, this is very very useful stuff which I really appreciate very much. In addidtion to all of the above, I also have two seriously disabled grandchildren, one only 16 also at end of life. He keeps defying the odds so that at least gives us the chance to tread water awhile. The other who is nearly 3 has a longer harder road to munch. He is on a trachiotomy predicted to last to about age 8 or later with developmental dely (current funcxtion about 8 months). Yes its a big plate to dine on intit? If my life was believable it might make a good horror film. Still its not really about me. I am only the 'manager' if you like. Its about John, my hubby, Mark who is semi vegetative and Ross all struggling to survive. John says they are all in a race to the grave none of them want to win. I am grateful indeed for your help though. It is people like you who give me hope that my attempts to help myself and family will at some point bear fruit! Cheers!

Thank you so much OnlyoneWinnie for your kind words. I am glad I could be of some help and I hope you will get to chat soon to some of our lovely forum members who will truly relate to what you are going through. Wow reading your story was truly touching and you certainly have so many balls in the air to juggle but you are doing amazingly and I am sure John and your family really appreciate it. I am sorry to hear about your grandchildren this is indeed very sad and I am sure they all appreciate the support you are giving them at a time when they need it the most.

As I said in my other message the other day, don't forget to breathe a bit and look after yourself as it's important for the carer to be cared for too. Make it a double extra large cup of tea when reading all that financial advice and you deserve many more chocolate biscuits to go with it!

Lucie

Many thanks as ever, Lucie. I am in awe of some of your members and their strength and for the practical and positive things you have provided for me to do.  Atm just feel steam-rollered and sick of lies or at best mis-information.Lots of talk going on behind our back. THEY are deciding for us, not considering implications for John let alone US as a couple. Disagreements as to how John came to have a blocked ureter, so who do we believe?  Oncologist said they would avoid nephrostomy at all costs as there were alternatives, but we got bombarded with appointments to do one even before tests were done. Was told oncologist did immediate referral. Urology said there is NO alternativek so who's lying? My lad has a big abdomen full of cancer too painful to sleep on. Sitting forward hurts, standing hurts left sidecancer sore so has only the right and his back to rest on. If he has a nephrostomy he won't be able to lie back and blocked ureter is on his right side, so his choices are to live in discomfort/pain, be subject to infections and unless I give up work, having  strangers in to change his bag all the time or chosing not to have this op and die soon. If I give up my job Im only 5 yrs off retirement so what then for me having lost my love since age 15? Had discussion at hospice... load of dump....no practical help. John can do crafts as long as its jewellery or making stuff out of toilet rolls or he can die there (thats a no) provided he can get himself there while I work. I'm a working carer so beyond the 9 - 5 mon to Fri there is beggar all for me. I ceased to be a person with needs 3 years ago... and so many of your lovely members would see that as 3 minutes and here I am bleating. suppose i am stinging from another useless visit I pinned hopes on. The fact is there is lots of contact but practically it is all totally meaningless. one thing i have learned though is that you have to tread the path as you go because the whole  lot of them enjoy putting a veiled curtain in front of your toes under the guise of 'everyones journey is different'. Well tho there is some truth in that, there is a whole lot of similarities out there and Ive seen a lot more sense and enlightenment from the brief visits i have had here. I can almost feel the nodding!!! Thanks all for putting up with old Winnie's frustrations and HATS OFF TO YOU ALL for the tenacity, bravery and sharing of knowledge which is so very much appreciated. xxx