Hi

Welcome to the forum though of course no one would choose to have to be here. I think you are doing wonderfully well already and its heartening to know that you are happy with the care home too. (My Mum is 89 and also in care due to physical and bi polar mental problems). It is never easy coping with the frailty and  illness of a loved one and if you Mum is receiving palliative care she may well have an assigned palliative care nurse (both my Dad nearly 8 years ago and my husband, more recently both did) who can be a helpful contact.  My husband had eating/drinking issues and before the community nurse brought in special mouth moistening sticks, I used ice cubes(flavoured with fruit juice) and also ice cream, jelly and lollies all of which he managed as little effort required in the swallowing. Hope this helps a little.Jules54 

Hi I don't really have any idea how to help with swallowing as my Dad has the same issue, I've asked the nurse who comes out but she is quite dismissive. He does have oral thrush and I think she is putting it down to that, could your mum have it? 

Hi Oldoak. I am sorry to hear that your Mum is so unwell and realise the difficulties you are facing. Before I got the Big C I worked for 20yrs doing care planning for people such as your Mum (in Residential care, not a nursing home) - the Care Home should already have these things in place but I will tell you what would have happened where I worked in case it may help you with some additional information or to talk about with the Home Manager.

Staff should be completing Food and Fluid intake, and weight charts, so there is a complete record of your Mum's weight and what she is ingesting daily, so that her medical team have accurate and uptodate information to work with. They should ask her GP to make an urgent referral to a Dietician who will come to the home to assess Mum and give the staff instructions of how best to help her - ie using thickening agents, vitamin supplements, liquidised foods at the right consistency, frozen foods (as Jules so rightly recommends) etc etc. The dietician will normally call in every couple of weeks to check the charts and see that their instructions are being carried out and what is working/not working for Mum's condition.  Helping Mum will be very time-consuming so where I worked we used to nominate a staff member on each shift to offer appropriate foods/fluids at least half-hourly and record intake so that there was no confusion over who had done what. Homes are busy places, normally run on minimal staff ratios, so it will be a real support if you keep an eye on Mums care plan and charts to check that the carers are giving her the full care expected.  I often felt that  family members sometimes do not like to do that in case it seems like they are interfering - however, in a reputable Home with nothing to hide,  it is a great help to the Manager and admin/planning/senior staff to learn of any shortfalls because it is very difficult in a larger Home to keep on top of daily happenings with every resident, as well as taking care of running the Home and all that entails.

I hope this helps just a little and that the Home staff are willing to give the dedication which will be needed to help your Mum.  Keep on top of things and dont be afraid to voice your concerns if needed!  All the best.  Max x