Hi AR55,

I am so sorry about your Mum. I am currently going through the grief journey for my husband John who I lost 22 weeks ago, but I still remember the pain of losing my Mum. After my dear Dad died in 1999 my Mum and I  got even closer than we allready were. I was an only child and very close to my parents. and we were supporting each other through the grief, with the help of my beloved John. Then in 2011 very suddenly after a trip the seaside I lost my darling Mum. No warning just collapsed and died of a Pulmonary embolusim. I was an orphan, I was distraught, I had lost one of my best friends. I don't know how I would have got throught it without my John. I miss her so much now because she would have helped me, but sadly she's cant. 

I also wonder how they are, and where they are, and that is one of the hardest parts . I have my Christian faith, but I still can't help wondering about death. We are told they are in a better place and no longer in pain, and I try to remember that, but it's not easy. I am the same as you, I would still miss my family, but if I knew they were all together and ok, I would cope a lot better. 

As for the anger, oh yea, been there, done that, especially with informing the powers that be be of the deaths. People really have no idea unless they have been where we are now and can be totally insensitive.  My Mum will have been gone 8 years in April, and I can now, for the most part, think of the happy times we had, and smile. I hope I will get to that place with my husband too, but like you it's early days. 

It sounds as though you made some lovely memories in her last months and it must of given her great comfort to spend time with you and see how things started. Take comfort in the happiness you gave her. 

Take care, and just take one day of a time. 

Love Heather. X

Hello AR55; welcome to the forum.  I am sorry to read of your mum's sudden passing - it all seems to have happened so quickly with so little time left to say goodbye.  Everyone has their own ideas about where we go after death.  My mum died from cancer some years ago and I talked to her (sometimes out loud and sometimes in my head).  Now of course I cannot summon a voice in response but I can feel pleased that she is not suffering.  Before she died she talked of seeing and hearing her two brothers who died during and just after World War 2 (I told you this was some time ago - my mum died in the 1980s).  And it would have been so nice to think she had met up with them again regardless of whether or not you believe in an afterlife.  So my mum and  my dad both live on in my heart and head.  People you love in this way always remain a part of you.  Try and think of your mum in these terms.  It is still very early days since your mum died and it will take time to feel a bit steadier in  your own mind - this can vary greatly from person to person - there is no time limit on grieving and no single way to grieve.   It is clear you put a lot of effort into visiting places and people who had been part of your mum's live and you can be sure that due to your efforts she will be all right now.  Annie

Hello, I have just joined this site and came across your post. First I am deeply sorry for your loss. Loosing a mother is just the hardest thing. My condolences to all. 

I lost my dear Mum on 5th February 17. She had a condition call Multiple Myeloma ( cancer of the bone marrow). She had the condition for 8 years. She did have her ups & downs during that period but fought the fight well. I am one of 7 children, I spent a lot of time with Mum over those 8 years taking her to all hospital appointments so one can imagine the hours spent together.  I was extremely close to her. 

In November 16 my Mum unfortunately did not escape C-Dif the killer bug that hospitals in general do not talk about or really want you to know that your loved ones would have.  She endured suffering for at least 8 weeks. I really did not think she would make Christmas but she battled & made the New Year.  Her consultant decided in early January to put her on a chemotherapy tablet ( which I thought was a bit soon considering what her body had endured and how weak she was) 2 weeks later at a very heated meeting her stopped the treatment and the decision was it was not working. Surprise surprise. I left the Hospital with Mum & my 2 sisters. We where told nothing other than the medication was stopped. Mum was cared for by us and sadly she passed away so beautiful surrounded by all her 7 children. It was a sad evening but I have to say a beautiful one. My mother was a lady of great faith. She prayed throughout her life & that faith brought us all together. At this point I would just like to say we lost our father 33yrs who to a heart attack. 

2 yrs on and I miss her so much. She was my mum & my best friend and I live with no regrets. I can only say I will miss her every day of my life but I must live mine and enjoy it as much as I can. It’s not easy but it’s different. My way of coping is to visit her grave, talk to her openly and let her know what’s happening in your life.  When my siblings are feeling down I tell them to talk to her and think she is on a long holiday and one day they will c her again. My consolation is I know where Mum is (heaven) I have received little signs. She is happy. 

If u feel down, I have a lovely song I would recommend. It will make u sad but over a little time it will be comforting. Jealous of the Angels by Donna Taggart. 

C