Dear RosieApples,

This is such a difficult time for you and I can relate as my step father, who isn’t much older than your dad, was diagnosed with incurable bowel cancer about six months ago. Life can feel so unfair at times and it just doesn’t make sense. Dealing with the shock takes time and life can be very confusing and uncertain. I think everyone on here can empathise with one another so it’s good that we have this as an outlet to feel less isolated. We’re all on an unknown journey we don’t want to be on and the only bit of control we have is making the most of the time spent with our loved one and just being there for them to love and care for them. Sending you strength and support from someone in a very similar boat to you. Xx

Thank you this place is really the only place I feel people really understand the pain, desperation and anxiety we all feel when watching a loved one go through such an awful time. Friends can be there for us but they dont truely understand the extent of the feelings i have and the things i see on a daily basis. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through and hate that others are in the same boat but it's also comforting to know I'm not alone. Thanking you for the reply and sending back to you support and strength. Rosie

My dad has bowel cancer he had 2 operation n chemo but it's come back, in may he was clear now found out it's gone boom it's everywhere n now terminal, he has days the nurse have said. I keep thinking it's a nightmare then I wake n it isn't. I'm sitting here in hospital watching him sleeping he hasn't woken most of today. N it's hitting me like a truck, I keep thinking it's not real,  then it is an I'm scared to death of loosing him. But next day or so I will, I'm getting panicky. What on earth am I going to do. Can't bare to think of it. At the mo I'm here he's here I'm ok then I remember. Not coping well at all. I know exactly how your feeling. Glad u have family around you sending hugs I know how desperate it can be xxx

Hi Jones712, 

I'm so sorry for what you are going through too. It's such a shock and I also get the feeling like it doesn't feel real, it's like looking in on someone else's nightmare. Mornings I feel terrible and wake up to that dreaded feeling and reality hits you once again.

Yep I get very panicking too, knowing what's coming and being completly helpless to change that. I'm just trying to do my best for him whilst he's still aware of what's going on. My Dads wife is a nurse so he's being cared for at home, in some ways I think it's better but in some ways it's worse. 

As sad as it is and no one should ever go through this I hope it's some comfort to you too that I totally understand your pain, suffering and despair.  Send me a message anytime for support and I'm hoping you have some family support too. Xx

My dad passed away Friday evening,  I'm just lost,  no words,  I'm ok then not them ok then not.  Cried then can't.  It's just unreal it's like he's still here just in a different place to me,  I know it hadn't sunk in yet,  I have this feeling of dread all the time. I miss him so much.  X  

Hello, 

My Dad passed last night, I know your feelings. Here goes the rollercoaster of grief. Hang on tight ride the rollercoaster, just keep putting one foot in front the other it's all you can do. We will miss our Dads everyday and life will never be the same but just keep going. He will be proud of you and he's at peace now. 

Take care of yourself xxx

Hey rosieapples

How are you doing,  we just had the funeral on Friday 1st, 3 weeks to the day. I organised the whole thing not much help from other people. Although  I quite liked as I could do it as my dad would of hopefully liked.  Just it has been so stressful. Just the amount of admin work is insane, I'm still finding people I need to call. Hope your ok. This just still seems completely unreal, it's like he's just sat somewhere else, n I'm sorting his house for him or it's not his stuff...... it's not sunk in yet I don't think coz I've been so busy.  I find conning here tho helps coz I sometimes feel no one else must ever of done this

Xxxx

Morning Jones, 

Well done for doing this all by yourself how amazing that you got to organise everything how he'd have liked. You have most likely been running on adrenaline and now all has been done you just think what the neck do I do now. 

It's only been about 3 weeks since i lost my Dad and it's such a bizarre feeling, trying to keep going but he never leaves my mind ever and then I have utterly rubbish days when I can't stop crying. On the good days I'm trying to fit stuff in and make the most of these days because the bad days are so awful and depressing. 

Are you working still, I've had a break but going back soon. Dreading it really. 

Sending best wishes your way and strength to keep on going. Hoping you have some good friends around you? Message me any time. 

xxxx

Hey Rosie

I feel just lost now, I've crammed in so much in 3 weeks trying to organise everything and one. Sorting his financial affairs. Now it's just come to a stop. Feeling like I'm more tearful now. Cry for no reason but then feel in a case it me weird.

I'm always thinking about my dad even if nothing around me reminds me I still manage to associate some thing to him. 

I've been off work since before he died, I can't even comprehend the thought of going back at all. He was always the reason why I would have time off at Xmas, travel back to see him,  I live 250 miles away normally. Don't want to leave, I always used to call him almost every day travelling home after work. Now he won't be there. Not sure I want to go back to that normality. 

I have my bf, as good as he's trying to be he has no idea what it feels like .

Sorry had a rough day today. How are you doing? Do you find your ok then feeling just awful?? 

Xxxx 

Yes if you don't have to definatly don't rush back to work, take as much time as you can or need. 

I'm thinking of finding a new job pretty soon, feel like I need to create a new normal now as the old happy normal has disappeared. 

My boyfriend the same he's really truly kept me going but no one at all can possibly understand unless they have unfortunately been there. It's really hard to put into words the trauma in all of it isn't it. Not just the fact they've gone but how awful it was before they went too. 

That's it's, it's like waves yesterday I did well had a positive day the sun was shining but some days it's awful, or the mornings ok but the evening is awful. My Dad never leaves my mind but I'm managing to talk about him with people who have been there for me and it helps to talk about him. 

Are you going to go to any one to one or group session counselling, I've been in touch with cruise bereavement so I'm thinking of it. 

xxxx