Hi Danny,

While I might not be able to do much to help (I'm still very new to the site myself) I just thought I should put in a few words of comfort and let you know that you've came to the right place for help and support. Everyone on here is very kind and welcoming, and I'm sure they can do better than me at giving you the facts you need!

First off, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis. My mum was diagnosed last month too, and I know exactly how you feel. It takes a while for the shock to wear off but it's really good you're taking positive steps and learning what you can already.

All I can really say is not to worry to much. Like I said my mum was only diagnosed a month or so ago, and she's already had her lump removed and looking at treatment options now. The doctors move very fast and do everything they possibly can to stop it spreading, and they're more than willing to answer all the questions you have, even the ones that feel silly.

What helped my mum while she was waiting for her operation was to try and keep everything as positive as possible, even to the point of making jokes of it sometimes. I'm still promising her that if chemo makes her hair go I'm buying her an electric blue wig. But other than that I would maybe say ask her if she'd rather have someone else tell friends and family about it, as that's what seemed to hit my mum hardest.

As for yourself, I just tried to keep my mind off things as much as possible. I figured whatever was going to happen would happen anyway so making myself sick over it wouldn't help any. I don't think it would make your mum or mine feel any better to know we're so worried! Try to talk to people about it as well, even if it's just coming on here and having a rant.

I hope that everything goes okay, and that all your family can pull together and help each other through.

Best wishes,

Rebecca.

Hi Rebecca,

Thanks so much for replying, I really appreciate your input. It's a good point you make about what ever is going to happen will happen, it's out of my control. Maybe that's what I'm having issues with more than anything else. I'm not used to being helpless in that way.

I'll really need to focus in making this as easy as possible for my Mum and the best way to do that is to be as positive as possible and deal with the results as and when we know them. Luckily she is away on holiday tomorrow for a week in the sun that has been booked for months, so hopefully that will take her mind of things and it will also give me a chance to research further about how I can help.

Thanks again for your input, it's giving me more confidence going into the future and I hope that your Mum finds the right treatment for her and that she doesn't need an electric blue wig!!

Hi Danny...

I'm also new here.

I have no words of wisdom or even advice as I am going through a similar situation that I still haven't managed to wrap my head around.

All I can do is wish you lots of Luck, love and light. To you and your whole family..

Good luck..

Hayley x

Hi Danny,

I can see that you have had a couple of responses to your post. I just wanted to let you know that we have a team of nurses here at Cancer Research UK that you can call to speak to if you think it might help answer some questions and ease your anxiety. You can call them Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040 (free to call from a UK landline).

We do also have lots of information on our Cancer Help website about breast cancer that you may find helpful.

Kind regards,

Jenn

Cancer Chat moderator

Hi Haley,

Thanks for taking the time to respond to me, I'm actually just out of hospital myself (only for a minor knee operation, nothing bad)  so I'm a bit late in responding.

I really appreciate your kind words and wish the same for you and your family.

Danny.x

Hi Jenn,

Thanks for letting me know about the helpline, I think I will make a call. My head is all up in the air at the minute, 2 weeks ago this wasn't even on my radar and now I just feel so helpless and uncertain. I could use any help that's going.

I really appreciate what you guys are doing here, I'm learning so much every day.

Danny.

Hi Danny,

So sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis. If I can help in any way I will. First, now the diagnosis has been made, be assured that the medics will do the very best for your mum. I was diagnosed with Ductal Invasive Carcinoma in November 2012, I was 61. It was Grade 3, Oestrogen and Progesterone positive but HER 2 negative. I had a mastectomy and a sentinal node biopsy - 3 nodes removed, only one contained cancer cells. I had chemotherapy, but refused radiotherapy. I'm now on at least 5 years of Anastrazole to stop the production of Oestrogen, and annual mammograms/breast checks.

You will feel helpless, but after the surgery, when a treatment plan is in place, you will feel more in control. Ask lots of questions about the type of tumour your mum has, and what the best treatment will be for her. If it is a low grade, radiotherapy may be all she needs, but if the tumour is Hormone positive, she will need to take a daily tablet to ensure the cancer won't come back. Wishing you both well as the whole family goes through this experience. Take Care

poemsgalore. xx

Hi poemsgalore,

Thanks so much for taking the time to resond to me and sharing your experience. It must have been terribly difficult for you and probably still is (please excuse my relative ignorance!)

I will be sure to ask as many questions as possile about  the tumor and treatment, that's excellent advice and I've noted it down. I've also started to learn more about grades and also the impact that hormones have. I've figured that since I won't know until the next the pathologist tells us, I might as well arm myself with facts and not get caught up too much with the if's, buts and maybes. I am now realising, without discounting any possible outcomes, that my Mum is likely to be in a better position than most people. Which is a lot better than where my head had taken me on hearing the diagnosis.

Again, I really appreciate the selflessness you and everyone else has shown in trying to help me. I can't thank you guys enough.

I wish you nothing but happiness and the best of health,

Danny.x

Just wanted to give a wee update:

My Mum had the lumpectomy and they removed her lymph nodes. We got great new from the pathologist that the cancer hasn't spread and everything is as good as they'd expected. Once she has fully recovered from the operation she will begin 3 weeks of radiotherapy (10 mins, 5 times a week) and will be on medication for 5 years, just like you said.

Obviously there was a massive wave of relief at the news but I know that the rest of the treatment won't be a breeze, so I just intend on being as supportive as I can and hopefully we can all enjoy Christmas with a much brighter looking future.

On a side note. It is with the most horrible twist of fate that 2 days after we had this great news her best friend was given the worst news and is basically now recieving paliative care. Whatever happens from now on I will never take for granted what I have and I will never for a minute think that cancer is what happens to someone else's loved ones. I am acutely aware that this is everyone's battle now and I will be doing everthing I can to be as helpful and supportive to others. Hopefully everyone will one day as until they ever find a cure, it's going to affect every single one of us, so we'd better do all we can to fight it.

I can't thank everyone on here enough for pitching in with advice and comfort. I truly appraciate the selflessness of you all.

Thanks again,

Danny.x

So happy for your mum regarding her successful treatment. It must surely have been a bitter blow to be told her friends news after that. Sending you all big hugs and hope the treatment isn't too bad. xx