Hi , I’m new to this group too ! I know exactly how you feel my mum was diagnosed secondary breast cancer last year , currently having another attempt at chemo to suppress it although nothing has worked so far :( I’m very close to her she is my rock . 

My friends are lovely and always say we are here if you need us but I feel that they don’t understand and I don’t want to feel like I always talk about the same thing ! 

That’s where this is great to meet and talk to people going through exactly the same emotions and to say how you feel . 

Your welcome to Message me although I have to say I’m not the same age . 

Take care lea x

Hi flower, 

I’m a bit older at 31, my dad is 58 and we have been told there is nothing more they can do for him after his diagnosis in August and treatment attempt since. 

I feel like there is all the love and sympathy in the world, but like you I know no one unless they have been through it understands, I certainly didn’t prior to this. 

Every day is painful and you can’t imagine a life without them. I’m constantly upset or worrying about how he is feeling or what he is thinking, it’s so so cruel xx

I completely agree, some friends have been great but I don’t really feel that they understand the extent of all this and how badly it is affecting me. 

Im sorry to hear about your Dad, it’s just *** isn’t it? Life is so cruel and unfair. Like you, I’m struggling to think of a future without my Mum. Like really struggling to think of it. Maybe we shouldn’t think like this and should just take it day by day? I have no idea how we will get through this. 

Whats the situation with your Dad currently? Is he at home? 

Also so what’s hard to understand is that life has to carry on. I still need to pay my rent and my bills and I still need to go to work. It’s just so difficult to cope with. Really feel alone with everything. 

Hi Flower606

My mum battled with breast cancer for 4 years and sadly lost her fight two weeks ago.

I’m 24 and like you my mum was my best friend. We did everything together. 

I feel exactly how you feel, no one really understands what you’re going through until they have been through it themselves.

Before my mum died i imagined that when the time did come that she passed away i would not leave the house, not want to do anything but actually you have no choice but to just get on with life. In the end, it was the best thing to happen as she began to suffer and that is the hardest thing to see.

I suppose my only advice to you right now would be to just enjoy the time that you have left with your mum and make as many memories as you can.

Always here to talk,

Hayley

Yep it is ****, the most unimaginable pain ever, we shouldn’t have to go through this so young, or them so young. 

My biggest problem is dreaming up situations in the future that haven’t happened yet so we really do need to take each day as it comes. 

I am 36 weeks pregnant so have the added pressure of hoping he will meet his first grandchild. 

Right now I am spending every minute I can with him, he is at home and getting up and dressed every day, but it wipes him out and spends a lot of time resting in the chair and nodding on and off. We know it’s aggressive, but with no more scans no idea of what’s happening inside. Xx

Hi Hayley, 

It was nice to hear from you, I appreciate your message. It sounds like we are in very similar situations. 

I hope you are as ok as you can be, life is so cruel :( how you imagined yourself to be is exactly how I imagine myself to be. Not going out, crying all day etc. It’s going to leave a very big hole in our heart when she goes. I guess life just has to go on, even when you don’t want it to. 

I am spending every minute I can with her, despite when I have to be in work etc and her being in a lot of pain and discomfort which is just horrible to see. Have you taken time off work? 

Would be nice to chat more if you want.

L x 

Hi,

im so sorry u have had to go through this so many times, my mum got cancer twice and that was painful enough having it come back after we though we’d beaten it. I’m 15 and my mum died when I was 11, I’m always up to talk especially since my friends are great but they just haven’t been through the same thing. I wish u all my strength and courage xx

Yes, i have taken quite a bit of time off actually. I just went into work and explained to my boss (literally broke down in front of him) what was going on and he said to take as much time as i needed off. I just didn’t want to regret not being there for mum when she needed me.

Do you know what, i feel like i felt so much worse in myself just before mum died when she was in hospital. I wouldn’t eat for days, wouldn’t do anything and i think it was the knowing that she didn’t feel good that made me worse. Now she is at peace obviously i miss her so much but i know she’s not in any discomfort now and i feel like i just have to get on with things.

I’m so jealous of other people that have their mum. For instance when i’m out shopping and i see people with their mums i just feel so down. And you think why can’t that be me and my mum.

Today is mums funeral so i’m feeling really nervous but i hope it will be a nice day. Would like it to be a celebration of her life rather than filled with sadness. 

Maybe you could explain to work what is going on and they might let you have some time off? 

Also, i know this is a bit of a controversial topic, but have you looked into getting cannabis oil for your mum? We wanted to do this for my mum but she was very by the book and didn’t want to go behind the dr’s back and do something that she shouldn’t.

Hayley x

I’m glad your boss has been understanding about it. I guess you’ll know when you’re ready to go back but you need to take the time for yourself first. 

I really hope today goes okay for you. I think looking at it like a celebration of life is a good way to look at it, all you can do today is get through it. The funeral is what I’m most scared about to be honest. I feel like I’ll just be a blubbering mess. I hope you are coping with it and at least after today this extremely difficult day will be done with. 

I feel jealous of people with their healthy mums too. It’s so unfair isn’t it. I just want to tell them to make the most of everything though.

My boss has been great with me - over Christmas I took 7 weeks off as Mum was in hospital and the hospice. She then began to improve enough that they let her come home, at which point I went back to work but I only work 3/4 days instead of 5. So they have been good about it. I still feel guilty for being in work though when I should be with my mum but I also have things to pay for so have no choice really. It does take my mind off things a bit. 

I think I’m currently feeling really ***, just like you were, because of seeing mum suffer all the time. It’s really difficult. She’s been spending a lot of time in bed, which she hates. 

I really hope today goes okay for you, thinking of you and I’m here to chat if you want to after it. 

L x 

Oh also- I have looked into cannabis oil but I think much like your Mum she is very by the book! I think she would worry that she was taking something that hasn’t been prescribed. And I’m not sure how it will mix with her other meds... I might chat to my Dad about it later and see what he thinks!