Hay ... bless ya ...

So much, for someone so young ... loosing a mum at 18 is crule ... no wonder you feel lost and lonely .. you know you can say anything on here .. you can write down All what's in your heart ... and sometimes just writting it down can really help ...

You could always write a letter to your mum and a dress it to heaven .. that may sound unusual,  but when I lost my mum, I used to get her a xmas card, and write a letter in it , telling her everything I would tell her if she were right here .. and who knows just maybe there's a delivery up there ...

I'm a nan to 6 and a great nanny to two .. if you'd like a vertual nanny , I've room for one more ... I can't take away your pain, but I'm a really good listener ... I've chatted to others who lost their mum's for a while .. they were like you, had no female to chat too ... 

My little niece lost her parent when young and we used to chat all the time ... even now I remember how hard it is for you young ones .. you have your whole life ahead of you ... one day you will hold a baby in your arms and know the greatest love of all ... but you need to talk right now ... 

My heart goes out to you ... I lost both my parents in my 30s... l had longer then you ... but it's never long enough having our mum's... she was my best friend to ... and was hard to talk about it too at the time .. as my ex hubby just said "everyone's got to die sometimes" and I had 2 boys 16 and 7 ... couldn't talk to my sister's coz they'd cry .. I just wanted to talk ... so if you want someone to just talk to .. I'm here ..

Sending you a vertual nanny hug .. they are very spiecial ones I save for my little granddaughter... but I'm sure she'd love you to have one .... Chrissie  

I am so sorry, you are such a strong person. I'm 19 and the eldest sibling, I could never in all my life even imagine going through what you have and then being brave enough to keep composed for my younger siblings but being the selfless, courageous person you are - you've used all your strength to do just that. You are extraordinary and I'm sure that your mum's spirit and your memory of her is part of what keeps you so strong. Loss comes in many ways, now that your friends are moving on it may seem like nobody has time for you but it's because sometimes people become so enthralled in the present that they can't take time to appreciate everything they have. Part of them moving on seeming so drastic is the fact that you can't. I know you feel alone and isolated but part of it is because you're isolating yourself with your grief. You think that because you're meant to be the strong, elder sibling and your dad doesn't seem to understand your pain that you aren't worth being able to share your grief or be "weak" for any second. It is not acting out, no matter what you think your dad sees it as, it is pain. There is nothing that can take away from that and you're entitled to it, no matter how many years down the line it is. I have felt loss too and the pain of not seeing someone you love again can be soul destroying but believe me when I say that opening up is the key to coping with your grief, step by step. If you're worried about your dad having misconceptions of you or your friends not giving you time, just write them a letter or a text just like the message you've written here. Show them how you're feeling, show them you need help- you can't always be the strong one, you need a break and compassion too. If an absolute stranger like myself can see this then they will, please don't be scared. A little thing like a damn hug from your dad after seeing how you feel will show you you don't have to feel alone even with many people around you. If you're just not ready yet, I am here. To be a friend and to listen to you, it's what you deserve. You're not alone. 

I am sorry to read your post. I know how you feel but I am a Mum and it breaks my heart to read your comments.  I lost my mother to ovarian cancer ten years ago.  I have three children, well I say children it they are adults actually! I am undergoing chemotherapy as I have breast cancer.  I am very positive about it all although I am scared stiff too.  I have a lot in front of me and I look terrible as I have lost a lot of my hair but not all of it, not a good look!  

What you have gone through will have changed you, the way you see life.  Your friends won’t understand even if they try as they won’t have gone through such an emotional journey as you.  You also miss your mum, I understand that, even after ten years I do too.  I don’t have any older women in my life and I miss that so much so for you it’s much harder.  Try to think of the lovely times you had with your Mum, you’re lucky to have had a good relationship with her,  not everyone is so lucky.  Try to talk, even if it’s someone you don’t know, sometimes that can be better but please don’t bottle it up. 

You’re very young to carry such emotional turmoil but you must live your life.  I would want my children to.  I would hate to think of them paralysed by loneliness and upset.  I would want them to love me but carry on living, proving that I had done a good job.  My heart goes out to you.  If I can help by just reading or writing you a message I will. Let me know.  Take care xx