Hi there ...

So so sorry you lost your wonderfull mum ... cancer sucks , but as someone on my own journey,  I want to be remembered before cancer, like all those years your mum had before she got ill .. 

I know cancer wants you to be eaten by those last memories .. it wants you consumed by what it does .. it wants to replace all those goid memories,  till you only feel how it was at the end .. then cancer wins .. it wants you to be a victim of it too ... 

But when it gets too hard.. sit down, close your eyes, and recall the best, funniest memory you have of her ...relive it slowly, word for word ... how she looked then... how it made you feel .. do it again untill those crule memories are replaced by nicer ones ... think what your mum would say to you now .. she's still there tucked up safe in your heart .. you are half of her .. do in life what would make her proud .. she will live through your eyes ...

Anger grows like a cancer in us .. till that's all we feel ... let the anger go .. and replace it with the thought you were blessed to have had her in your life .. so many will never know a mothers love .. we were both blessed with wonderful mum's. .. let's hope our kids think of us that way .. Chrissie xx

Thanks Chrissie,

sounds like you know the pain I’m feeling. Thank you for your message. I’m trying so hard , all I want to do is dream of my mum or close my eyes and see her but I can’t it’s not happening and I hate it.

i will try and let the anger go as I know my mum would hate me feeling like this but it keeps poking its head up.

i feel totally blessed to have had her in my life.

i hope your journey your going through gets easier too.

lina xxx

I lost my mum to Breast Cancer on Apr 7 and I too had to watch her go through a lot of pain before she passed. My mum had palliative care at the hospital and all the nurses can do was give her pain relief to make her as comfortable as possible. I felt helpless too. I do miss mum a lot and I keep a photograph with me all the time. We must stay strong.

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s so hard isn’t it. I try so hard at night to see her face when I close my eyes and pray she’ll appear in my dreams but nothing. We have to carry on but it’s so hard xxx

Hi, I am Sorry for your loss. The feelings you have in this situation it can’t be compared with anything. I lost my mum 4 weeks ago, I am still hoping someone will come to tell me that the person we buried it wasn’t my mum or that  it was just a bad dream. Time is passing and nobody is telling me that all this was just a bad dream. I am a mum too, I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. Everybody is telling me I have to stay strong for her, but Some days I struggle to talk to anyone, I have days when All I want is to cry. I fell so helpless, I feel so guilty that I couldn’t save my mum, I can’t smile and play with my daughter, I don’t know how to help my dad and sister to cope with this grief. I am angry. My mum didn’t deserve this end, she wanted so much to live. I remember when she was diagnosed she asked me to ask the doctor if there are any chances for her to live. ( she seemed so helpless, like a kid begging for a treat, only that she was begging for life). Why is life so cruel? Why do we have to suffer so much? I believe we all ask ourselves these questions? I hope we will come to see better days, to be happy with our lives, whit this so called gift we received from God, a gift which can be taken away from us at any time. A gift which many times is sorrow and despair. 

I’m so so sorry, but that doesn’t mean anything or change anything. It’s like your living in my shoes with your story. My beautiful mum was diagnosed October 9th with pancreatic cancer and we watched her suffer like no one should every strip of her dignity was taken away by this evil disease. My mum too wanted to live, she said to me I just want to be better. I’m two months into this new life without mum and it feels like yesterday.I go to the cemetery every day to talk to her and can’t believe my mum is lying there. My dad keeps saying he can’t live without my mum and I’m so worried for him too. I have an 11 yr old autistic son and a 6 yr old daughter and I too cry a lot. My mum idealised her grand children saying they were her favourite things in life.  So I try so so hard to pull myself together in front of them as my mum would say come they need you. My daughters school made my daughter a memory box for her to put all her special memories in and that’s something we do together which is nice because we get to talk about how amazing she is. Nothing I can say will help, nothing anyone can do will help. We want our mums back where they should be with us, but we’re never going to get that. I’m thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs xxxxx

Thank you LC71. We are indeed in similar situations. I wish things would be different, unfortunately they not. Memory boxes are a great idea. Unfortunately my daughter only so her grandma once maybe twice yearly, mostly spoke to her via webcam conversation. I lived 3000 miles away from my mum and dad. I left home to go to university at 18, and only went home to visit from then, I Skyped mum daily, some days 3 to 4 times. Mum was diagnosed last year feb 28. It has been really difficult to be so far from her. We are 3 sisters living in  different countries. We all took  turns to go home  and be with mum. We arranged for her to have treatment with a private clinic and have acces to most recent treatment, I put all my hope in this clinic, I only focused on positive forums, and I never thought mum will go so fast.         I somehow feel cheated, I fell that I bought my mum’s death by pushing her to have the liver resection and all the chemo and molecular treatments. I feel bad for not being there with her before she went into operation, I feel bad for not challenging the doctors and asking them more about the real situation she was. I fell bad for being so far from my dad, he is all on his own. He goes to her grave daily, I cannot convince him to come and stay with me. He said he does not want to abandon mum, he needs to look after her grave. Is heart breaking, I don’t know what to do. Writing this down it helps me release some pressure. I believe this is why you wrote on the forum. I wish I could give you some hints on how to cope with things but I can’t. I light a candle all the time, I make coffe and invite mum to sit with  me as we use to , I write her frequently  on her messenger account, send her pictures, tell her how much I miss her. This helps me cope, some may think I am insane. Sending you good thoughts and blessings, thinking of you. 

You must feel terrible living far away from your parents, but no one thinks about these things at the time as we are all just living. I live a 30/40 min drive away from my dad and I find that hard not being there all the time to help. Guilt is is horrible thing!!! I was with my mum every day from her diagnosis till she died leaving her about 2pm in afternoon at beginning and staying till 7ish at later stages as I needed to get my to my kids especially my son as his autistic I threw his total routine causing him distress. Life is hard you just don’t know what to do for the best. One thing I can say to you is don’t feel guilty about your mum having treatment and resection, you all did your up most by what I’ve read to give your mum the chance to fight it. My dad about 8 years ago had liver cancer and his best chance of survival was a liver resection, we were blessed then that it worked even though it was a difficult time. I know with my mum if they gave us even a tiny amount of hope that anything could help her we would have tried but unfortunately it was too late for her. I wish I had a magic wand to make all this pain go away and for laughter and happiness to be back in our lives but that will never happen. Be strong , enjoy your coffee  and chat you have with your mum , your not insane I do it all the time. You know the bond you had with your mum and the love that you both felt. Hang on to that as I do, remember all the beautiful and precious memories.

xxxx

Your words have really touched me and I think they will give me some strength. I’m in a tough place right now. My Mum passed on Monday - a catastrophic occurance following 6 months of chemo and dignity stripping side effects and resulting symptoms of cancer.

Chriss, I’m so sorry and my heart goes out to you. I know the pain and the gut wrenching sorrow you are feeling. Sending you you massive hugs xxx