Hello,

New to this forum but came across it and hoped it might help to vent on here and speak to people going through the same thing. 

My Mum had triple negative breast cancer around 4-5 years ago, she had a mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy and as far as we knew was cancer free. In October she went to the docs with headaches and co-ordination issues, and they kept her in after a scan which showed brain tumours. We didn't have a great experience in hospital and felt like we were told lots of different stories, giving us hope and then tearing it from us, with one doctor saying one thing and another saying something else. After nearly a week we were due to see the specialist and then they said she had to be rushed to a different hospital for her treatment. At this point we only thought she was having stereotactic radiotherapy as this was what had been mentioned, only to get there and be told she was having brain surgery!! We never saw the specialist and it was down to the brain surgeon to tell us she also had small cancers in her lungs, and she would be having brain surgery the day after. 

The operation went well and they removed 95-98% of the main cancerous tumour, and that she would need radiotherapy to get rid of the reaminder and a smaller one which they are pretty sure is benign.

After a few more ups and downs with the doctors and specialists she is now due to have brain radiotherapy in the next two weeks, scans to see how fast it's growing (I guess), and then decide whether/when she will want chemo for the other stuff once she's got over the radio. 

She seemed to have been coping quite well, being positive, but then the last few days she has been saying she might postpone and treatment to have a bit better quality of life while she can, and she just can't be bothered with living this nightmare at the moment. I think she is dreading feeling tired to the point where she can't do anything, as the radio made her like this last time, and they say it could be worse due to it being on the brain this time.

Obviously this is heart breaking and while I want her to do what she feels she wants to do, I just feel like (selfishly) I want her to do all she can to extend her life. 

I think a lot of the feelings over the last few days come after she had a letter from the specialist to say she has scans on the 11th, which include on of her stomach, and she's presuming they think it's gone to her liver too.

I feel like I've been coping ok up until the last few days, I'm struggling to think about anything but this and can't concentrate on work or anything else. I feel like I want to just cry and see my Mum but I don't want to show her I'm scared. 

We've always been the best of friends, seeing each other all the time and always talking or texting, and obviously the thought of being without her at some point, sooner rather than later, hurts so much. I've just this September got married, so I'm beyond greatful she was there and we were normal then for that, but just want her to be there for all the other things (at 26) I (and my younger sister) still have to do which you want your Mum there for. (Selfish thinking again I know)

I apologise for the hugeeee post, I just read some similar feeds where people said it had helped to vent and some of the posts I've already read  from people in similar positions have helped too. 

Also if anyone has been through/had someone go through radiotherapy on the brain and can share their experience that would also be good to hear, good or bad.