Hi tiggywinkle, 

I'm so sorry to hear your husband has passed away and on behalf of the Cancer Chat team I want to offer you our condolences.

Your letter is so beautfiul and touching. It's clear how much you loved your husband and I'm sure he knew that and was so grateful you were with him at the end. Many members on the forum will really be able to connect with what you have written having gone through this process themselves and I'm sure they will post soon to offer their support. In the meantime I have found some information about coping with loss that may help you at this time.

Kind Regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

I'm so sorry 4 u loss of u husband my heart goes out 2 u . What touching letter it made me cry it's so cruel thanks in sharing the letter it must have been so hard 4 u in writing the letter . Take care :( 

He. Your letter mirrors my thought at the start of the year. I was plummeted into a similar situation at the start of the year. My husband out of the blue became seriously and died within three weeks of the illness starting. Like you I blame myself for not paying enough attention I ask did I ignore signs that he was ill. I don't know the answer but I do know he would never blame me for what happened. We had time not a lot to say what needed to be said before he suddenly lapsed into a semi conscious state. I carry on. I hate my life at times. I want him back so badly. It won't happen and I am now entering the acceptance faze of bereavement. I font like it never will but need to live as I have a family who rely on me.  Please look after yourself keep pictures of your husband around. It helped and hopefully it will help you. Warmest wishes 

Thank You Steph, I'm struggling massively with my loss, everything seemed to spiral out of control so quickly. My husband looked so well up until 1-2 weeks before he died.  When he was admitted to Hospital it was with an infection, which he'd had a few times before. While there he was given a CT scan because of stomach pain and they found that the cancer had spread to his liver and said that further treatment would not be beneficial.  Once given this news, it seemed almost like he gave up any hope and submitted straight away after which he deteriorated very quickly.  I still feel like everything is very unreal, and that any minute I'll wake up and he'll be by my side, regardless of the fact that I am currently arranging his funeral.   When I wrote my letter to him, it was the start of a complete journal of his cancer journey which I am still writing now, mainly because I talked to him about everything and anything, except his cancer which he never wanted to discuss with me and because I feel like I need to put it all down on paper so I can see where we might have gone wrong or where we may have missed something important that we were told that might have had us better prepared.

Thank you Gemini, so sorry if I made you cry. My letter was'nt so much hard to write, but it was extremely hard to post on here.  I wrote it because  I knew that I was never going to be able to have another conversation with him ever again and I feel cheated that we we did'nt have the opportunity to prepare properly. It does all seem very cruel, but kind words from people like you definately do help, so thank you.

Best Wishes x

Wilan,

Thank you for your support, and I'm so sorry for your loss too.  Obviously you know exactly how I feel right now, although I am still not really believing all this has happened and I still keep thinking that he will wake me up any minute and it will all have just been a horrible dream. At the moment I am surrounded by family and friends, but it's this time of night when it really gets me, I'm unable to sleep and the events of the last couple of weeks go round and round in my head.  Thank you for your advice, I do have pictures of him which does help and it seems a lot less lonely knowing there are people who know exactly how I'm feeling.

Best Wishes to you. x

your in my prays 

Hi tiggywinkle hope u ok u don't have 2 say sorry u made me cry it was touching letter and personal 1 for u I want 2 thank u in sharing . Take care sending u big hugs x 

I am so sorry to hear your news. You have been through a terrible time but you were there for your husband when he needed you most.  Please be kind to yourself and try to rest when you can. Your letter is so beautiful and shows how much you loved him. Sending you much ️ Sara xxx