Hi there,

Sorry to hear about your husband. I can relate to you saying your husband's passing was so special but heart breaking too. My husband's passing last Wednesday was the same. Myself and 3 kids was there at least 30 minutes before he passed and it wasn't a nice passing tbh, he was sedated but gasping for breath and turned purple. I covered his eyes with a towel as it was upsetting to see. We was glad we was there though, we kept everything as normal as possible for my husband and ourselves.

The run up to Christmas day will be so hard, I've told my kids and family I won't be doing Christmas and New Year, it's all too much atm.

You're doing so well writing down your feelings and we're reading them as we're in the same boat as you, shocked and stunned at our loved ones passing. I genuinely feel robbed of 30+ I could of spent with my husband.

I find it therapeutic to chat and post, and I'm a talker myself but I can't talk to my kids that much as they're grieving too and it's different relationships which is why I come on here for help and friendship with other people like myself. 

Take Care xxxxxx

Hi lockharta4,

I am sorry for your loss. It is very difficult isn't it! I visited the forum again today because I have had such an awful day. I lost the love of my life, my soulmate and best friend of 43 years, 9 weeks ago yesterday. I can relate to everything you are saying. I too get set off by things that we shared, liked, didn't like, adverts, songs, and sometimes I break my heart and I don't know exactly what has set me off. I too am dreading the new year because it will be the first one my darling will never know. I didn't manage to get my husband home but I was at his side in the hospital for 4 days straight until he started his next journey without me. I too cry every single day, I feel lost and alone. Coming home to an empty house is agony, all the memories are agony, but I don't think I could move because I still feel close to him in the home we shared for all those years. 

Grief is different for all of us, there is no time limit. I mistakenly thought I would be a little prepared because I watched my John go downhill. I was so wrong. Even though I knew it was coming, I was not prepared at all. Some people do seem to cope better, it's just the way we are made. You loved and shared you life with your husband for 35 years, that's a long time, and it is reasonable to think it will take you a while to be feeling better.  There is no rhyme or reason to grief. It is hard, it is painful, it seems to me, to be never ending. Allow yourself to feel low, to cry.  You don't mention if you have had any counselling. Well something that is helping me is called a bereavement cafe. You meet people who are going through the same journey as you, you don't have to pretend you are coping, you don't have to be strong. You can cry and nobody will ask you the most rediculous question in the world. What is the matter!!! They don't have to ask because they know. These cafes are run by most hospices, are very informal, and might be helpful. 

Otherwise, my daily saying is 'One day at a time'. The future is too frightening to contemplate. I have been told that eventually the memories will be happy and comforting. I want to believe that but at the moment, they are just painful.

I'm not sure my post is very helpful, but I just wanted you to know that your thoughts, an feelings are normal. 

Take care

love Heather. X

Hi dear heart I come here to this forum because of the need to seek out people like you who are experiencing the same feelings that I am. Your story is heartbreaking just like so many others here and I'm truly sorry that you have to go through such a deep loss.

Like yours, my husband passed away and I am just missing him so much it is painful every day, tears are my new norm although privately as people around me expect me to be strong. So just know that you are not alone. Sometimes you wonder if anyone else feels such deep loss, if anyone loved their husband as much as you loved yours, if anyone is acting like they're coping but inside their heart hurts moment by moment. Yes I feel the same way and wonder these things then I come here to this forum and satisfy the need to bond with another person who feels such intense loss of love. Together we will all get through this pain and grief with the hope of easier days always on the horizon.

Take heart my dear others are standing and rooting for you. I certainly am.

I am so very sorry to hear about the recent passing of your Husband and have to say a big Thank You for taking the time whilst still grieving for taking the time to send me a message.  It was very generous of heart to do so and I appreciate it.

I hope and pray that your pain will ease and send you much love at this saddest of times

Alison xx

Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me it was so very kind and caring

It was good for me to read that what I am feeling about certain things is 'normal'

I have never opened up as much as I did last night and to receive such wonderful support from people like yourself and others who are going through the same pain has been a humbling experience.

To know that I am not experiencing anything different/strange or that I am not 'mad' to still be grieving or getting upset over the silliest of things has been some sort of comfort I have come to believe it is only people going through the pain of losing their soulmate who can really understand what the emotions and feelings are truly like. I feel talking with people like yourself has helped me to understand that I am normal.

I just long for the day when I can think of the wonderful happy times I had with my Darling Ian, looking through his huge collection of photographs, listening to our favourite music, watching our favourite DVD, without ending up in floods of tears. I long for the laughter and joy which rang out in our home to return to my life as it was when he was alive.

My close friends are wonderful, I don't know what I would do without them, so in that respect I am blessed and am very grateful that they are all trying so hard to make my life easier and 'happier' despite hurting themselves. I feel I am pretending to them that I am getting there as they are doing with me.

Ian was a 'larger than life' character, so kind and patient, generous with his time and totally loyal towards the people he loved and his passing has left a huge void in our close circle of friends. He was the one they would turn to for advice or help, so I feel their pain too as they are struggling to come to terms with the fact that he is no longer here which also saddens me as I want to try and make it hurt less for them too. Sending you much love Alison xx

My husband Tim the love of my life passed away on Sunday 2nd  December. We were married for 25 magical years. He completed  me and now I have to learn to live without him. The grief is so raw and painful right now I can't imagine it fading. I am staying with with my son and his wife at the moment who are being amazing but all i want is to be back home with Tim doing the normal every day things and then fall asleep next to him. I miss hearing him breathing next to me. I miss everything about him.

Hello.... I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  I wanted to respond to you because the title of your post resonated so much with me (and with so many others by the looks of things).  2 weeks ago today my wonderful, gorgeous, kind, husband died peacefully at home.  I was by his side - he smiled and then sighed.  But he was taken too soon - he was 58,  Like so many others I am so grateful that he is no longer suffering (although Steve did not suffer any pain, thank goodness, but he did suffer and struggle) but the pain of missing him is so intense. It feels like a huge weight crushing my chest,  For a moment, just a split second, I forget and then I remember and everything comes crashing back in on me. It is just so difficult, so unfair.  There is no justice in the world.  The one thing that keeps my going is that if I stop, if I give in, if I decide that everything is just too much then this cancer has won, It has beaten both of us.  I don't want that to happen, Steve would be furious with me,  Steve and I loved each other,  YOu and your husband loved each other, Heather and John, Maxine and Pete loved each other.... so many, many couples have been torn apart by cancer, but if one of you survives, then in some way, you both do.  Love keeps going, you keep going..... sorry I'm rambling.  I guess what I'm trying to say is please everyone keep putting one foot in front of the other - it is what our loved ones would want us to do and what WE would want them to do if the roles were reversed.  Cry, scream, yell, laugh, smile, reminisce, keep the memories flowing but don't give up.... life is just too precious now - we're living for 2 now - we've got to make it count for them!!

xxxxx

Hi lockharta4,

I just read your post and wanted to reply to support you like all the others on this forum. I lost my husband on the 29th July this year, so nearly the same time as your husbands passing.

I too still cry everyday and am finding it extremely difficult, it feels like as time goes on I miss him more especially this time of the year. I have just come back from having dinner with my brother and his family, although it was lovely to have company this is the 1st time I have been there without my darling Tony. It felt like half of me was missing, that extra chair empty and no place setting for him, I held it together for the sake of them but now find myself on here crying. It is a such a lonely life without him, we had been together 32 years and would have been married 30 years next year. He was only 51 and passed away with metastatic pancreatic cancer after being diagnosed within 2 weeks. I was with him but he passed away so quickly in the hospital I didn’t get a chance to bring him home. 

You are not alone with your grief, my doctor told me that you have to go through this process and you have to deal with it your way.

Sending you lots of love.

Debbie51

Yes I agree, as much as I desperately miss my husband of 30 years I will not let his illness win. It is so hard though especially coming home to a empty house, or preparing 2 cups of tea as I've always done, or having to watch those annoying life insurance adverts and Ifind Christmas adverts with couples are upsetting.

My husband was ill for months and I did think I'd be prepared for the passing as I knew It was soon. How wrong I was. It's been so emotional, I've also got 3 kids vety emotional.  It's the memories that get to you, they pop up least expected and I'm off crying, actually I sob and talk then rant,  I soon quieten down and then I have a headache for the night.

I love you my darling Peter xxxxxx