Hi rainbow ...

I answered your first post ... and remember your journey ..

Don't let her get to you and your sister ... some people are plain mean .... but at the end of the day, you only have to look in the mirror... your half of him .. he's right there in your heart .. and she will never have that .. try to keep in mind the best , funniest memory you have of him .. and late at night when you can't stop feeling upset .. remember that good time .. slowly ... relive every word, and remember how it made you feel .. till the good memory blows the painfull ones away ..

I think you've got delayed shock ... it's hitting you more now .. and I remember well that feeling after mum went, everything else was like I was watching it all go on , on t.v ... because how could the world still turn, when my life was turned upside down ... and after a while, people want you to move on, not dwell on the past .. when in truth, the more we talk about it, the better we feel ... it's holding it all in, that hurts ...

And as for your dad's wife, I hope what goes around , comes around .. and she ends up lonely, and realise how hurtful she was to you both ... crule people, end up lonely most times ... but you keep your dad in your heart now .. and I'm sure your sister needs to talk about it too .. so hold each other's hand ...

Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie xx

Hi your not alone this happens whatever age its so so early for you i.often advise people to seek counciling because like you said the world starts  to go back to normal but you dont  your husband cant feel the way you do its your mum if hes still got his mum and dad he cant know thats were the counciling comes in i lost my partner a year last may and i still bring liz up in conversation but people change the subject or ignor what i said its not that they dont care they just dont know how to answere they think there trying to get your mind off it thinking it helps but its blinking anoying the councilings weekly and the councilers are there for you to ask questions rant chat but it hurts to start with and it not a magic bullet but its a start .crissies dead right I've lost mum and dad and many otheres so ime no stranger to grief but each loss is diffrent .what your going through is pretty normal its such a lonely road but it does get easier as time goes by all you can do is struggle on through and i think theres no easy way but with counciling talking to otheres on here that have or are going through like you just makes it that bit eisier allso if your dad wasnt married to your partner or a will involved then you are a benifishery of your dads estate thats a legal thing you have to talk to a soliciter but be carful as this lady and you  dad and her have love oneanother and her life will feel like its ended she will be suffering to and we dont think logicaly when we are grieving you can ring the samaritans if you feel no ones listening and your feeling lost i did in fact i did everything to get me throe it ime still struggling now and then. Dont you hate that word when people havant a clue say to move on i just say go on then you tell me how then they start stuttering because they dont know .so just take it a day at a time  your on a lonely road but eventualy you wake up one morning and notice the suns a bit brighter your heart dosnt feel so heavy its sometimes one step back but you get there eventualy most do a few hang on to the pain you may find your memory of your dads fading dont worry it comes back slowly .paul

I'm finding the same Rainbow. People's compassion and understanding is very short lived. My brave strong Dad had metastasised advance prostate cancer. He passed away on 31 December 2018 but not from the disease he fought with dignity. He was in hospital with a chest infection and got hurt whilst there that caused a fatal brain hemorrage. So his death was unexpected. I'm as broken now as I was then but 11 months on and it feels people think I should be over it. But for me, like you, my life has stood still. I still can't believe I'm never going to see him again. I've gotten worse if anything. I think because after 11 months I'm having to start facing he's not here. I can't pretend anymore that he's somewhere. He's always been in the centre of my life. I've never not seen him. I don't want him to just be a memory and a photograph on the side. He had such presence in life. The inquest is soon. As macabre as it sounds I almost look forward to it because it's a day about him that makes him real in the world and not just in my head. I hope some peace comes to you sooner than it is to me. It's a very lonely place we're in. Xx

Hey Crissie thank you for replying, you have always known the right thing to say. I am lucky that me and my sister are very close and talk a lot. She feels similar to me at the moment and I know it's normal but it's so hard. I want to get to the new year, this one just feels like it's been horrible! 

I have taken the view that I dont need any contact with his partner anymore, I am pleased my dad was cared for and i think she really loved him but she is just not a nice person and very selfish. 

I like this forum as it makes this journey less lonely, and everyone is supportive. It's good knowing people understand.

[@Paulus]‍ thank you too for the supportive message, I have been thinking about counselling, especially as I have these awful distorted images of my dad, he had almost half his face removed during treatment and although he was left disfigured the visions and dreams I have are so much worse that the reality. Dr says this is not uncommon but agrees counselling would probably be a good idea. I just dont feel ready yet. I am so sorry to ready you have been through a huge loss too

I have been avoiding spending much time with friends recently, I have plenty of excuses but I think the reality is I havent wanted to, i dont feel happy and want to hide away. This week I have decided to see my best friend who I've avoided recently, I know she takes me as I am so I guess small steps to getting back to being me again x

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling too. It all seems so unfair, I have moments, days where i feel like I'm alright, like i am moving forward then wham I'm right back to this physical pain of losing him.

It sounds like you have a lot to face and I hope you get some answers to how this could happen. I am not surprised you aren't able to start healing yet. Your poor Dad.

Thank you for sharing your story, your right it sure is lonely x

Yes  small steps i can understand having nightmares about your dad bit of ptsd maybe .good your meeting up with your friend thats a good sign your getting a bit of normality back it does come but its so slow we dont notice it then theres one thing that makes you feel your on the mend .as to your dads partner you know best on that try not to bottle it up it just makes it seem worse this sites sites brought it out and thats good keep your chin up .paul

Hi myhero,

I'm really sorry about your dad. It doesnt matter that he was ill, it's not right to go into hospital for something routine and for this to happen. I hope you get the answers you want and need from the inquest 

My mum died 5 months ago. She had a routine operation under local anaesthetic and I was expecting to collect her the following morning. For some reason mum suffered a fatal brain haemorrhage 15minutes into the recovery room and I have no idea why. The post mortem ruled out foul play so I just have to accept for the rest of my life that mum was going to have a brain hemorrhage that day. It does my head in to think otherwise but I will always be suspicious.

I miss my mum so much and have no idea how I'm going to live the rest of my life without her. The passing of 5 months has done nothing to help so far x