just lost husband to stage 4 cancer

hello, everyone, I am from New York and came across this website that looks so helpful, on August 18th the love of my life passed away from stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to his liver, bones, and brain. This is the most painful thing I have ever gone through in my life, I feel so half empty without him. The crazy thing about it is we found out about cancer on August 1st by the 18th he passed away. Everything was such a shock and still is, it's killing me inside not having him here with me especially at night. I look at our four children and the thought that he won't be around for their growing up is unbearable. You know the symptoms did not start to show until July when he started complaining of his back, right shoulder, and arm, he went into the hospital on July 31st and on Aug 1st we found out about cancer, I thought he had months to a year, not two weeks can anyone else who has gone through this with a loved one please tell me how they deal and cope with this because I feel like I am going into depression I cry every day, I miss and love him so much we were together 16 years, I will never have another man like him  

  • Welcome to our forum, shakia6.

    I'm so sorry to hear that you just lost your husband to cancer. On behalf of everyone here at Cancer Chat I offer you our sincere condolences.

    Many of our members have been through this experience and will understand what you are going through at the moment. I hope some of them will be along soon to offer their support and share their experiences with you but in the meantime, I'm sending you some information about coping with grief which I hope can be of some help.

    And if you need us, just know that there is always someone here to listen.

    We're thinking of you at this difficult time.

    Warm wishes,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

  • So sorry ... I've not lost a partner but many loved ones have gone ... there's not much any one can say to help the pain go away but I can send you a big hug right over the Atlantic to you ... 

    try to not look too far ahead and deal with one feeling and day at a time ... then you won't be overwhelmed And slowly days do pass and I believe they don't leave they still keep an eye on us from where they are ... and sometimes think what he would say if he could and I know that helped me with dilemmas in my life ... 

    my thoughts are with you ... take care of your heart ️ xx

  • I am so sorry for your loss, my hubby has stage four lung cancer and we are battling through this as I write.  I wouldn't know what to do if I lost him but he would expect me to be strong for our daughter's and I am sure yours would want the same.  Take it a day at a time and let your feelings out.  Rely on others and accept help offered. My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Carol

  • Dear shakia6, I am in the similar situation as you are. My husband has some pain symptom in late July and was diagnosed with cancer of unknown primary in early August. He is still battling with his cancer at the moment but I have to tell you it's torture and heart breaking to see him struggling in pain for over a month now. We are also been together for 10 years and just before cancer kicked in, we have just bought our first house and planning for a family. I also feel like there is no future for me and no one would ever replace him. But for you, you need to be strong for your children. Think that at least your husband didn't have to suffer in pain in such a long period of time like my husband does. Cry whenever you need, seek comfort and love from your family or seeing professionals for your trauma. We were born in this world and living everyday walking to death, some people just go there faster and making everyone around him feel empty and lost and hurt. But probably in the other side of the World, he is starting his new life with a lot of new friends, laughing and enjoying his immortality and waiting patiently to see you again one day. Till that day comes, be strong, for your kids, live your life to the fullest and let time heal all the wound... I am writing this to you, as well as to myself, and to other wives who had lost, or losing their dear husbands....
  • Oh sweetie I'm so sorry for your loss x My dad also died of stage 4 lung cancer and even though he lived a year after his diagnosis it was so painful for everyone and he never accepted he was going to die and was in so much emotional distress that it made the whole journey more devastating because I felt like I could feel his pain and it really affected me It's been just over a year since he died and although still painful and shocking still, the good days outweigh the bad now! My advice sweetie would be to allow yourself to feel the different emotional stages that you will go through, everyone processes things differently but as cliche as this sounds, your pain will become more tolerable x lots of hugs sent your way xxxx

  • Hi Shakia bless you and your children I lost my husband within 2 months of diagnosis to cancer I want to send you all warmth and hugs. No one can take away the pain and loss or emptiness you feel for me crying has helped my children are grown up so I can cry when I want to.l know you are having to be strong for your children. When they are taken so quickly we feel cheated and rightly so.The only way I am getting by and it may not be anyone else's way is I know my husband wold not have wanted to go through treatment and it not work .They say things happen for a reason and although they were taken from us to soon their suffering was only short and the loving life you had and your family you had together is your reason for going on I try to wrap myself up in what we had it will never be enough for me but it helps me to think all of us who have lost someone did not choose to go away from them we had no choice. It's no good anyone telling us to be brave move on I have had these things and more said to me. There can never be for me an explanation as to why we lose the love of our life when we still have so much life to live hopefully we will see them again one day I hold on to that my love take care sweetie and whatever you are feeling go with it grief affects us all in different ways. Chrisx
  • Hi Shakia,

    I also lost my husband to cancer. He died suddenly mid Sept. I am at a total loss. I try to go long as normal but I don’t even know what that is anymore. People say it will get better but it doesn’t help with the now. 13 years ago I cared for my mum, she died from cancer. In Feb this year my dad was diagnosed with cancer, dying at the end of April. Then 2 weeks later my husband was diagnosed. He died after going into hospital to be treated for an infection, he was meant to come home, he was only there 5 days, he was fighting the cancer, this wasn’t meant to happen.

    Have you found anything that has helped?

    I just can’t get my head around it all. And it’s just the worst time with Christmas around the corner. 

  • Hi Shakia love and warmth to you I wish I had something that could help.You are still in shock babe I learnt this when my lovely kind doctor told me to try and think about me.Yes you are there for others but I found people telling me it would get better and easier did not help.we have lost so much we lie with them and now they are not there l have all our things the same as they have ever been I still have all his clothes and possessions even though people have recommended a trip to the charity shop.cry when you want feel sorry for yourself and wrap yourself up in good memories of your life together I even chuckle about our bickering which was silly now I think of it but that’s what makes you realise what a lovely hubby you had .you take care of yourself. I try to think they must be somewhere better and flying highand one day you will see him again the love you shared will always be there inside you will light candle for you .Christmas for me can come and go but no one will tell me how to feel because everyone is different and I will do it my own way because yes I am sad but also happy to have had my special wonderful Jim in my life always happy to chat if you need
  • I'm so sorry to hear of your loss & I can fully understand your heartbreak. I lost my beautiful wife 1 week ago & I just feel so so lost, 

  • Dear Shakia6, I truly feel your pain, I lost my beautiful husband only 19 days ago. He had ALK a rare form of lung cancer. Everyday is a struggle and I still can't comphrehend that he is no longer with me. We've been together for 27 years and have 2 beautiful children. I understand when you say the pain is unbearable. the night time and early in the morning is the worse for me. I dread going to sleep because I know that tomorrow will be the same empty feeling. I'm sad for all the things that he will not be able to experince, all the little milestones and big in our children's lives. I miss him so much that it physically hurts...people say time