Hi evieg1

This reaction of shutting out people especially loved ones is quite normal. It comes out of a desire to not want to place a burden or distress on those you love. I didn't tell my partner for a month after I was diagnosed, hiding hospital letters and visiting hospital secretly. When everyone knew I still refused help with lifts or visits from friends and family, wanting to just get on with it alone.

Go and visit your dad as soon as you can despite his protestations. He will hardly turn you away at the door. He will need space and time to come to terms with his situation but he can do that equally well with you being there. Then visit again as planned on your holiday.

Dear Evieg1,

I am so sorry, this was my family and I six weeks ago with my father. We lost my Dad on 1st July 2015 after diagnoses on the 11th June. Can I come from a very close family at least two of us were with my Dad each day from diagnoses. I know you Dad may want to sort out his affairs and one last holiday in a few weeks time in so positive for you all, But I would suggest going to your Dad now even to support your mum or dads partner! I hate to say this but that your Dad will become very weak in the coming and you will have positive and negative days.The week before my dad died we question if the doctors had got his diagnose right because he was the same dad i always knew  cracking jokes and being so positive, but a few days later Dad became very tired then slipped into a four day coma. Go and talk to your dad ask him what he needs you to do.Go and speak to all the agencies you need to about his care. My dad didn't want to go into a hospice and want to go home. So that's what we sorted for him. Go talk to him, cuddle him and find out the man your dad is. It's going to be a real *** ride, but you will find the strength to see this through. I am so proud of what  my family did for my dad in his last weeks, and every day I wished we didn't have to live through  what we did, 

I was always scared of death, but the final weeks of with my Dad had some truly beautiful moments and the words we exchanged as a family were just perfect and such a comfort since my dad passed away.

I wish you and your family every strength at this time. Apologise for the lengthy response. I I miss my Dad so much, but I have no regrets concerning his last weeks with us.

Huge hugs. It's sometimes easier to talk to strangers than family sometimes so contact me via this forum if you want to chat. Xxx

Thank you for your reply Kimchosen and It is comforting to know that this is normal behaviour in my dad. It also good to know that he wont turn me away if I just turn up.

Thank you

Hello C Ryder

Thank you so much for having the strength to share your experiance with me when everything is still so raw with yiur own dad, it means a lot.

I have read your other replies and see that you too were the one pushing for all types of tests and results for your dad, knowing there was something wrong but not realising to what extend.....

My initial thoughts were to go with his plans and wishes but in the back of my mind I go over and over that these 3 weeks that I am being asked to wait see my dad could potentially be 50% of the time he has left......however on reading your heartfelt words I realise I could have much less time. So thank you for your very honest view.

I hope that you are ok after the funeral this week, and keep strong for your little ones, they are lucky to have a mum as caring and willing to help others as you xxx

It's going to be hell on earth for the next six weeks, I wish I could say different. If you need to chat I will be here. I joint this forum when dad was in hospital and it just a comfort to know you not alone. Xxxxx

Hi ... I'm afraid I have to agree with some of the replies given above. My Dad too was diagnosed on 13th June and was told a couple of weeks later that he had weeks instead of months - he passed away just days after that. I hope your Dad holds on longer as this is such a precious time for all of you and hope that he doesn't have to suffer as mine did and so many others I keep reading of unfortunately have to do. Initially my Dad didn't want to see anyone upon hearing the news as well but it's important that you go as soon as. Tell him how much you love him - I was told at the time by my Stepmum to not talk about what was gapoening so although I told him how much I loved him there were loads of things I wanted to say but never did. I'm a bit angry there as I feel a bit shut out by her and didn't argue this at the time as I kept being told this is what my Dad wanted. My Dad only wanted to be better and to go home - so go and see him regardless and make the most of what time you have left. Take Care - Donna x

Dear all, this is my first post here, my dad was also recently diagnosed with advanced cancer with mets. one of us has been with him every day since investigations. It has all happened so suddenly. Today is the first afternoon I am not with my dad as I just feel I need to get away, but being away I feel so guilty I am not there. We are all in utter shock and can't believe that this is happening, my dad was fine a few months ago and we never ever suspected cancer, let alone that it had spread. I love my dad dearly, and I feel so upset for what he is having to go through, always been active and so kind, helpful to others and being our rock. I feel frustrated and helpless. I can't imagine life without my dad. He justs wants to feel better :(

Hi again Evieg1

You've had some good replies to your post, some more frank than mine with reference to time. But what I can tell you is, it wont be "hell on earth". These precious days ahead will be good times, you will really get to know each other, you will realise just how much love there is between you and what is really valuable in life. You will also in a strange sort of way grow up. I can't explain this feeling any other way. wishing all your family peace and strength.

You are right lovemydad, I agree there are some truly beautiful moments and words to be expressed. 

As a strong family you can get through this, the reference to hell on earth is the pain I feel from loosing my dad only four weeks ago so sudden. But we were very lucky to say goodbye and show dad how much we loved him. be honest and strong, no regrets Xxxxx

Thanks Donna for sharing your experiance with me and I am sorry about your dad, I am speaking to mine everyday now and he is coming round to seeing people now so I am making plans to go up there.