Hi Denise, you sound like you've given up, Dr will be doing all they can, remember you've had it before, C doesn't rush it does it slowly you have time to fight it, you need to be determined you are going to win again,think of your husband he wants you to win as well, consontrate on winning,. Oh and welcome to the forum the club nobody wants to join. REMEMBER KEEP FIGHTING, the more that win the better we all feel,.

Billy 

Hi Denise...

Please phone mcmillan ... go on their home page and get the number ..  you must feel so scared ... and think you need to chat to them personally... or there's our nurses you could call to .. 

You did this once ... so don't give up yet ... and tell your G Ps receptionist you need an emergency appointment... let us know how you go .. wer all here for you .. 

Sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie xx

Hello and thank you for your kindness.with my GP I can't get even get an emergency appointment.For them cancer means nothing.I feel week and so sick.

Hello Billygoat,and thanknyou for your support.First time I have believed I have beaten it.Now the cancer is beating me.I haven't slept last night keep thinking how much time left.And why me?All my life has been destroyed.I know how terrible chemo is.I don't want to loose my insanity or be humiliated by chemo.I have lost my hair, I couldn't have a proper bath because of the Picc line,couldn't have sex because I have no mood and was so scared of germs and bacteria.It was an awful time.I can't do this again and plus you will have to be on chemo all year long with no break and I read stories people end up on wheelchair.I don't want that.If I would be brave to end up my life I would do it right now.

You don't want to be like that you want to fight think of your husband,. I've been living with cancer for over 3 years now I'm not giving up i can't beat it but I'm not letting it win easily I'm going to keep fighting, if i didn't fight i have gone over two years ago, ive got a few years to go yet, just fight for your hubby if you want, remember sex isn't every thing, I've got damage down below by cancer but we still love each other we still have a cuddle and a laugh now and again, best wishes for the future. 

Billy 

Thank you again.You are very brave.But I am thinking more about all these little things I know that life is more but for me it's important to feel like a human beeing and not just to be felt sorry and be bed bounded.I loved travelling and flying.now it's over.last time I was refusing to go out at all during the chemo because of the germs and my hair loss.I was feeling ashamed and that everybody was looking at me. I am only 42 and just sit at home and read it's just unfair

Don't worry about your hair wear a head scarf or hat if sun's out wear sun hat, germs arnt that bad i still worked, metal fabrication and welding muck and dust everywhere people coming in coughing and sneezing everywhere i was fine if you worry to much you make things worse, remember it does not last forever, then you'll be OK again.

Billy 

P.s gp should be able give you something for the cough,. Try to think good things now and again, it does help,. 

Hi Denise1977,

You've already got some great words of advice and support from Billy and Chrissie but I just wanted to offer our support too for your situation. You're not alone and aside from the very supportive community of people on this forum, you're always welcome to give our nurses a call to talk through anything. You can reach them on freephone 0808 800 4040 and they're available Monday-Friday, 9-5.

I'm sure you're stronger than you think - wait until you have further information about your situation from the medical team, including next steps for treatment and a path forward. Perhaps this will help to make things easier.

I can only imagine how difficult it is especially given what you said about having had cancer two years ago. Try to keep strong and take any support you can from your husband, people around you, and people on here - and find any positives you can, although I know this isn't easy.

Wishing you all the best and keep us posted with how you get on.

Ben

Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you.my trouble with work is I am a senior care assistant and it's involving hoisting,pushing and lots of physical work.if I will have pick line I won't be able to use my arm.1st time I was off sick during the chemo but this time I have doubts my employer will keep my job for 1 or 2 years.

I don't know what to do.and also I never can get any appt with my GP even I say I have cancer.earliest is 23.6.it's just like a complete black world for me

I don't know if you know but if you have or have had C you are classed as disabled, by law, your boss should find you easier work if you are struggling also you are allowed more time off if necessary with out any trouble there's other things as well,. Not really perks but things to make your life easier, think positive best wishes,. 

Billy