Together we will beat cancer


Is this the end

4 Dec 2017 05:59

My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer in may 2017, she's had 3 lots of treatment but since then been too poorly to have anymore. She's fought a tough battle and never once admitted defeat, she recently had shingles, she was in the worst pain. Since coming home on Thursday she's refused most of her medication, refused food and sleeps most of the time, she's requested she is kept out of it on oramorph and her morphine tablets. I'm absolutely gutted. She's so frail and weak. Not being able to do nothing for herself. She has said she's ready to go now which is breaking my heart. She's not my mum anymore but my God do I want her to be here. Selfish as that sounds. But I also understand she's not happy as she was so independent. Palliative care are round 4x a day. Her breathing is becoming worse now on 9ltrs of oxygen. I don't want her to suffer she says her tummy hurts and her skin is itchy. So as requested we top her up with oramorph and watch her sleep moaning out sometimes ( I hope not in pain) and watch her breathing, sometimes she doesn't take a breath for 20 seconds. My boss has put me on compassionate leave as I'm deverstated. I can't and won't leave her side. She's only 63. Does anyone else know what I can do or know how long she has left, she's not eating but drinking water. Xx 

Re: Is this the end

4 Dec 2017 08:05 in response to Bexstar1986

Hi. I am sorry to hear about your mum and I’m sending you lots of love. 

My mum passed away on Friday 1st December. She was also just sleeping and having oramorph and water. She passed away after Just 3 days of being like that. She was also a very strong and proud independent woman.  Unfortunately my mum had brain cancer so she couldn’t speak at the end. Make the most of any time you have left. The last thing to go is your hearing apparently so talking to your mum and being with her will be a great comfort to her. 

Unfortunately everyone is different and I can’t say how long your mum will stay with you. If you need to talk or just rant then please send me a message. 

I also feel selfish for wanting my mum to still be here but don’t beat yourself up. It’s a natural feeling I’ve been told. 

Lots of love to you . Xx 

Re: Is this the end

6 Dec 2017 14:14 in response to Bexstar1986

Hi Bexstar, I was with my Mum (died in hospital) & my Grandma (died at home) when they passed away. I was terrified both times, however, when it came to Grandma, I pestered health professionals with questions, only to discover that District Nurses can't and won't predict how long it will take for someone to die. Based on my experiences, you've done the right thing by your Mum. She's at home, in familiar surroundings, with you, her beloved daughter, by her side. I've learned it's so hard but an honour and a real act of love to do what you're doing. You & your Mum are in my thoughts and she'd be so proud of you x

Re: Is this the end

6 Dec 2017 15:27 in response to Bexstar1986

Hi Bexstar,

So sorry to read about your situation. 

My Mum died at home (as she planned) the only slight hitch was when the Marie Curie nurses said they couldn't increase the level of pain killers she was on. A phone call to her GP soon resolved that. They weren't being awkward, they just aren't allowed to prescribe. 

It sounds like you are doing everything humanly possible - make sure she has plenty of water and don't hesitate to talk to her GP if you think she needs something stronger than oromorph. 

Don't forget to look after your own needs - especially food and sleep.

Best wishes



Re: Is this the end

7 Dec 2017 14:35 in response to Bexstar1986
Hi, I only just lost my mum a few weeks ago and I am searching high and low to see if I can find/read something that can give me the slightest bit of comfort. I am so sorry to read what you have gone through. I hope things are easier for you now. Time does heal but it never makes you forget. I was in a similar situation with my mum where she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer Stage 4 and we had a matter on weeks left with her. She was in agony and it was so hurtful to see her in pain. I can completely understand what you were going through. There was a point where she turned into a vegetable state and was not talking, eating or drinking and the hospital told us we only had a few days left. Her breathing went heavy one night and she was gone in her sleep the next. What we had to go through as a family and me as her carer is just unbearable and haunts me till this day. I feel selfish thinking why did she leave and why cant she stay because I need my mum. So your emotions are completely understandable. Our mums are the most important thing on this planet and without them we feel incomplete... Something I have been feeling since she has left. I hope you are doing well and sorry for rambling on.. I just know exactly what you are going through and maybe you can share how things are going for you on your end now. X