Hi there lauren ...

I went through a time I couldn't picture my mum's face or remember her voice .. and so many others say they go through that too ... I think it's when we try too hard ... and the brain wants a brake from the pain it brings ... someone said once .. remember just the eyes .. then nose... then hair and lastly mouth ... and one day they come together again ..

So my hunny, know what your feeling is all normal and part of grieving and letting go ... but remember they live in your heart always .. a safe place no one can take them from ... and you are part of her ... you carry her everywhere you go and in everything you do .. bet she's so so proud of you ...

Chrissie 

Hi Chrissie, 

Thank you, that is really lovely advice and something to remember. I look at videos of her and pictures and I barely recognise her anymore, it really breaks my heart. I seem to remember little things like her hand writing and how she would brush her hair but I can't picture her clearly when I think about her. I just keep going back to the moment she passed away and how lifeless she was, but I want to remember her before she was poorly! 

Sorry to hear about your mum also x

You know I remember when mum died, all I could see was her face after she passed .. that wasn't my mum .. and then someone said .. their life is all the years befor cancer /heart attack took them .. the end was just a full stop .. and that everything you feel sad and overwhelmed think of the funniest loving memory you have of them .. remember word for word .. how it made you feel .. slowly reliving it and feeling that warm feeling it gave you ... till it pushes the sad feelings away .. and that really helped me cope over the years .. mine was her calling me all hours of the day and she'd sing " I just called to say I love you" and she'd giggle as she put the phone down ..

Our mum's are so much more then that ling part of life at the end .. and cancer wants you to keep reliving the hard stuff so it can claim you as a victim too .. well you push that cancer back out of your memories .. and bring back the lifetime of good memories they gave us ..

Chrissie

I just hope I can get that image out of my head and start and focus on the image of her being well. 

I just want this first year anniversary to be over. I feel like it's a huge emotional build up and it's going to just be another day of missing her. Remembering the day my heart broke for the rest of my life! I hate what cancer done to my family and I will fight back at it in anyway I can!! 

Thank you x