Hello Doris72 and welcome.  Don't worry about the way you are grieving; if it gets you through the day then go with it.  Talk about your partner here as much as you like; I can understand it helps to get it out and  you can tell us how it all happened and what caused his passing.    I am sure your friends - your good friends - would not mind you talking about your partner but it may be that at the moment they are worried about upsetting you if you are finding it difficult to accept he has gone.  If you are going round in circles because of this you might like to try contacting Cruse Bereavement Care on their Freefone number 0808 808 1677; they are a charity and some areas may have a waiting list but give them a try if you would like to do this.  Please don't isolate yourself;  Grieving can take time; there is no set way of doing this and I hope you will find it possible to share what is going round in your head.  Annie

Hi Doris

I'm so sorry for your loss and your worries about how you're grieving.

There are as many ways to grieve as there are people who are grieving and at this very early stage I don't think you should be concerned. Just go with the flow and do what feels right for you.  Also, I'd say the way you're grieving seems perfectly normal.  My husband died over 3 years ago after a short illness. For the very longest time I listened for his car pulling up in the drive and expected him to walk through the door.   He passed here at home in our bed and I was with him so I knew he was gone but somehow my brain just fogged that fact up and refused to let the full force of realisation hit me.  I believe this is natures way of allowing the full shock of whats happened to filter through very slowly so we can cope with it little by little.  I've continued to chat to Neil as though he's here (I'm a spiritualist so my belief system means I do believe he hears me) Slowly your mind will allow you to fully process what's happened and you will move through your grief. 

I was very fortunate that I was offered group councilling by our local hospice and I'm pleased I took them up on their offer. It allowed me to talk my thoughts and feelings through with people who were going through the same process, and it was helpful to see that we all just coped the best way we could.  There's no right or wrong of it.   Just your way.

If you feel that you're struggling you should find your GP helpful. They will know what services are available in your area and will offer a listening ear.  

Wishing you well, Netty x 

I'm the same as you.   I talk to Jim as if he were still in the house, but in another room.   He was an avid baker and all the ingredients are still in the cupboards because he's just 'nipped out' but will be back. I still can't come to terms with the finality of his passing as everything has remained the same because he is coming back, isn't he?   Except the reality is that he won't be and that is when the tears start flowing and the intense pain kicks in.  2019 is the first year without him and I have no idea what the future will hold but whatever it will be there will be no Jim to be by my side.  

I hope we all manage to find some peace, some acceptance and some relief from the intense emotions we are experiencing but of course we will never forget the love of our lives.  We will have to learn to live our lives a different way otherwise the pain will be too much but whatever we do we will never forget.

xxx

Hi doris they say we all grieve diffrently so i know theres nothing i can do to try and take your pain away .but we get emotionaly exhausted and go a bit strange the world seems to carry on and we are sat quiatly sreaming and know one hears . The thing is your doing ok dont worry about how your doing whatever your doing your slowly getting your emotional strength back times a grate healer they say and its true it helps us cope but you have to work at getting strong again  feeling better takes time .the strongest of us need help .might i suggest you contact your local hospice and see if they can arrange some counciling you can talk and talk rant cry i did all these things and slowly over the month i started to listen it brought me back from the pit plus a good friend on here and all the lovely people who supported me on here some going throue grief have lost loved ones and some my chum included who have cancer themselves . If you can find a bereavement group localy that may help just knowing your not alone realy helps as that is the most painful .when ime talking to people i say liz and i did that or we went there you can see some people become uncomfortabl uncomfortabl some are not but i say liz and i were an item why shouldnt i talk like that if you dont like hard cheese does me good its like shes still with me i have excepted shes not physicaly with me no i still talk to her sometimes but all these things have helped so see if you can just hang on for a while its so early for you and your  partner will in your thoughts 24/7 he will allways be with you just in a diffrent way a much nicer way but not all the time as we couldnt cope with that bless you paul

I know what you mean.  I say goodnight to my husband every night, as if he is still here.   I pretend that the empty space next to me is just my imagination because the reality of his passing in November hurts so much.  Like yourself, I cry at some point every day but try my best to wait until the front door is shut and I am alone.   It really hits home coming into an empty house and the sound of silence but sometimes, if only for a brief moment, I call out 'I'm home' as I would normally do, but of course there is never a reply.   That hurts.

Folk say it will take time, but how can we ever get over losing our other half and carry on living a normal life?   I even feel guilty that I am the one that's still alive as it haunts me how scared he was of dying and picturing his face with sad resignation when he told me his body has no more fight left.  His pain may be over but mine is continuing and that moment will forever haunt me.

Thinking of you and hope we all get over our grief some day.