Hi there ... sorry your mum has got on this cancer rollercoaster with us ... but remember there's a lot of us on it , so she's not alone... and you will always find support here too ...

How to help her ... everyone is different, so l can only tell you what helped me ... 

Firstly, there's shock... everyone feels that first panic on hearing the word cancer ... when I had a few days to let my emotion out ... where I wanted to be alone to unscramble all those thoughts that were screaming in my head ... then l felt stronger ... able to cope ... and take on this thing that invaded my body without an invite ... once I was stronger, with my logical daughter in law ...

She told us to stop thinking what may be .. live in the day ... take things as and when they pop up ... no more "what ifs"  and we really did do better once we calmed down ... many had trod this path before me, and many would follow ... so now I take everyday, and if l have a good day, great. .. if I want a cry, I'll have one... if l feel angry , I'll be angry .. but l always come back ready to take on that cancer.. l won't let it change my life ... l find something to smile about every day ...it's always about balance .. 

So my advice to you, would be, get your head around it all ... admit it's scary .. share hugs, tears, and say all that you want to say in a gentle way ... and let your mum lead the way ... you can hold her hand , and support her on good and tough days ... go with the flow ... it's o.k to feel anyway your mind tells you .. as long as it's everything in moderation ... 

Then all get your boxing gloves on and share her journey together... Chrissie 

Hi Donna,

A very warm welcome to Cancer Chat, although I’m sure that you would rather be anywhere else but here.

I am so sorry to hear about your mum’s recent diagnosis. My mum had breast cancer for 12 years, which metastasised into liver, lungs, brain and bone in her final year. I have been challenged with breast cancer myself for the past 8 years. In that time I have had 2 bouts of it.

It is a worrying time for all of the family, but instead of worrying about how you’ll all cope, try to build memories with your mum, while she is well enough to do so. She may not be feeling like eating as she may be feeling nauseous and tired. You are doing the right thing in trying to persuade her to eat more nutritious meals.  Don’t put her off by putting too much food on her plate. She is better with smaller portions of tempting food, given maybe every 4 hours or so. Make sure that she drinks as much as possible, as you don’t want her becoming dehydrated.

Are there any people that she might like to see or places that she might like to go? If so, perhaps you could arrange this? Many people say that they feel useless and frustrated because there is little that they can do at this stage. This is not the case. The very fact that you are there by her side, sharing her journey, will be a big relief to her. Talk to her, tell her how much you love her, ensure that her medication is doing the job that it’s meant to do. If her pain is not being fully controlled, alert her Dr or nurse to the fact that she needs something stronger.

Always accompany her to any hospital visits. Allow her to rest as much as she needs to. Try to approach all this as positively as you can. I know that this will be difficult to do, but it will make all the difference to your mum and all of the family if you can. Try to speak openly and honestly between all of you. It is difficult to be the stronger person, but that is what you have to do. Many feel that they won’t be able to do this, but somehow or other we always find the strength to cope.

Please keep us informed about how you are getting on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx