I'm really sorry to hear your cancer has returned Amanda but I'm so glad to hear how successful the chemo has been in helping to shrink it.

Many members here in similar situations will understand how you're feeling and I'm sure they will reply soon to offer their support and share their experiences with you.

Chat to us as much as you want to Amanda and remember that someone will always be here to listen and help you in times of need.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Amanda

My husband has also got incurable cancer. He has secondaries from kidney cancer in his stomach and abdomen. At the moment off treatment but he did have six months on immunotherapy drug pazopanib and it seemed to halt the growth.

Like you he feels he wants rid but knows it is not possible. It is there all the time however he is managing to live a fairly normal life but we dare not go on holiday as he often gets urosepsis as he is permanently catheterised due to MS. Just had 5 days in hospital 2 weeks ago. It is the waiting and wondering that plays havoc with his imagination and every little twinge he wonders if it is the beginning of the end.

He is going to the GP next week as he asked him to come in to see if there is anything he can help with so we will see. I hope your treatment keeps you pain free and there are a lot of people on this site in the same boat so keep in touch.

Best wishes Chrissie

Hi Chrissie Sorry to hear your Husband isn't good at the moment Cancer as a lot to answer for. Like you say its the knowing what ever treatment you have its there lingering, you have the treatments but it will never go so your battling constantly. You've to tell yourself there may be something round the corner. I'm doing okay at the moment a year down the line and its shrunk too unmeasurable, so best case senario. Side effects get me down at times the tiredness is uncontrollable, like somebody as pulled the plug and your left totally drained. I'm taking one day at a time the only way I can cope, I've been away on holiday in June but managed to fall and fractured my arm apparently chemo weakens your bones. Was my main arm so its caused me 7 weeks of hell, having too be helped all the time unable to cook etc. I'm back cooking now which occupies me its still giving me a little gip, could only happen to me my friend said. I hope things improve for your Husband Chrissie and he bounces back, you will be going through everything with him. Which will be so hard to cope with. Cancer as so many victims those around you are never the same again, worrying for you caring for you etc. You are an hero Chrissie chin up hang in there, I'm thinking of you and your Husband. Thank you for your reply to my message. Love Mandy. xx

Hi Amanda

My situation is similar though not the same.....if that makes sense. Two months ago I went from being a healthy 55 year, with a lovely husband and three kids,  to having incurable lung cancer. This all happened in 3 weeks. I had no symptoms except for a slight cough that went after a day on steroids.

I have now started chemo which in my oncologist words.....is to keep a lid on it for as long as possible....how long is a piece of string. I have gone through so many emotions but going to have first chemo session was really hard. Here I was feeling perfectly healthy to having my body pumped with drugs and making  me ill. It didn't make sense especially as everyone kept telling me how well I looked...in face the best in years. !

Like you I keep thinking I am going through all of this but there is no cure. Endless rounds of hospital appointments for what?? I know everyone says this is to give you longer but this is what the rest of my life is going to be like...this is the end game and I don't want to play. Sorry for the moaning and self pity but I must admit when I read your post, so much of what you said I understood exactly how you are feeling. Like you I apologise for the long post. Kate xx

Hi Kate please to meet you. We are definitely in a very similar situation being around the same age too I'm 57.  I'm further down the line than you Kate with my treatment, but I can advice or help you if I can..... Like you my head was all other the place I really didn't think I'd be here to tell the tale, but here I am living my life different I know but living. Having treatment & test becomes the norm spending a portion of your life at the hospital, its a routine.... When I started treatment The agressive chemo wasn't very nice at all the side effects for me didn't seem as bad as others were getting, I was poorly but it could have been much worse.... I'd actually started taking herbal suppliments as soon as I'd found out, my Daughter-in-law worked in this area and reserched what would be best for me. I take Vinali capsules which are proven to shrink cancer cells, I also take Optimal capsules that are full of antioxidants and vitimins etc. I also take 3 shots of Moa every day which is a cocktail of 33 antoxidants, which are known to fight cancer cells.... I do believe they are helping me in more ways than one...... I'm a year down the line making it past my Granddaughters 1st Birthday.   I've had 20 sessions of chemo and touch wood my bloods & water works are always good to go, my organs are standing up too the treatment...... Like you I get told constantly that I look so well, its doesn't seem fair at all why us..... When I found out it was back I was gob smacked I'd been feeling the wellest I'd felt since before I had my Lung removed, we were expecting the Dr to say see you in 12mnths.... How wrong we were, we were on our way to see our new Granddaughter Adrianah who was just 10 days old, I remember saying to the Dr so I'm going to die and I've just been blessed with another beautiful Granddaughter. After that I went into shock don't remember much my husband was asking why hadn't I been given chemo after operation, all what ifs. I do remember him saying its treatable not curable, them words went round & round in my head has I went through Mri's & Scans hell on earth comes to mind...... Took me some time Kate but I seem to have got an innerpeace where from I'm not sure, I do actually believe my Mum is my Guardian Angel watching over me. I take each day as if its my 1st & last pushing myself to the limit I tell myself I'm alive and I'm going to make the best of it, I've been abroad this year & weekends away and just had a week in Strattford upon avon getting a bit of culture. I do have meltdowns from time to time that hit me like a ton of bricks knocking me to rock bottom, I realize I no longer have a future cannot really plan anything. My husband will say I may get hit by a bus tomorrow none of us knows whats round the corner. I snapped back but I know I'm incurable so I'm living on borrowed time, it will get me in the end you'll know you cannot expalin what that feels like...... Then when I've pulled myself back up and I'm feeling stronger I tell myself a cure could be just round the corner, that I've too much to live for be positive not negitive..... Kate be strong I'm here if you want to talk night or day about anything if you want to scream & shout thats fine, thinking of you love Amanda. xx 

Hi Mandy

Thanks for the words of comfort. Sat here watching Brian fighting off sickness and shivers. He is starting again with urosepsis and I keep wondering what to do for the best. He is seeing the doctor tomorrow but if I wait he will be worse. I just wish someone would tell me what is the best thing to do. He has a low temperature but that is the infection and he is cold and clammy. I think this is the cancer flaring up and I can see another few days in hospital transpiring. It is my mum's 90th birthday this weekend and I have about 25 over for a buffet on Sunday, should be fun juggling both! It never rains but it pours. He was fine this lunch time and it just seems to creep up on us suddenly.

Sorry to go on and I hope you are ok. Will let you know what happens.

Chrissie xx

Hi Chrissy your not going on its hard for you and your concerned for Brian's welfare. Do you not have a telephone number that you can ring for advice, when your not sure what to do. I'm under bexley wing in Leeds I have numbers I can ring for advice, like if temperature up or I'm really unwell or I just need advice. Sometimes they say come in there is an assessment ward just for Cancer patients. Chrissy if he gets worse ring the hospital. its awful for you your seeing him suffer and you feel pretty much helpless not knowing what to do at times, if he's okay till tomorrow then hopefully doctor will sort things for you. Maybe a few days in hospital to get him back on track is what he needs..... Sorry to here this is all happening while your planning a big get together for your Mums 90th, maybe its a good thing Chrissy it will keep you occupied, keeping your mind off things for a while. You'll run on hydrenerlin and rest later I hope everything goes to plan for your Mums Birthday do, also hope and pray Brian feels better soon..... I've been off it since Friday stomach bug I think had a bad Migraine & Stomach cramps, feeling a little better today. Its our bloody immune systems they get at a low ebb. Chrissy keep that chin up you are doing great, your Brian is lucky to have you in his corner. Here for you whenever night or day love Mandy. xx

Hi Mandy

Been sick so feeling a little better but he won't go to A and E or let me ring 111 as it is raining too hard and he says he's not going out in that to spend hours in A and E and end up on corridor waiting for a bed!

I do have an oncology help line but they don't want to know as he is not on treatment. He had an infection  end of July and had 5 days in hospital. I know the GP will send him up tomorrow so let's hope it is not raining! At least with a GP letter we will beat the queues. You seem to have a better system in Leeds. There doesn't even seem to be a designated cancer ward at Blackpool. Last time he ended up on acute medical even though I asked if he could go to urology so the consultant who knows him best could deal with him. His main oncologist has left and gone back to India and his new one is lovely but inexperienced. They all do their best and are great but Brian is also wheelchair bound due to MS and so once in hospital can do nothing for himself.

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better tonight. We thought MS was tough but we have got used to it over the years, nearly 40 years, but cancer is a whole new ball game as it is so unpredictable and the treatment is as bad. Take care

Love Chrissie x

Oh dear Chrissy you are having it rough. You cannot make him go if he's insistant that he's not going in the rain, I know how he feels about going into hospital though. I'm the same saying I'm okay when I'm not had a few telling offs from my consultant, for not ringing my nurse or getting checked out at assessment clinic when I've had a virus and temperature's been high. Sounds like you've not got alot of support at your hospital, it shouldn't matter whether he's getting treatment or not. Do you not have a desinated nurse or a macmillan nurse appointed too him, next time your at the hospital ask them for some support. It would be better for you if there was somebody you could speak too when you don't know what to do, they are experienced in this field its there Job. Sorry to hear Brians got Ms as well must be awful for him, suffering from one major I'llness is enough. I've suffer from Fibromyalgia for 12yrs and I thought that was enough to contend with, but like you say Cancer is a whole new ball came. I'm in a good place at the moment I've got the best case senario, so I'm in positive mode most the time until I have a total melt down. My nurse says its only natural to have melt downs, I consider myself very lucky I've got a good team looking after me.... Plus my Husband Patrick who is there just like you are for Brian 110% even though he cops for some stick from me, I do take my fustrations out on him at times.  Chrissy I hope everything goes okay at the doctors and they get Brian into hospital if need be, it will be best place for him while he gets over the infection. Hope its not raining its lovely here I'm at my Caravan on East Coast near Hornsea. Take care here for you love Mandy. xxx

Hi Mandy

Glad you have managed to get away for a break. What a morning! Ended up calling 999 about 6am and eventually two paramedics arrived about 8 after I'd spoken to a nurse practioner. They were brilliant. Of course all his readings were fine and he looked a lot better. They called a doctor and we decided not to go to hospital but to go to GP appointment instead.

Took letter from urologist who said at sign of infection to give him antibiotics and he also said he'd do a care plan which I picked up this afternoon. Two doses down and he's sat watching football! Not eaten all day and only drunk a little but hopefully the sickness has stopped. GP said it is probably the cancer that is causing the infection and that he had to go and see him on a regular basis. Also told us the new GP in the practice is the wife of his urologist so we will try and see her as well.

Lovely weather this afternoon so did some gardening while keeping an eye on him. Let's hope the antibiotics work. I think you are getting drier weather in the east so should have a good week.

Keep well. Love Chrissie