Hi cherryp,

I'm sorry to hear of what your husband is going through and I'm sure this must be incredibly difficult for you both. I know that everyone deals with situations like these differently, but it always has a big impact on those closest to the individual.

Hopefully once he has the SCT this will be a good milestone to get to, especially as it has been delayed for so long, and I hope this will in some ways help to ease things.

I'm sure you are being a great support already but it's also important to look after your own wellbeing too. I hope that this forum can act as some small support for you and that you find it helpful to speak to others who may be in a similar situation.

If you ever feel you'd like any professional support or additional resources, then Macmillan can also be helpful for those in situations such as yours.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi [@Cherryp]‍ 

Sorry to hear that your husband has been diagnosed with Cancer, we all deal with our cancer diagnosis differently, he may feel he is sheltering you from how he is feeling and not be able to talk about how scared he is. This isn't because he wants to shut you out. We often forget about our close friends and family when diagnosed as we are just trying to process it in our own minds first.

I know when my Nan was diagnosed with Cancer I found that harder to deal with as a family member, yet when I was diagnosed with Cancer it was actually easier for me to deal with. 

Unfortunately there is no quick fix or best way to deal with these things, I had no motivation or want to do anything at first, Im still finding my feet and I don't want to burden my daughter who is 23 with how I am feeling and what I am going through.

You just need to remember you love him and he loves you and this is something you can go through together regardless of how hard it seems right now. You are both allowed to be scared, to be upset and angry. Cancer is scary for the patient and their spouses and it is just as important for you to understand that you are going through this too, you may not have cancer yourself but your are still dealing with it and you do need support too and that is natural. 

I really hope you are both able to find some calmness in this hell and find some common ground to deal with it together. Please feel free to message me if you need to talk.

Take care

Kay

Hi kay-D , just about said it all .   Me and my wife are slightly different to your problems.    But found over the years our best way to live together with it.     My wife has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's so sometimes she is as normal as can be others she's cursing and trying to hit me, she's not very mobile, but improving slowly, she's incontinent,(she's white matter brain desease) where the brain slowly dies and she's had numerous Tia's (small strokes) but she's trying to walk and very stubborn.    im the one with cancer, been on palative care since Feb 2016 I'm on permanent treatment.   she does worry about me which doesn't help her,.   But we sort our problems out with talking about it to each other and we decide what to do.

We've got handrails All around the house with a through the floor lift, bathroom was converted to a wet Room, bedroom has a hospital bed recliner and commodes where neaded the house sometimes isn't tidy but we manage ok and something's have to wait till we get round to them.

Look after yourself as well as your husband