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I’m terrified that my boyfriend is dying

Katielw95
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Hello, 

I have never done anything like this before but I am really struggling, I was hoping I could hear stories or have some support from people who understand. 

My friends are trying their best but sometimes say the wrong things. 

My boyfriend of 3 years (not a huge amount of time I know) has just been diagnosed with a really rare form of lung cancer, that was only discovered in 2007. It isn’t curable, although I’m looking at the positive with new treatments available that’ll give him a better quality of life, the research I’ve done has suggested to me that we may only have 2-3years. 

 

I am crushed! I’m not sure what to do with myself. I work 6 days a week, my employers are so understanding and let me do what I need to do, however I just want to spend every minuet with him! As I’m sure you can understand? 

I’m only 22 and I really don’t know how I will ever recover when the worst happens. I’ve never been so in love, I know he is my soul mate (soppy I know). He truly  is my best friend. 

I lead a simple life, I work and I see my boyfriend. That’s it and I’m (was) perfectly happy with my little life, it was peaceful and I felt as though we had the entire world at our finger tips. We had so many plans for our future together. 

I really don’t know what to do. The longer this goes on the more I’m realising this is real and I’m not going to wake up. 

I think I need a rant! I will never say any of this to him as I’m trying to stay positive and strong for him. 

Thank you for listening and I’d appreciate any reply. 

Sending my best to all of you and I hope we can all help each other! 

  • Welcome to Cancer Chat, Katielw95.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your boyfriend, this must be such a difficult time for you but I'm glad that you came to us as chatting with others that can understand what you are going through at the moment can help. 

    Hopefully some of our friendly members will be along shortly to share offer support and advice but in the meantime feel free to post as much as you need. We are here for you if you need us.

    Best wishes to you and your boyfriend,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

  • Offline
    Hi Katie, I'm lying awake, unable to sleep and reading the posts here hoping to find some advice or comfort. I came across your post and it reassured me that someone else knows what it's like so I wanted to reach out and say thanks for posting. This is my first post. My boyfriend was diagnosed with cancer in May and unfortunately they were unable to remove his tumour completely so he is being monitored with scans for now. The outlook isn't great either, statistics suggest a few years. I understand when you say people try but often say the wrong things. I feel nobody understands where I am so can't support me. Most people tend to be overly positive because they can't handle the conversation which makes me stop talking so that they are more comfortable. It's so hard to continue with normal life when there's this huge worry on your mind 24/7. Like you, my employers are good but I'm constantly struggling with work. I keep waiting to feel better but it's not happening. I find I'm constantly exhausted and I honestly don't know if that will go away. As for the future, I don't think we'll ever be prepared for what might happen. I don't know about you but I get really angry thinking of all the things we can't or won't do because of cancer. It's exactly what you describe, a nightmare, some days I still can't believe this is really happening. I've started going to a counsellor and that helps. Like you, I don't feel it's fair to say this to him as he has his own worries. But I do think it's really important to look after yourself, otherwise we'll be no good to them! I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this, I wouldn't wish this worry and distress on anyone. I hope you get to enjoy the next few days. Take care
  • Offline in reply to Ann2017

    My husband is dying and I am just as terrified and lonely as you. I love him so much and watching him die is the most horrendous thing I've ever had to go through in my life. All I can say is I'm trying to deal with one small thing at a time and try and forgive myself for the things I forget to do because my head feels lime it's on backwards. Heart goes out to you.

  • Offline in reply to Gillyoso

    Hi Gillyoso,

    Thank you for your reply, words from people who understand are priceless. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. You're so right about being kind to yourself, its vital,  you're only human. And I know what you mean about being forgetful, think I aged at speed this year!!

    Anyway enjoy your Christmas together and look after yourself.

    A

  • Offline in reply to Ann2017

    Hello Anne, 

     

    im so sorry to hear all of this, but I’m so grateful for your reply! I feel the exact same with everything you just said. 

    The situation is so horrible but so nice to know I’m not alone in the things I’m thinking! 

    People are so overly positive which is nice and I understand it from their point of view because a year ago I would have been the exact same. But it is also very frustrating. 

    I really hope you keep in touch. And sending all my love and best wishes. Have a wonderful Christmas and make the best memories 

     

    take care 

  • Offline in reply to Gillyoso

    I’m so sorry, I hate this illness! 

    I’m finding myself very forgetful too. I really hope you have a lovely Christmas and make the best you possibly can for you both. 

    Thanj you for the advice of one small thing at a time, think I may be exhausting myself so that is very useful. Thank you so much x

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