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I’m suffering, I miss my dad so much

21 Nov 2019 21:47

Hi Guys 

      So it's been 8 months since my dad died. I've carried on almost as though it has happened to someone else. But at night when I'm in bed, I feel so so alone and I hurt so much. I miss him dreadfully. Christmas isn't helping. I just can't bear it. I feel on the edge of crying in work. Can't say I've cried yet actually. I held the family together when dad was sick, dying and the day he died and since. But inside my pain is so bad just wanted to be able to tell someone xx

I’m suffering, I miss my dad so much

21 Nov 2019 22:10 in response to JulieRosie

Hi there, I'm so sorry for your loss!! I've just lost my mum on Saturday to cancer suddenly and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do I don't even feel I have the strength making it to 8 months so well done on you for that. I feel scared of that too at night is when I overthink things I'm still in shock right now and got so much to sort out so don't think I've had proper time to face it yet. I feel though just keeping busy is good. I was giving up on Christmas but I have a 3 year old so I have to do it for him and keep a brave face on to make it the best for him. I know they will always be watching us and just think of all good memories to make you laugh and smile. I'm sorry I'm probably not much help and only just joined this forum but I thought I'd message and try give you some kind of support. Don't hold on your pain just let it all out if you need to cry do it no matter where you are xXx

I’m suffering, I miss my dad so much

21 Nov 2019 22:29 in response to -Aimee-

Awww hi Aimee 

Bless you and hugs in your time of need. I remember those early days like yesterday. I came to this forum when I was suspicious my dad had cancer, then it just went so fast, just a couple of weeks before he died. I feel for you. I cane back once or twice to thank people who were here for me. They truly know our pain. I haven't been back for a few months, but the last few days I've felt unbearable with pain. Can't show it to my children as it upsets them. So came back tonight. It really is a place you can speak how you feel and know that people understand without you having to sugar coat it. I'm so sorry to hear you have just gone through this awful thing too. Yes remember the good times xx I know my dad won't want me to hurt, but, I hurt night times are worst. I know what it's like to have to stay strong for family. Take each day as it comes. We are all here together holding virtual hands to help us through with love xxxxx Thankyou for being here tonight

I’m suffering, I miss my dad so much

21 Nov 2019 23:37 in response to JulieRosie

I know how you feel, I lost my mum who was also one of my best friends. 

 

I’m suffering, I miss my dad so much

22 Nov 2019 20:05 in response to Kindke

Awww Have you Kindke xxx 

I feel for you

i imagine you have ok days 

good days 

and then the just plain awful long suffering days. 
To help me I close my eyes and pretend I'm in my dads living room chatting with him like we used too, it makes me feel better. Maybe you could try that xxxx 

They wouldn't want us to suffer and hurt ( even though we still do ) xxx hugs 

I’m suffering, I miss my dad so much

23 Nov 2019 03:33 in response to JulieRosie

Hi Julie. You are not alone. I lost my dad almost two and a half years ago. I was his primary caretaker even prior to his lung cancer diagnosis as he already suffered from dementia so he lived with me. After his cancer diagnosis, I quit my favorite job and moved out of my home of 30 years to travel about 1 thousand miles away so that dad could be close to his grandkids for whatever time was left. I spent 35 days in the hospital with him and made ALL of the decisions. Everyday was dreadful but looking back, it happened so fast. From diagnosis to death was only 17 weeks. I remember initially feeling a sense of relief when he passed, and I didn't cry right away. Friends, family and neighbors came over the next day to offer condolences but I still didn't cry. I was too busy being strong for everyone else. I think that I finally cried after about a month or so (alone). The first year was the darkest for me. I made up for all of the time that I did not cry. I cried so much that I couldn't believe I had any tears left. I had hurt so much that I felt chest pain as if my heart was literally breaking. I've had friends, relatives and even my brother pass away but this pain was unlike any other I had ever felt in my life. It just wouldn't subside no matter what. I honestly wanted to die. While I am coping better now, the sun will never shine the same again. My life will never be the same. Sometimes I feel like I'm not living but just existing. However, I find comfort in knowing that my dad is in heaven with God, and he's whole again and cancer-free like your dad. You have to keep living and making dad proud until we meet again. No matter how old we get, we'll always be daddy's little girl.

I’m suffering, I miss my dad so much

23 Nov 2019 08:55 in response to rebvelaz83

Hi Rebvelaz83

Thankyou for taking the time to write.You have pretty much described what I went through, apart from moving, I moved my dad in and we had just under 3 weeks. Everything you wrote is what I feel. I'm at the chest pain with sadness stage, feel like anything will tip me over the edge when I least expect it.  Yes you are right, when it's a sunny day, I think of my dad, when I'm in a beautiful place, I think if my dad, whatever it is ! I think of my dad and yes, the days will never be the same again, I feel a massive sense of loss. I do know he won't want me to hurt though so I guess that's why I'm trying so hard. Still don't want to upset him ❤️ 
      What you wrote was as if I wrote it myself. It helps to know that others are feeling it too as you fear you are about to lose control. 
        Thankyou so much  

I’m suffering, I miss my dad so much

25 Nov 2019 04:43 in response to JulieRosie

Hello again, Ms. Julie. Thank you for your response. I want you to know that your pain will subside a bit, and before you know it, you'll be thinking back on the happier days with dad rather than on the loss and illness. As you mentioned, you will feel him in all things beautiful such as the wind that blows between the trees, the ocean's waves crashing, the sunset, the birds chirping, etc. I know it's very difficult right now especially with the holidays around the corner, and every "first" will be incredibly hard such as first holiday or birthday without him but you need to know that your dad is still and will always be with you (in a different form). He still sees and hears you (even your thoughts). He will never leave you. Very often, you will remember something new about your dad, and you will also subconsciously do things just like him and realize "dad used to chew, sleep, laugh, talk, etc. this way" and you will find your dad in yourself, in your kids and all around you.  Look for him in subtle ways for instance, numbers on a random license plate might be his birthday month or year,  or his favorite song might play on the radio, etc. Know that in those exact moments, your dad is acknowledging that you are thinking about him and he's right there with you. I still sometimes talk to my dad out loud when I'm alone (as well as to God). If you want, you may choose to get a journal and write down all if your great memories of your dad as well as your good dreams of him because as we know that with time and age, memories fade and while you will never forget your dad, it's nice to take a trip down memory lane and read up on those great memories. I've only had a couple of bad dreams of my dad, and if it happens to you, don't even think twice about them after you wake up. Ask the Lord to remove that evil, and don't dwell on those nightmares as you will forget them right away. I'm sorry to kinda ramble on but I know that you will survive this. Right now, everything is being tested; your faith, strength, sanity, etc. but you will come out if this a stronger person. You will love more openly and you'll see life from a different perspective. You will live by the values that he instilled in you (and pass them down to your children). Let them know that your dad is dancing in the Lord's glory and cancer-free! By the way he is a very handsome man (in your profile pic)! Make dad proud!

I’m suffering, I miss my dad so much

25 Nov 2019 08:33 in response to rebvelaz83

Oh my word 

such a beautiful post, inspiring and reduced me to tears also, Thankyou so much, I love the journal idea, but not going to do that unless I have boxes of tissues and chocolates and I'm alone Thankyou for your beautiful words, you have helped me so much xxxxxx

            Julie xx