I am so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine how traumatised you must be feeling. Perhaps if you get in touch with Macmillan nurses they can offer some kind of support or counselling to help or to explain things more clearer as to what has happened? I'm sorry I'm not much help but after reading your post I couldn't just scroll past. My Dad is currently on the last part of his journey with lung and liver cancer which has spread pretty much everywhere. He is now in hospital on oxygen and time is not on our side. I'm devasted. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time x

This happened to me two nights ago with my sister of 56 who had lung cancer which was incurable.  I found it horrific.  She suddenly woke and started trying to sit up and get off the bed.  She was gasping and coughing  I had to hold her down and call the nurse.  They gave her something through the syringe driver which relaxed and allowed her not to resist, but her eyes were so scared and staring and looking around as she died.  She knew what was happening and I could do nothing but kiss her and hold her hands. She was drowning in her own lungs!  I felt by holding her whilst they put drugs in her I was helping to kill her.  

I have serious post traumatic stress with flashbacks constantly.  I’m struggling.  Why did the hospice not warn me what was ahead?