I really am struggling don't want to loose my mum

I can't sleep im absolutely sobbing I'm not sure how to cope anymore my beautiful mum is only 52 I don't know what to feel or what to say but the thought of loosing her is too much to bare I'm only 31 with two of her lovely grandchildren who would be lost without her too the last ten weeks been blur with lovely days out and memories too she was nearly ten years past breast cancer first time now this time spread to lungs,liver and bones I can only hope I have years yet with her I do all I can when I can I think I was in denial but been crying a lot the last couple days my heart hurts and I really feel so alone I don't want to talk to my mum and end up hurting her I don't have any friends and my dad not very talkative and my sister has severe anxiety as it is I'm like blubbering mess please tell me it gets better whats the best thing I can do for mum to help her she puts on such brave face love her 

  • Hi there x 

    So sorry to read your message x 

    I know how hard this is for you because I’ve also been the same although sadly my Mum passed very quickly after her diagnosis x 

    It is a very difficult time...does it get better? For me - yes x  Obviously the stage you’re at now was very difficult...and thereafter was hard...of course x But I found that I was able to cope and I am sure you will too x Any support you can lay your hands on would really help...such as coming on here and sharing your thoughts and feelings x 

    X you say you don’t want to talk to your Mum in case you hurt her x may I ask...what do you fear saying that may hurt her? If anxiety is making you think you May say the wrong thing...I’d be tempted to ignore it. Every day is precious...x x 

  • Hello Xmummy2X.  I lost my mum to cancer many years ago now.   Sadly she died before my son was born and he never knew her. I think it a mistake not to talk to each other; you are all suffering and it would be better if you all shared your sorrows and worries together.    Don't waste whatever time your mum has; does anyone know how long she is expected to have - it is a mistake not to want to know.  You might also like to consider putting together a memory book containing for instance photographs, letters your mum would like her grandchildren to see.  I hope that your mum has longer than you fear but it would probably be comforting for your mum to know that her memory would live on in the way described and that her grandchildren could read what she wants to say them.  On the year I have been posting here I have very much realised that the best way of handling these situations is not to clam up but for the family to share everything that is happening.  I am sorry you are going through this but I would advise that you do not waste the time you have with your mum.  If you are struggling yourself you may consider visiting your GP to give you something to help you to help your mum.  And you are always welcome to come here and talk to us.  Annie

  • So sorry to hear of your loss x 

     

    Thank you for your kind words x

     

    I'm not sure I will be OK or cope my mum is my one and only friend my best friend me and my kids do everything with my mum x 

     

    Thank you for replying x

  • I'm so sorry for your loss x

    I am deciding on going to GP as really struggling my mum is my one and only best friend as well as my mum I am struggling to breathe most days due to anxiety 

    Thank you for letting me know you are here for me and to talk 

    I am going to just write a long letter for my mum and family and make memories with myself and children and try and get us some help as much needed I wish this on absolute no one my heart goes out to all and yiy my dear x x x 

  • I really feel your pain , my mum to has lung cancer that has spread, i am so close to her she is everything to me, somedays i find easier than others , i find that when i go to bed at night all i do is lie there and think of her, somedays i feel like im drowning in emotions and that i will never stop crying . I agree with you , its the hardest thing i have ever ever had to face xx 

  • I’m so sorry to read your post, I know exactly how you feel as my beloved mum has been recently diagnosed with secondary breast cancer with liver mets. She started chemo last week but is really struggling with it.  I am an only child and my mum is my everything, I cannot even bear the thought of life without her. My two children adore their nana and see her as a second mum. 

    I put on a brave face around my mum and the kids and carry on as best I can but at night when the kids are asleep I just cry myself to sleep. It’s just so devastating, I cannot bear the thought that this might be our last Christmas together

    Sending lots of hugs xx

  • I'm sorry you are going through this too I'm not sure how I get by every day I just want you to know your not alone and I totally feel your pain its worst thing to face in world I can't even imagine my life without my mum as it hurts too much and really not sure I would cope even though people say you have too 

    I wish could say something to you to make you feel better but I know I can't but I am here if needed and I will send big massive hug as I know what you going through  lovely :( x 

  • I am also sorry to hear yours too :( sounds exactly the same as me with my mum only my mum is breast that spread and I'm sorry to hear your mum not well on it :( I can not give any advice but to say that I am here of needed as know exactly what your going through and sending you big massive hug 

    I have been told you need to stay strong for your kids I will say don't be hard on yourself as I am really struggling and trying to hold it together only for my kids and mum right now but I am very much struggling 

    Sending lots of hugs to you and your kids at this difficult time x 

  • I’m so sorry to read your message and hear how upset you are. I am also in a similar position and just found out my mum has a prognosis of 3-6 months and am really struggling to deal with this and stay strong so as not to upset her. 

     

    If you want support from someone in the same boat as you it is here xx

  • I’m so sorry I have not replied I thought I had I’m so sorry and big hugs to you can’t imagine what you going through or being told this news how are you and your mum coping right now?? 

    im here if you need me big big hugs sent your way 

     

    horrible cruel world we live in always take the best people