Hi,

I just wanted to let you know you arent alone. My mum died suddenly 2 months ago and I feel the same as you do.

I cannot believe she has gone and I will never see her again, share a cup of tea, have a chat about our day, discuss what we need from the supermarket etc.

I'm not suicidal either and although I have a supportive partner and a lovely daughter, all I want is to be with my mum.

What I have realised from this forum is that the grief seems to get worse for us as time goes on. I know I feel much worse at week 10 than I did at week 2 or 3. For me the pain of losing her has been awful since the funeral and I just cant lift myself up.

This week I cried at the window cleaner, a door to door salesman and my neighbour.

I wish I could tell mum, she would be in fits of laughter.

I have no advice other than to look after yourself, get out for long walks and take each day as it comes.

You have already got through 2 months even though you wont know how. We are more resilient than we thought x

Hi There. I feel for you both. I lost my lovely husband 19 years ago when he was just 31, and my dad six years ago. I knew my husband was terminal with cancer, but my dad was a total shock. He only went to hospital to have checks on his heart, to see if he was fit enough to have a triple heart by-pass, but the tests (treadmill etc) caused him to have a massive heart attack while having the tests. Even though he was at a specialist heart hospital and had the heart attack there and then Infront of the doctors, they couldn't save him. They got his heart going again after 40 minutes, but scans showed he was already brain dead. We had to make the awful decision to have his life support turned off. All I can say is, please keep talking to your loved ones, even when they have passed. You may not be able to see or hear them, but please believe me, they can see and hear you. Look out for little signs. An odd white feather on the ground Infront of you, a certain smell or a favourite song. When you get used to looking for these precious signs, you will find that you can cope alot easier, and that they haven't gone totally, just there body. All the best Tina X

Hi Tina,

Thank you for sharing the story about your dad.it has made me feel so much better.

Although I'm on a cancer forum and have been affected by cancer over the years with several losses, my mum didnt have the disease.

She was undergoing routine surgery on the 13th june on her carotid artery which had been found to be blocked on the 6th june. The surgery was to prevent mum having a stroke in the future.

15 mins after the surgery she had a major bleed on the brain and even though she was surrounded by doctors and surgeons they could do nothing.she was put on life support which was turned off on the 14th june.

She went into the surgery happy and active and never returned. I have agonised since over whether she would still be alive if she hadnt had the operation. The hospital told me that without the surgery she would almost certainly have suffered a stroke which would have been awful, but it doesnt really make me feel better. She was so happy the hospital had found the blockage and could do preventative surgery!

I know many on here have lost their mums in agony and watched them suffer and I watched my dad and best friend suffer in this way too but I feel so cheated that mum skipped into surgery and ultimately to her death.

It is very comforting to see that none of us are alone in our grief x

Tina,

My apologies.

Wrapped up in my own emotions I forgot to pass my condolences for your husband and dad.

Even though time has passed I know it doesnt go away.my own dad died 21 years ago of a heart attack whilst suffering non hodgkin's lymphoma and I have never moved on from that.

Cheryl x

Hi luvy dont give up on that counciling it does bring back the hurt but only for a while as you get to know the counciler it gets eisier just make a list of questions you need answering they dont have all the answers but they have some your dear dad will not be far a way we dont just die and thats it we are made of energie aur thoughts everything we cant see energy but we know its there  just one day at a time till you get stronger and you will .we all do but for a long time we get these feelings but speaking as a dad i know your dad didnt bring you into this world to grieve forever he brought you to have a life to have fun to find love etc not to be sad and misrable just hold on you will get through this .paul

Hi Cheryl. There's no need to apologize. :-)

Morning,

I’m the same, not only did I loose me Dad but my best friend while going through a Divorce. I thought it would never end ! The pain the anger then just crying for no reason if someone said something out the blue ! 5 years down the line I’ve come to realise that yes it hurts, and hurts like hell but time helps us all the deal with the pain in our own way. They say and I’m sure you’ll here times a good healer ! Well truth be told it just helps us cope better. I always remembered my dad asking me how to spell funeral ! He stoped me at FUN .....

now I realise what he meant and since then I’ve now kept my promise and live life to the full ! It takes time but you’ll get there.

but never forget the great times 

big hugs x