hello, first of all I am so sorry about your situation, you are probably sick of hear that by now but I truly am. Losing your mum must be so hard of you and not being able to grive that loss is going to take even more of your strength so the truth is you are all ready doing amazing. Its okay to feel sorry for yourself with what is going on. I know you feel like you have to be strong for everyone but the truth is you are only human and can only do the best you can. If you keep your emotions bottled up then they will only come out worse. On a personal note I don’t quite know how do deal with my emotions either. I am 17 years old and a few days ago my dad was given 4 months left to live. All of my family are crying and getting emotional and I don’t know what to do, I havnt cried, its not that I am not upset I am heartbroken I just don’t know what to do. But I know that I need to soon because over time its just going to get worse. I hopes this helps even if its in the slightest way possible, tbh im not even sure half of what I said makes sense, but anyway I hope you find the strength to greive soon because you deserve too xx

Hi Margie,

A very warm welcome to the forum that nobody really wants to join.

It sounds as if you have a lot of heartbreak going on in your life just now. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum and  your Step-Dad and offer my sincere sympathy. After any passing you really need time to grieve and, I'm sure that your boyfriend won't deny you this. If you don't get this chance, then all your pent up grief just builds until it eventually explodes. Tears are not a weakness, they are also a release valve, so don't be afraid to let them flow. You can cry in private if you prefer.

Don't be afraid to talk about your Mum and remember some of the happier times that you've spent together. Instead of bottling things up and keeping it all to yourself, you will come to terms with your loss better this way. Those of us who have cancer, may seem brave, but we deal with it because we have to. I sincerely hope that your boyfriend returns to the 'new normal' that cancer leaves us all with after his chemo finishes. However, if you just place yourself in his shoes for a moment and ask yourself if he would like you to show no grief at this stage, I'm sure that the answer would be a resounding NO. Imagine how he would feel about you, if you showed no upset at losing your Mum - the one person you have known and loved for all of your life. Heaven forbid, if the same should happen to him, and I sincerely hope that it doesen't for a very long time, how do you think he would feel if he thought that you would showe a similar lack of emotion about him?

I lost my own Mum to breast cancer metastases and have had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself in the past 12 years. The one thing that I have found really helpful is being able to discuss everything with my partner and getting the support I need from him to carry on. He has a number of different comorbidities, which are life-limiting, but we are totally open with one another and support one another to the best of our abilities. Our health issues don't define us, we are the same people that we always were. I am sure that your partner would prefer you to be totally honest about how you feel. I know that he will be feeling pretty rough at present. It is always a trying time going through treatment, Just rmember that there are a number of different types of cancers and, although they are all bunched together under one broad umbrella, they are all individual with very different outcomes.

I sincerely hope that your boyfriend does well with the rest of his treatment - does he have many more chemo sessions to go? If you find it difficult to speak to him, there is always a number of us here who have experienced what you are going through and who are always here for you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both getting on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Margie,

I'm so very sorry for you. Your mum was a warrior and you definitely are too. Simply by worrying about everyone else shows that you're a chip off the block.  It's not selfish to grieve, give yourself a break lovely.  It's important that you do so that you can move forward. Your bf sounds wonderful. He's not thinking of himself  and his awful situation today,  he's thinking of YOU!!!!   Definitely a keeper ️ 

Take care and continue to post for support B xx