Hello DaddyImissyou; welcome to the forum. I am sorry to learn of your dad's death. What was his diagnosis? You don't actually have to tell me this if you don't want to but it helps to get the overall picture. Grief is a very personal thing and it varies so much from person to person. It is entirely normal to feel totally lost when someone you love dearly has died. Although we know our parents are likely to die before we do it is always difficult to cope and especially if the loved one is still comparatively young and we feel should not have died so soon. The only advice I can give (from having lost both my parents some years ago and other loved ones since) is to take things one day at a time; do whatever makes you feel a little better, maybe looking at photos and talking about your dad with other family members; there are no rights or wrongs. It may help you to read the section of this website which deals with grieving - I attach a link. Please do post again and tell us a bit more about yourself and how you are coping - again, only if you want to but you sound to be a nice person who is having a tough time and if we can help at all, then we will. Best wishes. Annie
Hi, thank you for replying. My dad died of bowl, lung, kidney and stomach cancer. He was in a hospice for 1 month before he passed away. His Mother and sister are ruining the grave and upsetting everyone. I am not coping have you any suggestions on how to get better at coping. Let me know
Hi again. Oh dear, your poor dad; I do hope that he had a peaceful death as there seems something of a family situation breaking out and I hope this wasn't something that had any effect on his last days which I am sure you made loving and peaceful. Had there been previous bad feeling before your father's death or has it just broken out since. I don't understand why your dad's relations would not have consulted everyone else before making changes to the grave and I can understand that this feels like the last straw to you. I think the best thing to do - for your own sake - is not get involved if this is something you cannot change. Just concentrate on nice memories of your dad and remember that nobody can spoil these. Talk - either in your mind or out loud (not in the street of course otherwise people might think you are a bit odd) but at home and/or somewhere peaceful. Imagine his responses - what would he say about all of this? Just shut out all the nastiness when you can.
Of course nothing can blot out the pain of grief but just think of each day as separate units and do whatever makes you feel a bit better. Don't expect too much of yourself. If it helps you, use this forum as a kind of diary where you can unload the things that are bothering you. One day, hopefully not too far away, you will be able to smile when thinking of your dad. Annie
Hi again, my dad's mam and sister started to annoy us the day he passed away. On the night of his death he was supposed to come home for rosary but he wasn't ready and his Mother and sister were not happy with that so instead they went to him when nobody were aloud see him. They then put flower pots on the grave when dad was already after saying that "flower pots were only for gardens". Then she put garden lights all around the grave. She then broke into my house to Lie into his bed. And now she is making the wreaths higher so she can see the grave from the entrance to the graveyard and wave good bye to him. They are absolute sycopaths and I don't want anything to do with them. I forgot to mention in the previous statements that I am only 15 years of age. Thank you for listening to my rant talk soon.
Hi; yes I am okay. Sadly I have to do things like shopping and housework when I would rather be talking to you. Try not to let yourself get too upset by things you cannot change; and it sounds as though you are not going to change these thoughtless people; I cannot believe they would break into your home! I am guessing (maybe wrongly) that they paid for the funeral and now think they can just do as they please with no reference to the other people who loved your dad. Just tell yourself that your dad loved you and you loved him; nothing can change that whatever other people do. I cannot say their grave decorations would be to my taste but again each to their own. It is not so important; your love for your dad will always be in your heart. Remember that and don't upset yourself more than you can help. Please do keep posting here if it helps you feel a bit better. Annie
They are not paying for the funeral at all. They don't even want to see me and I find that really hard because I used to visit them once if not twice every week and I am only 14 years old so I am really struggling. Do you think I should start counciling or getting professional help. I will be turning 15 in 3 andawe and we are going on our first holiday without him it will be really hard for us. Have you any tips for me on dealing with my dad's mam and sister. Talk soon
Good grief. I cannot understand their behaviour at all. Sorry you are having to struggle with all of this. Any idea why they have suddenly turned nasty? But as I said earlier your dad and your love for each other can not be spoiled by anything they do now; you are secure in the knowledge that your dad loved you. If your dad's family are behaving so oddly I would be inclined to say ignore them as they just appear to be giving your more grief. Don't engage with them if they are just adding to your problems. I take it they are not going on holiday with you! I can understand you feel a bit worried about how you will cope on holiday; let yourself think about your dad and try to smile thinking about how much he would have enjoyed it and how much he would want you to enjoy it now. I know life is going to be hard for some time; just take it a day at a time. Regarding counselling I am attaching a link to Cruse Bereavement Care; this section of their grief counselling service is especially for younger people who have lost a loved one. Take a look and see if it can give you some help. Annie
I don't know why they are being so nasty. I am ignoring them it's just every time I see them it gets to me. They are not coming on holiday with us the holiday is going to be super tough but I will remember him when I go to the bar and imagine him just sitting there drinking his pint of Guinness. I have deleted dad's mam and sisters phone numbers from my phone but they texted me one day saying that they saw me in the local petrol station and were sorry they didn't meet me and that they loved me but I know for a fact that when they saw me they took off at raging speed. I can't even go to the graveyard now if they are there. I don't understand why they don't want anything to do with me because I used to visit them once or twice a week and ring them every night. I am at the end of my tether with them. Have you any tips on how to forget about them for the rest of my life. I wish there was a barring order allowed for graveyards because if there was they would be getting one in the post and as well as that a big fat letter from my solicitor. Talk soon
Hi again; there is no magic wand to erase them from your memory but just remember it is their problem. Please try not to let them get to you. I don't even think that trying to talk reasonably with them is going to get you anywhere and is just going to upset you further. It is hard when people turn against you suddenly when they have always been friendly before but try not to make it your problem. Are they still friendly with other members of your family (not that I know what other family members are around)? Whatever their reasoning just keep telling yourself that you are not responsible for their behaviour and they may be jealous of the love between your dad and yourself . Keep yourself above getting into an argument - you are coping remarkably well so just keep a mental barrier between you and them until and unless things sort themselves out in the future. You're a good lass. Annie
