I am so sorry to hear that, and I can’t say that I understand, because I don’t. If it helps, my grandmother died the same way of terminal cancer, and I was very close with her. Also, I myself am a cancer survivor. Just know that we are all here for you if you need anyone to talk to. I’m deeply sorry for your loss and my thoughts and prayers are with your family.

Laura,

I am so sorry to hear about your dad, may he rest in peace. It will take time for everything to sink in, my dad has been gone 7 years. I think what you are experiencing is normal. I can't say it gets better but you will begin to accept it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 

Laura xx

there is no right or wrong way to feel, if you don't feel anything it doesn't matter, if you feel in shock or denial or sad or happy or anything at all it's ok. Don't worry, you can do or feel anything you want, just take each day an hour at a time. 

When my mum died we had to call all her friends to tell them and i could barely say the words without crying. 

Just be, and let whatever emotions come, come. Be kind to yourself 

Hello Laura and welcome to the forum.  Your post is fine and totally coherent.   I am sorry that you have lost  your dad.  I don't know if you have had a look through this, the CRUK website but I am attaching some information about grief, some of which will I think resonate with you.  You have made a good start by coming here and I think that now you have to some extent faced up to the reality of your dad's death it will slowly, slowly become more bearable.  Not easy, but you will be able to say the words.  You will see in one place it suggests that you might want to write down things about the person you have lost; as you say you are already forgetting details perhaps you could try to do this.

www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coping-with-grief

There is never a right or wrong way to grieve; there are no set time limits.  You have just lost someone enormously important to you - it is not surprising you are in such upheaval.  I lost my mam to cancer some years ago and have also lost my dad and I too was worried about forgetting details.   Don't give yourself a hard time.  You will be very welcome to post here as often as you wish.  Annie

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I feel your pain so much my mum died on Saturday its killing me i have never felt so much pain and I'm sorry for your loss too. I miss her already it's horrendous I just want her back 

Hi I just want to reassure you in a small way if I can. I lost my mum few months ago and I still can’t accept it’s real. When I’m home I keep thinking she is gardening or away on her little short breaks ... I think it’s your brains way of filtering the pain maybe. My heart goes out to you so much as it’s awful and I wish I could say something to help you . I’m learning ways to cope and alot of days are still really awful . Try everyday to recall a funny memory and cry , shout whatever you want just don’t keep it inside. Sending a hug and kind thoughts. 

So sad and sorry for you Laura.  I'm sure your dad heard you. Many people wait until family have left the room to pass away to protect you.its OK to be numb or angry or cry or not cry.your body is grieving and why not.your dad's not suffering now and is peace.your peace will come....... when I lost my brother I was so angry because his friends were getting on with their lives when he was gone.it took a few months but peace came.....xx

Oh my I'm so sorry also i think for a minute then I just break down again I feel so guilty my mum has gone and im still here as she didn't know she was dying I took her to hospital where she died and she thought she was going to get stronger for her treatment, she always said you go to hospital to die. But i feel like i like i have let her down