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I lost my best friend

Mmg275
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My mother died yesterday, October 30th at 9:50pm. This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt, I have lost half of myself because my mother was and still is my world. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cholangiocarcinoma in April. She fought so very hard after 2 different failed chemotherapies and immunotherapies the doctor asked if she wanted to keep trying more or leave it. She picked trying another chemotherapy because she didn’t want to give up. In her last week of life, she continued to ask the doctors if she could still do chemotherapy. She suffered so much.

 

She was such a strong independent women. She did everything she could to raise my brother and I by herself. She is the most remarkable person I have and will ever meet. My mom and I were especially close because my brother is a special needs child. We would go together to all his doctor appointments and physical therapies working together to help him. We did everything together making plans for the house, eating out, I would dump my school friends to just hang with my mom at the mall. She was always there for me. Never did she leave me alone when I felt stressed. I couldn’t bare leave her alone either so I took a semester off school to be her caregiver.  I was with her 24/7 at her bedside in her last week. 

 What hurts the most is that I made so many promises about our future together. I’m 19 and she won’t see me graduate college, get into medical school, become a doctor or get married. She always said she already felt so proud that her daughter would be a doctor. It hurts so bad everyone says I must be strong for my brother but they haven’t lost their mother. I lost my light and inspiration. I want to die too but what keeps me going is that she made me promise her that no matter wherever she was that I had to go show her my diploma and my white coat. 

A lot of people are saying they are here for me but I honestly feel so lonely. My aunt and moms friends all went to the hospice center to support but I can’t help feel empty. They all go home with their families while my brother and I went back home missing it’s most valuable member.  I don’t know what will come from this but thank you for reading. 

 

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    My dearest friend... You're a strong woman stand strong let God do the rest RIP Mum

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    Hi Mmg275,  I am so very sorry for your loss. At 55 years old, I cannot imagine how terrible it is to lose your mum when you're so young. Grief can be a lonely experience even with close family and friends around you. From the brief words you have written, it does sound as though your mum was a remarkable woman and raised a remarkable daughter, caring for your brother as you cared for your mum.

    If not too personal for me to say, your mum will still be your light and inspiration, that is what will get you your diploma and white coat. It will be hard and we won't ever forget our mum's but we will get through it because our mum's wouldn't want us to carry the grief and sadness forever.

    At 5 weeks since my mum passed away, I can only say, cry when you need to, ask for help when you need to, take a day at a time and sounds silly, but try to have enough sleep and eat well. 

    Take care

    x

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    I recently lost my mum and your mum sounds like a fighter and I strong woman. You don't have to be strong all the time. Lean on friends and family you are not going through it on your own. It does sound like your mum is your inspiration and I know things do seem so dark now they will slowly get brighter and your mum will be the light to help you through it.

     

    Don't suffer in silence ask for help and good luck in becoming a doctor xx

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