Hi,

They might be “giving you space” not knowing that you really need their love and friendship at this time. Some people don’t know what to say during such a difficult time. I can totally understand your hurt and your anger. I think I would feel the same. Maybe give it a little time to see if they reach out? It’s such a difficult situation, I really don’t know the best advice.

Best,

Northern

Hi there, and so sorry you lost your loved mum ...

I found the same with cancer ... some people I didn't expect were my backbone and held my hand right through ... but some like you say, people I'd helped through life at times, nothing ... and l know some people don't know what to say ... that's fine ... but if those people just text to say , hi and thinking of you ... or sending a hug ... or how's it going ... it's not rocket science ... it just says I CARE ..

But now I know who to keep close to my heart, and who to let go ... and not look back ... but now you need to worry bout you ... it's one of the hardest things that happen, in our life's ... and l remember my then husband said the day I lost mum, "everyone has to die sometime" needless to say, l stopped loving him that day, and that's why he's my ex ....

So hold those who have helped you close ... and it does get easier with time, but you never stop missing them ...  sending you a big hug ...  Chrissie

Hi Serapine.  Sometimes people just don't know what to say or do but I agree it doesn't hurt to just make contact, offer condolences and ask what can be done to help you.  I suppose it just shows how little we understand some of our friends and acquaintances.  I sometimes think that people seem to think that cancer may be catching and so they keep away in case it comes too close to them!  Sometimes it is the people you least expected to step forward who come up trumps and do all manner of little things just to make it easier for you.  Go with what you feel is right for you; as for those who have not made contact well that is for them to sort out; not your problem in these circumstances.  Annie 

Thank you everyone. Very wise words. I'm sure all of you have experienced this, and I'm not alone. I think that death feels very abstract until you lose someone you adore. Then your world falls apart and you don't really know if anyone will be around to hold out a hand. I realize that I am really lucky to even have a few wonderful people that reached out to me, sent me flowers and kind words. I am humbled by the kindness actually, and I have learned from this experience. I realize that I need to focus on trying to be a better friend in the future. No one should go through this kind of loss alone. I can't even imagine. 

Hi its not until you go through something so bad that you find out who steps up to the mark and it can be surprising could be your friend cant handle it having been through the same. Not all people are as strong and kind try not to get angry as when go you through these things our views and expectations are a bit off with grief but in this case i truely  understand how you feel and i have friends that have said much the same as you. because we judge people by how we would be but unfortunately  seldom are . So my best wishs and hope your pain gets less soon .regards p 

Hi,

I can only recount my own experience from when we discovered our son was severely autistic with associated learning difficulties and, 25 years later, when I was diagnosed with stage 4, incurable cancer.

Both times a few people who I thought were true friends just melted away like snow in the sun, but these were replaced by others who, although I hadn't realised before, turned out to be true friends. 

I've given up making excuses for other humans, dogs are far more reliable ;-)

I guess what I'm saying is don't take it personally and don't let it hurt you. At times like this we discover who our true friends are and who are the ones only there for the good times. In the long term, this is a good thing. 

Best wishes

Dave

Yep your absolutely right and not just friends some siblings to 

... and partners in many cases :-( (not mine, I must add).

Mine was wonderful i was a realy  lucky man but my luck ran out 

Oh so true, I learned years ago dogs are such good loyal friends, could not have got through over 4 years without my pooches support, when the human trail faltered she never did. She knew my every move and how I was/ wasn’t coping. Amazing bonding. I have to say some friends of my mother’s also were very supportive.