Hi Flora, great news that there is no spread but, as you say, you still have to deal the process of getting rid of the existing lump, a real rollercoaster which once started you cannot get off. You will go through every kind of emotion possible, from shock, fear and disbelief to grief, anger and guilt. All this is totally normal and understandable and something we all here have experienced. I am guessing that having had some results now, you will have a diagnosis and a treatment plan? If so, try to take it one step at a time and not think too far ahead. Having been through this myself, I would be a hypocrite if I said it was easy and whatever happens it is a long old haul but you will get there and once the treatment starts it will begin to get a little easier for you I promise. Talking to family and friends can be very difficult because, as you mentioned, you don't want to burden them when you are feeling so raw but the lovely folk here really get what you are going through and are happy to listen and help any time. It is a great place to rant and rave and let off a bit of steam too! Take care and do let us know how you get on. Take care  Sue xx

Thanks Sue, I just feel so lonely, but knowing that there are other people out there who have been through it and come out the other side does help. It's so daunting and the uncertainty about my treatment plan and prognosis is driving me mad. I see the oncologist next week so should have a better idea then. It's just been a nightmare over the last few weeks, not sure of what was happening, what was likely to happen. The nurses have been brilliant but the doctor i saw last week was so young and didn't really seem to have much idea of what to say to me. She just passed the buck to the nurse and sAid that the oncologist would tell me more. 

I've been fine until today, but the reality is just beginning to sink in I think. 

Hi flora

You might find letting friends and relatives know about your cancer will in some way free you. Surprisingly people will not feel burdened and will be glad to help you out in any way they can. This can be useful when you need practical help during your treatment or just some emotional support when you are feeling low, a visit a cup of tea and a laugh does wonders. Some people will stay away though, you will find out who your real friends are. Make allowances for yourself, you are going through a tough time and will experience all the emotions possible. I am giving you this advice because I made the mistake of keeping my diagnosis from everyone including my partner for a month, hiding letters and making secret trips to the hospital, in the mistaken belief that I was protecting them from an uneccessary burden. Good luck with your coming treatment. Kim

Thanks Kim, but I'm not really feeling up to seeing people at the moment. I have told close family and friends but their response has been very mixed, from being very upset and no help at all to being immensely supportive. I don't really think it's about being with other people, I think it's a case of, facing up to the reality of what is ahead of me for myself. I have had to fake being piositive so that I don't hurt those close to me and i suppose the reality has just hit me for six today. 

Thank goodness for this forum where peopke know and understand exactly what it's like to cope with a diagnosis which is so frightening and uncertain.

Hi Flora

I found it helped me to talk to family and friends after I got over the initial shock.  I got quite teary at first but it became easier and the more I talked about it the more it became "normal".  Friends felt as if they could ask me how things were and ask about my treatment.  In fact the more people that new the more relaxed about discussing it I became. 

In fact after I was diagnosed a couple of friends relatives were diagnosed (with different cancers) and they found it easier to ask me about things.

My Husband was a great strength and when I was Ok we discussed what I needed when feeling down or angry - I told him I just need a great big hug.  So when ever I got down or angry he would just come and hold me while I cried, ranted or just sat there.

Susu is right you will go through the whole range of emotions - I went from being so strong to planning my funeral.

I found the best thing is to stay posative but when the melt downs come then dont fight them - they will go away.

Good luck with the treatment.

Thank you. It really does help to know that my feelings are 'normal' for someone facing the reality of cancer for the first time. I feel more positive today. I suppose yesterday was a facing up to reality day. Who knows what tomorrow will be like, but with the help and support you offer on here I am sure i will get through the next year . 

Hi Flora, just wanted to see how you are doing today, and to wish you all the best for your appointment this week... take care  Sue xx

Thank you Sue,

i feel a bit better today. It's just the waiting game that I find frustrating. I want treatment to start so that I can get on with this, but at the same time I am terrified that maybe it won't work . There are so many things going on in my head, I'll just have to keep busy for now. Thank you for your support.

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit brighter, that's good. Unfortunately, the waiting game is a real bummer and, if you're like me and patience is a foreign word, it doesn't get any easier but you do learn to put up with it, in between climbing the walls! I think a lot of it is the feeling of not being in control and having to leave it to others to determine what's best for us and of course that's what they are there for. Don't forget to list out any questions you have ready for your appointment and if you have to ask some things twice to understand fully then do so. I found knowing everything in advance was scary but it did stop me from imaging all sorts of other stuff as well so it was a comfort of sorts. All the best and do let me know how you get on. Take care Sue xx

hi again Flora

Im so glad your having an easier day of it today. All of us here know just how the waiting feels, once your treatment plan gets underway at least that anxiety will disappear if only to be replaced with the problems treatment brings, although this is strangely easier to deal with. When you are able to face people again that you know, do tell them about your situation, honestly you will be surprised at how kind people can be with offers of help from lifts to the hospital or just a kindly word. Also just talking is good therapy - a problem shared and all that. It also helps others realise that its just ordinary people like you and me that get cancer, which in turn helps them not to shy away from the next person who they meet suffering from cancer. I'm so happy for you that your cancer has not spread, you have every chance of a good life after treatment so chin up and onwards and upwards. Kim