Hi there indy

although any cancer treatment impacts us physically the mental impact sometimes is sometimes unseen, varied from person to person and sometimes more devastating than the treatment itself.

im no professional on the matters of the mind but being in remission for throat cancer (I’m not a smoker or a heavy drinker) which took me out of circulation socially for about a year, I can only talk from my own experience on how my cancer effected my mentally and how I decided to be in control.

the big thing I had  to accept and embrace is the new me. Things had changed, I could not get them back, so I decided to make the best of what I had .... and when I looked at me .... I had a lot.

i was determined that my cancer or treatment was not going to define my and that it was something that I had, but have no more .... ok it’s changed things, but it’s now up to me to make the best of them and forge forward.

ok I had no physical outward changes apart from a few scars from operational tubes, but there were other major changes that would impact me socially especially when eating.

But I knew the changes in the new me, so I decided to find the best way to compensate.....this can sometimes be difficult as we yearn for our old self, but we have a chance now and have to move forward .... ok it also helps that I’m a half full bloke.

im happy with the new me, ok sometimes I try to do things that the old me did and come up short ... that annoys me, sometimes gets me down, but then I try to figure out how I can get better, or if that’s not possible I just accept that it’s not possible and don’t let it get me down.

we are all different and I guess we have had different cancer , different journeys and a different impact ... we may also have different things to deal with, with a different support system around us and my deal with things differently

ultimately though, post treatment we are sort of reborn ... it how we relearn how to deal with the new me that can tak some time

dont expect others to understand as no one socially knows or understands what I have to do and go through to be this new me, and I don’t want them to ..... treat me as me, not differently because I’ve had cancer.

i wish you all the best in finding the new you and embracing it, go forward and enjoy being you as if you can’t how can anyone else enjoy what you are?

not sure if I have helped or made things worse ( hopefully not that was not my intention), also what outlook worked for me might not work for the next person, or is the right way to do things ... this just worked for me

i feel your pain, but you are you and there is no one like you

let us know how you get on

vatch

Hi Indyraiin

I agree with everything Vatch has said.

Every experience you have in life changes you, its just that having cancer (or any other trauma or major illness) seems to speed up the process. 

Also don't apologise you are a cancer survivor and thats amazing. So be amazing hold your head up and get on with life.  Its great to be alive and us surviviours know that on a different level to others so be proud.  We owe it to those who didn't make it to show that yes you can survive and with more support more people will make it also.

When I was making plans I used to say Unfortunatly due to my treatment side effect I can't always predict how I will be feeling so  I can make arrangements but may have to call off if I am not well. Most people will either accept this or they are not woth bothering with.

On the romantic front I suggest that if you want to see someone again use the above and then its up to them if they ask treatment for what.  A few dates in you could be more open by saying thanks for being so understanding its not easy for people to talk about cancer.

Good Luck

River

thank you vatch that was lovely :)

really appreciate the advice, you're completely right it's my choice what i share with others but I'm not obligated to share anything at all. :)

Indy

i hope you enjoy finding the new you, look after and cherish her and good things will come

let us know how you get on

vatch