Hi Chloebsej,

I completely get why you wouldn't want to spend time with someone elses mother on the first mothers day without your own. As much as I agree it is good to be around people during important times like these, I also believe that if you feel you can't or need some time then you should take it. 

Is there somewhere or something you and your mum used to go/do together? Maybe you could visit a place that you went together or shared happy memories with her. Is there someone you could go there with, like a sibling or close friend whom you could share happy memories with? Just a thought. 

My mother shares her birthday with my brother in law and I don't think she'll make it to her birthday - I'd like her to but at the rate she's deteriorating I can't see it. I know it's going to be a tough day for me at some point, whether this year or in five years. When that day comes for me, I will go somewhere where we laughed like pixies and lay some flowers and remind myself of the good times we had, and make it our special place that I can go if I need to feel close or talk to her. 

I'm truly sorry for your loss. 

If you want to chat, please feel free to message me directly. Xxxxx

Hello Chloebsej,

It's sometimes easier to know what you don't want to do, rather than what you do want to do. Your post makes it clear you don't want to be with your MIL on Mother's Day. That should be enough reason to stay away. It's understandable your husband wants to see her. Maybe he feels a bit guilty at the thought of leaving you behind. That's for him to work out.

I sometimes block out special days in my head, I'd rather not think about them. So if that means having a duvet day watching films, or walking along a beach, or doing the weekly shop,there's no reason you shouldn't do whatever the mood takes you. You'll never forget your mum, you don't need a significant "enforced" day. 

Take care, gamechanger