Hi there Nicola... oh hunny, I'm so so sorry, i may well be wrong, but I think your brain is so overwhelmed by the news, it seems to think if it shuts all those memories out, you won't loose her ... it's trying to hold on to stop the pain your feeling, though it is making it more scary for you ... you need your mum or do you have a sister or auntie you can talk to , even if your mum has a lot on at the moment, she would probably want to help find out why you can't remember ... 

If you get McMillans free phone number, you could give them a ring and tell them how your feeling, maybe they could offer you counselling or send some one to have a chat ... but I really think you need to get some help from trained nurses ... hopefully someone who could give you more info, will answer your post ... my heart goes out to you ... I'm sending you a big hug ... Chrissie xx 

Morning Nicola... Bless ya, it sure is a cruel world ... just had call from my cousin, her and her mum have found lumps in breast and having them tested this week, an one of my other cousins lost his fight with this s**ty lung cancer last month ... 

My little granddaughter who's just 6 (pictured) knows I'm poorly, and she knows they took away my boob to try to make me better .. I've always told her gently and honestly about it ... she thinks my mum is a star in the sky, and looks over us ... and she asked me if I'd be with her up there one day ... and I said , your right one day I'll be with my mummy again up there, but you can always look up and see us there ..

Because she sees me coping and answering her questions, she's quite happy with that, as I don't want her sad or confused if I loose my journey... it's just preparing her a little.. and because I do, she just goes back to playing games, and we laugh all the time .. if you gently tell her that nanny is very poorly and answer any questions as and when she does, it will help her later ...

I'm off away for xmas from tomorrow... back on the 1st Jan... I'll be thinking of you .. just take one day at a time hunny ... big big hug ... Chrissie xx

Hi Nicola,

What you describe is a pretty normal reaction to devastating news and is part of the grieving process. Our minds temporarily shut down memories which would lead us to being overwhelmed with grief and unable to function.

Concentrate on the here and now, keep busy (it will distract you) get through Christmas and do your best to make what's left of her life as good as it can be.

Don't worry, your happy memories will bubble back to the surface in time - but only when your subconscious mind knows you can cope with them without breaking down.

Best wishes
Dave  

I have no idea why I sat thinking about you tonight, but I though about you and how you answered me at a time I needed someone and I just wanted to know if you was ok xxxx

Hi there dont worry your memories will come back happend to me once like crissie says your brains protecting you i know it dosnt feel like that at the moment but slowly when you can cope a few mwmories will come back then a few more ime sorry you are going through this you didnt say your age but you sound young keep telling yourself i will be fine dont worry about your memory it will come back .p

Hi Nicola ... Wonderful to hear from you ... I'm doing good ... Just passed my 1st year after op .. had two more lumps taken out under scar ... But they were fine ... Think my mum's had a word with the man up there and she's looking down to make sure I'm o.k 

You know when I got married in 71 and I was having my first baby ... The name I so wanted was Nicola ... But I had two beautiful sons ... So never got to use it ... I still love it now ...

Have you remembered your memories yet ... Did they slowly come back ... Remember the best one and close your eyes and relive how you felt and what was said ... Slowly , don't rush it ... I know it gets hard sometimes to recall their face ... But it's best when you don't try too hard ...

And she's not gone , she's just tucked up safely in your heart, and you can carry her everywhere you go ... I'm so glad you popped by ... Nothing's really changed... Cancer still sucks. ; )). But you take care of your amazing heart ... Big big hug ...  Chrissie xx