Cancer Research UK main site

I can't believe he's gone

notbelieving
Offline

My dad passed away just over two weeks ago. He lived with stage IV malignant melanoma for over 3 1/2 years, but towards the end it just took hold and he faded so quickly. We found out on the Wednesday that he was terminal (he was lined up to go on a trial) and by the Saturday he was in a hospice, and died three weeks later. It was so difficult seeing him towards the end, he was so weak and so thin, and it broke my heart to see him dying. He was so strong about it, and he never complained. We were all with him when he died, and although it was peaceful, I so desperately didn't want him to go. The pain I felt when he died was overwhelming, and although I don't feel like that all the time now, I either feel completely devastated and heartbroken, or I don't really believe he's not coming back. I don't know whether that's normal but it feels like he's just away somewhere and that he'll be back soon. I can't really believe he's gone forever. Does anyone else feel like that. 

  • Offline

    Hi there

    I'm so sorry for your loss. 

    I just lost my mum on the 4th Sept, 17 days after being diagnosed with cancer. Mum was determined to fight but she deteriorated rapidly. Watching her suffer was devastating. 

    I feel exactly the same. It doesn't seem real half of the time, then reality hits me and the grief is unbearable. I still expect her to answer the phone when I ring Dad.

    Its so hard at the moment. I completely understand how you feel.

    Take care.

     

     

  • Offline

    Hi there ... it's so hard losing a parent , esp one you love so much ... in the early days it really does seem overwhelming and unreal ... I've lost both mum and dad ... mum quickly and dad slowly ... all I can say is every time I thought of dad , I pushed the last painfull memories away and made my self remember the dad that told me stories he'd made up and the little magic tricks he did when we were small and how he loved my boys .. and how wonderful he was ... I refuse to think of him any other way ... that way you still miss them but their smiles will live in your heart forever ... 

    l believe they watch us from up there ... and I bet your dad would not want to see you hurting so ... I found the first year the hardest as I always thought 'this time last year' ... all feelings now are normal ... weather is anger their not here any more ... sadness ... feeling lost ... and the tears ... it's all part of the way we feel ... but try and think what they would say if they could see you ... 

    my thoughts are with you both on here ... big big hug Chrisie x

  • Offline

    Hi, I'm so sorry, I lost my wife, best friend in April, I understand how our feel, and it doesn't get any easier sorry to say. Be strong for him, he would want that. Take care, Andrew

  • Offline
    Hi I lost my dad to lung cancer on the 23rd August, only a few weeks back...he was ill for a year and a half, eventually he was admitted to hospital and after a week was moved into a hospice where he fought so hard, but 3 days later passed away. I too was there when he took his last breathe, but I knew that day that he was already gone. The days before he was a little responsive and woke up a few times while we were all there by his bed side. But on the day he passed he was completely unresponsive, so I think at that point he was in a coma? I stayed strong because I have a teenage son too who was just about to start college, but the day of my dad's funeral it all came out, and I was heart broken. Some days I am ok and have been keeping busy, trying to get a new job, as I left work to spend time with him in hospital and hospice. But now I'm so upset and crying every day...I miss being able to message him to tell him what I've been up to, he would always check up on me. I feel heartbroken for his wife too, my stepmum, as they were so close, best friends, always together, and she is one of the nicest people I have ever met. I am heart broken for her, for my son who lost his Grandad, even for my dad's dog who he loved too. We all lost a very central figure in our lives who we all loved and adored. I am sending all of you effected by cancer all the love and hugs I can, because it is horrible and just destroys everything. I know one day I won't cry every day but right now I just want to speak to my dad again X
  • Offline in reply to LindaandPat

    Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss and I know just how hard it is to deal with! Be strong for your dad, he would want that for you. Big hugs xx Andrew 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.