A warm welcome to our forum, Struggler although I'm sorry for the reason that brings you here.
Many of our forum members will understand your situation and I hope they will be here very soon to offer their advice and support. Until then, if you are still finding it too difficult to cope, you might want to consider calling the Samaritans, they are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 116 123.
Do come back and post as much as you need, Struggler, and remember, you don't have to face this alone.
Hello Struggler. I am sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis with terminal lung cancer and your feelings of not coping. I can resonate with these feelings as my husband was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in January 2016 which was a big shock. It is very hard being told that you have cancer but then when you are told it is terminal and nothing to be done except for a few sessions of palliative radiotherapy it is very hard to accept. Like yourself I remember feeling that I just wanted to go to sleep and try and forget what is happening but I just couldn't switch off. I remember people who meant well saying just try and stay positive which really annoyed me because I think that when you are given a terminal diagnosis with a prognosis of a few months I think that all you can really hope is that the journey however long or short is as smooth as can be possible.
My husband said at the outset that he would like if at all possible to spend his last days at home so apart from a spell of 10days in hospital, I looked after him at home during his last months. I honestly didn't think that I would ever cope but strength must come from somewhere and now when I look back having been widowed for a year now I take comfort from knowing that I did everything I possibly could to make his journey a bit more bearable.
I think your feelings are very normal and would only say to take a day at a time and remember that you are not alone. Please keep writing.
Thank you for your lovely response. I am so sorry for your loss.
I am trying to take a day at a time, but the more time that passes waiting for my mum to begin her palliative treatment the more despondent I become. I'm not so bad when I'm with her as I don't want her to see my struggle. I see everyday her condition getting worse and the waiting for hospital appointments seems endless. I have no interest in life at all and just lay in bed or on the sofa all day with thoughts and feelings just going over and over in my head. If its raining I don't even bother getting up. This is so unlike me as I am usually a very active busy person but my lifes just a mess at the minute. My husband and children are being so supportive but I know I need to pull myself together but don't know how.
Glad you found your way to this forum (though obviously sad for the reason behind it). I joined when my hubby received his terminal diagnosis. No matter how good the support around you sometimes you just need to say it how it is and I found writing my thoughts here and chatting with other who had some understanding so beneficial. No, none us want to be in this position and we lived with that terminal diagnosis for close on 3 years.
It was utterly draining but am grateful that by talking I was able to remind myself how important the time remaining that we may have with our loved ones is important too. I wanted my hubby to have good memories as he travelled his final journey but he knew how I felt and at times we cried together but we also cried in our own space to bring occasional relief from the sadness and fear of how to manage and cope.
I found it strange that I could be with people so important to me and yet feel alone at the same time. I do not think there is any easy way to describe it other than to say that at times I was already grieving for the loss that was to come.Do keep chatting here if you find it helps and also seek the support of your own GP. Taking that first step to talk to others began here perhaps and your Mum would be the first to acknowledge that your mutual love will get you through even though I have no idea how I did it. My children have told me since that they did not know how I could be so strong (particularly emotional when it was part of my son's wedding speech (two years after our loss) though it has never felt that way to me.
Take this precious time to make memories with your Mum which in time will be held forever in your heart.
Sending hugs as you and your family take this difficult journey. Jules54
Thanks Jules for your kind words. I'm so sorry for your loss. Cried again, like you said it's grieving but I also feel fear for what's to come. I lost my sister in law to cancer 9 years ago and then my mother in law to a lung disease similar to cancer and they were the toughest of times and I was with them both at the end so I know what to expect and I'm so scared.
So many difficult memories to process and these all come flooding back when you are facing it once again with a loved one. I lost my Dad just over 11 years ago to prostate and secondary lung cancer and my best friend a few months before my husband. The cancers may have been different(as were the treatment plans) over the years but am still not sure how I processed it all at the time other than going through the motions on a day to day routine. My Mum has refused treatment for her suspected bowel problems and at age 91 spends her days mainly sleeping now. I am thankful that she has a good residential home locally so that I can visit but she does not speak now. All very sad really.
I do think the tears bring some release and somehow we find a way through each phase of our life's journey but gosh it can be so hard. I still find chatting to a few forum buddies helps level me out at times. I think I have realised that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely but when I am on my own the thinking goes into overdrive and the fear of what was to come when hubby was ill was so hard to process.
Walking is something I have always enjoyed (just as well as I do not drive) and spend these times trying to get things into perspective. It does not always work!!
Thanks Jules I had a good day today. So different from yesterday. I think I hit rock bottom yesterday because today I woke up. The sun was shining I met my mum for lunch and life seemed almost normal. I'm sure I'll plummet again soon but all feels ok... ish today. Thank you for taking time to respond x
