Hello Fluffyjab and a warm welcome to Cancer Chat, 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and how you've been struggling. It's obviously a very difficult time for you both and I am sorry that treatment isn't working and cancer continues to progress. You must be under so much stress though and having to live with this constant fear is bound to make you feel vulnerable. 

It's important to recognise that domestic abuse isn't always about violence, it can also include emotional abuse, coercive behaviour and financial control. You can read more about this and find helpful information on the Government website. It goes without saying that your husband's diagnosis is not your fault and you're doing your best to support him.  

You might like to call the National Domestic Abuse helpline for a chat, they are available on freephone 0808 2000247, or you can contact them directly from their website. Their expert advisers offer confidential, non-judgmental support 24 hours a day 7 days a week. 

You might also find it useful to talk to someone at Relate about your situation They offer a range of digital and telephone counselling services. And finally, I wanted to give you the link to a charity called Refuge. They have useful information on their website particularly on the question of economic abuse which may be of interest to you. 

We're thinking of you during this challenging time and I hope this helps in some way. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi there

so sorry this is happening - this does indeed sound like serious domestic abuse and at some point you may wish to seek therapy / support to unpack it. If you ever feel in danger, please leave immediately and contact Refuge for support . They are a great charity and can provide emergency accommodation. 

This may seem a bit crass but do you know how long he has left approximately? I am trying to work out what is the best course of action for you. Do you own your house? 
 

Head and neck cancer is really awful and he will have been through hell. I also recognise that you have been together 27 years and will probably want to support him to the end despite his acts of manipulation. Has he always been abusive? If not, it may be a result of he cancer I guess. This doesn't absolve him from blame though. 
 

if it is safe to do so, I recommend gathering as much evidence on your finances (as a couple) as possible and contacting Womens Aid for guidance. They should be able to give you free legal advice. There may be some practical steps you can take to protect your money. 
 

Anyway ,sending you love and strength. You are a warrior. You will get through this  x