Hello arne17.  I am sorry to hear about your wife.   Few things in life, marriage included,  are perfect all of the time and some people are just more unlucky than others.  I am, guessing that a lot of people whose partner has cancer, terminal or not, feels that they wish they had done this, not done that and generally have all kind of regrets.  That is understandable. This is a bad time of year for those who have worries such as yours as everybody is caught up in trying to put together a good Christmas.  This will include people who write on this forum and who in fact have great experience of worries such as your own. In the meantime you might ring the Macmillan cancer nurses (Freefone 0808 808 0000) who will be able to talk to you about this - they have great understanding.  Also if you type the words "spouse with terminal cancer|" into the box above your post headed "Search forum" you will see where people have already posted about their problems when their beloved husband or wife have become terminally ill.  It may help you and you will know that you are not alone.  Best wishes.

thank you much for our support

Arne