Hi Elle,

First of all welcome to the forum - I'm so sorry to read about your Dad. Losing a parent is never easy at any age but it can be doubly traumatic if your first experience with death involves someone so close.

What you're describing sounds very familiar. My Mum also died from cancer at home with me, my Dad and my sister with her. I was so relieved that she was finally at peace and carried on seemingly as normal for months afterwards. It was only when my dog died several months later that the grief was finally unleashed and I cried. The people at the vets seemed quite shocked to see a fifty something year old guy walking out of the place in tears carrying a dog lead and collar but no dog :-( 

Unless your friends have been through something similar, they will have absolutely no idea what you are going through. The older you get, the more of your friends will be able to emphathise from experience, but not everyone can - some simply lack the emotional intelligence to ever understand. Reach out to them by all means, but don't worry if none of them seems to get how you're feeling. 

Your family members, especially your Mum, will probably be feeling very similar but they will be putting on a brave face in front of you - just like you are doing with them. Try talking to your Mum, but if that is too hard and you'd feel better talking to a stranger MacMillan may be able to point you towards grief counselling services in your area www.macmillan.org.uk/.../getting-support There's a lot of useful information here too www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coping-with-grief

Best wishes

Dave